


The Five Wonders of Merlin's Life and How a Sixth Appeared

by anarchycox



Series: True Love is Found in Event Horizons and Taco Nights [1]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family Shenanigans, Fluff, Grand declarations, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Soft Smiles, and then a little past that, but not the second, compliant to the first movie, dad merlin, eggsy is doomed, fluff as far as the eye can see, how happy ever after begins, merlin has 5 daughters, soft merlin, softer hugs, the agony of people who have to watch the pining, the feels that come with pining, with a big difference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-14 23:44:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 44,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14147232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: We all write Merlin as a workaholic. But what if he wasn't? What if he had a good support staff and word hard but fast, and only kept the long hours when agents were on very specific missions or something went wrong. His personality is such that people always feel he is around more than he actually is. The older agents are well used to this and know why, but Eggsy doesn't. And then he learns that Merlin has 5 very good reasons not to be a workaholic:Audra 23Gretchen 21Bethany 11Clara 8Lacey 6And oh god, finding out BAMF Merlin is the softest guy ever? Eggsy's heart is completely doomed. Doomed. DOOMED.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is my 100th story on ao3, and I hope that you enjoy this slow burn ball of the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff. it came about because of a photo from the set of Deep State:  
> http://anarchycox.tumblr.com/post/172392917673/anarchycox-thanks-to-that-one-photo-of-mark

“Hey, what do you figure the deal is with Merlin?” Eggsy asked Roxy one night when it was down to six candidates.

“You know he can probably hear you right now,” she reminded him.

They both looked at the two way mirror which had been replaced within a day after Eggsy had broken it. Charlie had asked if it was two way again and Merlin had just given him that faint smile Merlin sometimes had, the you are all foolish children and I weep for humanity that any of you will be responsible for saving them smile. 

Eggsy deliberately looked at the mirror. “So what if he can? You think he just stands there like a creeper on the corner watching us while we shower or use the bog?”

“No,” Roxy said. She paused. “Well I mean maybe? Not the creeper, but they are at least recording us, seeing how we interact, engage, what we say about the Kingsman.”

“Oi, Merlin! You a robot?” Eggsy shouted. There was no response. “I vote like a clone or from comic book movies...life model decoy. He has a closet he sleeps in.”

“That’s unkind,” Roxy chided.

“Come on, he has expressed wot, three emotions since we’ve been here?” Eggsy shrugged. “I know his type well enough.”

“Enlighten us then,” Charlie said, “since you are so good at reading people.”

“Workaholic,” Eggsy said easily. “Quartermaster is a big job yeah, and training us? That should be two different people. And while other people come in to teach us specific things, he’s always lurking. No home life, lives for his work. Every type of job has them. He’s the sort who will have a heart attack two weeks after retirement.”

Charlie had no response to that, and neither did Roxy, it actually felt fairly on point for the taciturn man.

When he disappeared for two weeks in the middle of training, they just assumed his quartermaster duties had to take precedent.

On the flight home from Valentine’s base, Eggsy talked to his mum and cried when he heard Daisy’s babbling. Roxy didn’t call anyone and Merlin just said “report” to someone and nodded and hung up after. They both figured he was checking in at the estate. They fell in line happily and easily when Merlin was made a temporary Arthur, and he seemed to magically appear whenever they needed him but they didn’t see him that much really. And the new quartermaster was pretty solid. 

******************************

“Thank fucking christ,” Merlin said when an old code came through their filters. “Harry’s alive and I can stop wearing these ugly suits.”

“You look well fit in them, Merlin,” Eggsy said.

“Yes but easier to get jam stains out of the trousers and jumpers,” Merlin replied. “You know how it is.”

“Used to,” Eggsy said sadly.

Merlin gave him a comforting shoulder pat. “Your mother and Daisy have settled in?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Eggsy replied. “They love Wales. Getting them away from Dean, from me on the job, it was the right thing.”

“You miss Daisy’s giggle the most, aye?”

“How’d you know that?” Eggsy was surprised that Merlin of all people would pick up on that.

“Because the purest sound in the world is a little girl’s giggle,” Merlin said. “Come along, let’s prep for Harry’s return.” A Kingsman plane was sent to retrieve Harry seven months after he was shot. He came home, with a cane, and an eye patch, and a smile. 

He came off the plane and huggled Merlin. “Hamish,” he said.

“Harry,” Merlin replied. “Welcome back.” He stepped a little back. “I formally resign my leadership as Arthur and put you in charge.”

“I beg your pardon?” Harry stood there, mouth agape, looking between Merlin and the door into the building proper. “I’m not even in the building yet.” No one ever counted the hanger as a part of the building.

“Payback for the shave foam incident.” Merlin was quite pleased with that. 

“That was 12 years ago!”

“Revenge is a dish best served cold,” Merlin said. “I return happily to my role as Merlin. Settle back in Harry. I made sure that the first meeting on your schedule wasn’t until 9am tomorrow.”

“Bruv, that is stone cold,” Eggsy said in awe.

“Eggsy,” Harry said, seeing his protege standing there. “Eggsy you did it.”

“He saved the world Harry,” Merlin said, voice clearly proud. “He is a credit to the Kingsman, and more than a credit to the name Galahad.”

“Nah, could never be as good as the real Galahad,” Eggsy added quickly.

“You are the real Galahad,” Harry said. “I am apparently, Arthur now.” He smiled and held out an arm, and Eggsy barrelled into him.

“Harry,” Eggsy whispered and gripped tight.

“I am incredibly proud of you Eggsy, and I have to apologize.”

“No, Harry,” Eggsy said. “We’re square yeah?” He paled. “Shit, I’m staying in your house. I’ll move out.”

“Not to worry, I would imagine that Merlin will make me stay in medical a day or two.” Harry smiled. “And a roommate could be fun, if you are interested. Never had a full house like Merlin, never wanted that much chaos, but companionship could be nice.”

“If you are sure,” Eggsy said. He didn’t really listen to what Harry said about chaos and Merlin because that made zero sense.

“Quite sure,” Harry swore.

“To medical, Harry,” Merlin commented. He looked at his clipboard which had Harry's medical records. There were some concerns to be examined, but overall it wasn't too bad - for a bullet to the head.

“You know, if I’m Arthur, can you really give me orders?” Harry asked.

“Don’t make me employ the atomic option,” Merlin warned and pulled out his phone.

“I really rather wish you would,” Harry said fondly.

“After ye talk to the doctor,” Merlin promised.

Eggsy ignored it all, too happy to have Harry back.

***************************************

“You were wrong you know,” Roxy told Eggsy as they ran the obstacle course. They had hated it during training, but fuck if it wasn’t a good work out.

“Wrong about a lot of things, Rox,” Eggsy said and shifted the weight of his pack a bit.

“Merlin,” she gasped a bit. “He isn’t a workaholic.”

“Wot? He’s always here.”

“No, he isn’t,” she said. “I went to his office and it was that assistant running a mission. So figured garage or range. But he wasn’t on the estate.” They reached the end and just dropped to the ground. “I asked Percival and he looked at me like I was insane and said  _ my dear it is Tuesday _ , like I was supposed to know what that meant.”

Eggsy stared up at the sky. A cloud rolled by that looked like a bunny. Daisy was on a bunny kick right now, his mum had said. He thought about it. “You ever seen Merlin here on a Tuesday after like 1?”

“Not that I can remember,” Roxy said after thinking about it. “Never seen him here on a Saturday.”

“Huh,” Eggsy searched his memory. “Rox, think about it? How much do you actually see him? I mean always in your ear on missions, yeah? And you see him? But he takes up so much space that freaky stare of his, how much do we remember seeing him, and how much do we actually see him?”

“We see him loads,” Roxy protested and then quieted. “Or it feels like loads.”

“Around missions, but just at the estate like your Percival always chilling in the library, or Bors bothering R&D?”

“There is a picture now on his desk,” Roxy said. “Went up a few days ago.”

“Yeah saw it, figured it was one of those weird jokes he and Harry have,” Eggsy dismissed it.

“He’s smiling in it. Like a real smile.”

“How you know it’s fake, Rox,” Eggsy joked. “You know our forgery people are top notch.”

“Sure,” she agreed. “Just saying, what do we know about him, really?”

“He keeps us alive, has the most serious face ever, his Scottish accent somehow has gotten stronger, and he’s really fit?”

“That you’ve noticed, hmm?”

“Like you haven’t seen him box in the gym. Half the staff go to watch.” Eggsy snorted and stood up. “Come on we both smell gross.”

They went and showered. Eggsy walked through to Merlin’s office and Merlin was there typing away and Eggsy looked at the picture frame. Had to be a Harry joke. He gave Merlin a wave and headed into the city.

******************************************

“Merlin, your nails are pink sparkly,” Eggsy pointed out.

“Hmm, Pinkie Pie,” Merlin said. “Toes are purple for Twilight Sparkle.” He gave Eggsy a bland look. “Problem with that?”

“No,” Eggsy said quickly.

“Ye are more a Rainbow Dash person, I am betting,” Merlin said.

“Daisy is a little young for that? Into Peppa right now,” Eggsy offered. What he knew of My Little Pony was what he had seen when shopping for stuffed animals for Daisy. She loved stuffed animals. He sent her one a week. Mum wanted to kill him but he didn't care, Daisy deserved some spoiling.

“I have a bunch of Peppa toys, mostly outgrown, I will mail them to your sister.”

“Thanks. Why do you?” Eggsy decided not to follow up on that. It was probably some insane mission related situation. 

Harry walked into the office and his nails were a pale yellow and Merlin leaned into Eggsy. “Ye’d think he was a Rarity fan, with his devotion to fashion, but he adores Fluttershy.” 

“As any reasonable man would,” Harry argued. 

Merlin opened his mouth but his personal phone vibrated. He looked at it and frowned. “MI-6, code ribbon.” He went to a closet and pulled out a bag.

“Take three days,” Harry said and held Eggsy back when he started to follow Merlin and Merlin was gone.

“Harry, if MI-6 is calling Merlin, it must be some serious shit, we need to back him up,” Eggsy protested.

“While it is a very serious situation, Merlin is the one best suited to this task,” Harry said firmly. “Your loyalty is noted and appreciated, but you would be in the way. This requires a delicate touch, and Merlin has the gentleness required for this situation.”

“Gentle?” Eggsy gave Harry a look. “Merlin? Closest I’ve seen him be gentle in not give me a concussion when whacking me with his clipboard, when I mouth off.”

Harry laughed at Eggsy, “Excellent joke.”

Eggsy hadn’t been joking. Well about the clipboard sure, Merlin never hit him, but he wasn’t joking about the laughable idea of Merlin being gentle.

*********************************************

“Hey, Merlin, a little help?” Eggsy whispered trapped in a closet. This had been an easy job, only somehow because fate occasionally hated him, while he had been stealing plans, a few blokes had broken in to steal the gold in the safe and now he was stuck hiding, hoping they decided not to chase after the sound they heard.

“Hullo, I’m Clara, I’ll be your quartermaster this afternoon. At the end of my assistance, you will be asked to review my performance, at which time I might get sweets for doing a good job, right?” There was a giggle, a very small giggle.

Eggsy blinked. “Huh?” He checked to see if a strange gas was seeping into the closet and was causing an auditory hallucination. That had been a little girl. Answering Merlin’s channel. It had to be a hallucination. Or he passed out and was having a really fucking weird dream.

“You aren’t supposed to be in here munchkin,” Eggsy heard. That was Merlin’s voice. He was pretty sure that was Merlin’s voice, only he didn’t know the man could sound so soft. And that he would know the word munchkin. “Why aren’t you with Lacey and Bethany?”

“Had to get the markers from my room. You didn’t lock the door. Again. Audy is gonna be sooooo mad at you. And I heard the beep. Three beeps that sound low and deep. I know what that means. It was mission time!” She began to hum the Mission Impossible theme.

“Crap,” Eggsy heard Merlin say. There was a giggle again. “You know ye only run level 2 missions with Uncle Harry. And before ye saying anything I know, swear jar. Now go downstairs, Audra is breaking out the slime and Gretchen will be home from class shortly.”

“Okay. Bye agent! Remember my sweets! Uncle Harry can tell you where to get the good ones, the ones that Daddy says rot our teeth and brains!” the small voice called and Eggsy was sure he slipped into another universe. Alternate universe was absolutely the only explanation for this.

“Agent?” Merlin’s voice flooded his ears. “Report.”

“What the fuck, Merlin?” Eggsy asked. “Who the fuck was that?” He lowered his voice when he realized he was shouting. He could hear feet running.

“Clara. Ye have seen the photo on my desk.”

“With you in the jorts? and a caravan behind you? Thought Harry photoshopped it as a gag.” Eggsy could hear people getting closer, searching for him but this was more important. “You have a kid?”

“Five,” Merlin replied, like this wasn’t information that was completely reshaping Eggsy’s understanding of the world. Like this wasn’t the biggest bombshell of information in the history of mankind.  “That was from our road trip last summer. Adventure is a kind word for a caravan with my five lasses. Now then report.”

“YOU HAVE FIVE DAUGHTERS?” Never mind, that was the biggest bombshell. Atomic big, wipe out dinosaurs big. Merlin, five daughters. Bloody hell.

“Report, agent,” Merlin said firmly.

“We are so talking about this if I don’t die,” Eggsy snapped. He could not cope with this information and had to set it aside, seeing as the footsteps were right in front of his closet.

“Well then, don’t die,” Merlin replied. “You owe Clara some sweets after all, I’m sure she was doing an excellent job before my arrival.”

Eggsy could swear it almost sounded like Merlin was laughing at him. They were so talking about this. He kicked the door and fought his way through, Merlin in his ear the whole time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.zoopla.co.uk/for-sale/details/46798206?search_identifier=656de829687cb09819320ed5f637c782#RfsPUhr5hTMl9SWc.97 merlin's house.

Eggsy usually talked to the driver on the way back to the shop. But he couldn’t. His brain was broken. Merlin. Five daughters. 

Five.

Like the number five. That was impossible. Merlin couldn’t have five daughters. It was a joke. A weird makes no sense joke. But 100% a joke.

Oh god, the girl that wasn’t real but some sort of joke or hallucination had said Uncle Harry.  Bloody hell, this was a weird joke they cooked up, though. Right, daughter of one of the other agents maybe. Well, Eggsy could go along with it. He could watch it all play out, no problem. He was whistling by the time he walked through the shop and up to Harry’s office, sure he had it nailed.

“Hey, Arthur, got a bit sticky on the mission,” Eggsy said after he didn’t knock. He always made his footsteps heavier and Harry had the option to throw the locks before Eggsy barged in. He hadn’t yet.

“Merlin, informed me. Any of the erstwhile thieves see your face?”

“Nope,” Eggsy promised. He held up a usb stick. “And got what we needed.”

“Well done, as ever, Galahad,” Harry praised. “Right now you don’t have anything upcoming so focus on training.”

“Sure, Harry,” Eggsy grinned. “Need to ask you where to buy sweets that rot your teeth and brains, though.”

“I would imagine you know where to buy candy well enough,” Harry was a bit confused. 

“Merlin didn’t tell you?”

“No,” Harry paused. Waited.

“Oh, well Clara informed me that if she does a good job, she gets sweets. And that ‘Uncle Harry’ knows where the good ones are.” Eggsy grinned at Harry. Waited for the joke to play out.

Harry laughed, “Clara is only allowed level 2 missions with me.”

“That’s what I heard Merlin say. Which by the way, bit odd a kid knows about being a quartermaster and missions innit? Not exactly very secret spy?” Eggsy figured this was what made the whole gag fall apart. No way would Merlin compromise a mission by having a child know about it.

Harry was grinning. “It is a game. A level two Uncle Harry mission is when Merlin is being too strict about candy and the girls contact me to bring in supplies. Started with Audra...good lord almost twenty years ago.” Harry sighed and rubbed his jaw. “Jesus, she grew up too fast and the others are doing the same.” He grabbed his pen and wrote on a notecard. “Here you go, Clara likes any purple sweeties, but avoid sour. Gretchen is the only one that likes sour candy. Keep that in mind if you are bringing for all of them.” Harry paused. “And Bethany gets sick with processed sugar, but likes dried fruit.”

“So, Audra, Clara, Gretchen, and Bethany.” Eggsy is sure that he caught Harry out. “Thought there were five.”

“Lacey, the youngest. She likes chocolate flake bars,” Harry offered. “The address I gave you knows my standard order for the girls, just go with that.”

“Because Merlin, taciturn badass Merlin has five little girls.”

“Never said they were all little,” Harry replied. His phone rang. “Excuse me, Eggsy.”

“I don’t know where Merlin lives,” Eggsy said.

“The driver does,” Harry replied. He waved Eggsy out of the office.

Eggsy went back down and handed the page to the driver who smiled. “Ahh the Young sweeties order run,” the driver said.

That threw Eggsy a little, that Harry and Merlin were going that far for their gag on him, but he could roll with it. “Yeah, I owe Clara.”

“Spitfire that one. If Audra hadn’t made Merlin bald long ago, that one would do it.” The driver took him to the shop and only had to circle twice to get a spot which was pretty good. “Just inform them the Hart order for the Young girls, they’ll take care of the rest.”

“Thanks,” Eggsy said. He went in and it was the exact sort of dreamy and posh sweets store that you would expect Harry to shop at. And to be fair the shit looked brilliant. He grabbed an old fashioned basket and threw a few things in that looked all sorts of awesome. He went to the counter and told the girl working, “Hart order for the Young girls?”

The girl beamed. “Oh of course, he hadn’t been in for his monthly visit yet and we were getting worried. He spoils his nieces so.” She told him to wait a few minutes and he watched her move around the shop and then return and prepare five different bags all tied in different ribbons. Eggsy’s heart stuttered at paying 100 pounds for sweets, but he paid it. The driver headed out, knowing where Merlin lived. It was a quiet street all detached houses, the sort that cost a fortune. He thought of his estate and shook his head, it seemed so much space. The driver pulled in front.

“Galahad, this is your destination. Do you wish me to wait?”

Eggsy shook his head. “Nah, I’ll find my own way.”

“Very good, sir, say hello to the girls, then,” he replied.

Eggsy got out. The house wasn’t big, or at least not the biggest on the street, but felt huge all the same, and had epic gardens. He could not picture Merlin gardening, even though he could see a bucket with tools there on the walk. It was beautiful and domestic and not at all the sterile flat he figured Merlin lived in. Kingsman must own the property he figured, and Merlin was having a laugh in there waiting for him. 

Window was open and he thought he heard Little Mermaid. He knocked and wait. There were a bunch of footsteps and then a woman about his age opened the door. She was beautiful, and doing that retro look some girls liked to rock with the thick bangs and glasses and blood red lips. The lipstick almost distracted from the long scar along her cheek that trailed down to her neck.

“Hiya? Don’t know you, which means Galahad right?” She looked him up and down. “Interesting,” she said and had a faint smile.

Eggsy knew that smile.

It was Merlin’s you have disappointed me in an amusing way smile. It was the shape of his lips and jaw. The eyes were bright blue, but something in the shape.

“Fucking hell, you are his daughter.”

“Audra, the oldest,” she said. The agent looked so gobsmacked. “Well, coming in?” She opened the door wider. “We’re all up in the family room. Under the Sea is about to come on, and you never want to miss that.”

“Why?”

“Because Da sings it amazing,” Audra said like it was obvious. “Oh and no saying fucking hell around the little ones.” He still wasn’t moving. “In or out, agent?”

“In,” Eggsy said finally. “I have sweets?”

“Brilliant!” Audra snatched the bag and hurried back upstairs. For a moment Eggsy watched the sway of hips as she ran upstairs and then realized he was checking out Merlin’s daughter and felt his soul depart his body, trying to escape the upcoming pain if Merlin found out about that.

He followed all the way upstairs where he could hear giggles, including one that he recognized.

Clara.

His head popped up into a bright family room space where Little Mermaid was playing on a big telly and Audra was handing out bags to everyone.

And Merlin was indeed singing Under the Sea to the smallest girl who had a mermaid blanket around her legs.

Merlin singing. 

Merlin singing a Disney princess movie.

While wearing a pink feather boa.

If this was a prank it was going really far. Farther than anyone had ever in the history of pranks. And at the end of the song the girl in the mermaid blanket cheered and Merlin picked her up and spun her around. “Better Lacey?”

“Yes Daddy,” she said happily. She glared at one of the other girls. “But I still want Gretchen to write a letter to the Tooth Fairy explaining it is her fault there is no tooth under the pillow.”

“Well don’t yank a tooth out with pliers right over the sink!” Gretchen said.

“You should have caught it before it went down the drain. Audy would have, wouldn’t you Audy?”

Audra smiled. “Oh of course I would have,” she agreed. She winced when Gretchen kicked her. “Tell you what, what if after dinner we make a substitute tooth out of some Sculpey, to replace it?”

Lacey smiled. “Spectacular!”

She said it the way Merlin did, though she left off the fucking Merlin always added.

The Merlin who was standing, a girl on his hip like it was natural. Which it must be. Because that was five girls, all looking like a family.

“Oh that’s -” Audra paused. “What’s your name?”

“Eggsy,” Merlin said. “Hello Eggsy, thank you for the sweets.” Merlin gave his girls a pointed look and they all chimed in their thanks. “Eggsy, this is Audra, Gretchen, Bethany, Clara, and Lacey.”

“You didn’t die!” Clara said. “Are you as good as Uncle Harry?”

“No one is,” Eggsy said.

“Uncle Harry is the best with puppet shows,” Lacey added. “Do you do puppet shows?”

“I can sing,” Eggsy said. He felt all eyes staring at him. “Uhhh, and I can braid hair.”

“You can stay,” Bethany offered.

“Thanks?” Eggsy was a little terrified by it all. He looked to Merlin.

“Ye are welcome,” Merlin offered. Lacey wiggled and he put her down. She went back to her blanket and snatched up her sweets bag. “And all of you, only a couple pieces, stir fry for dinner tonight. Yes Bethany I know no mushrooms, and I have a separate pan for the meat Gretchen, and yes Lacey you will have to eat a piece of broccoli”

“Blech,” Lacey said.

It was a bloody sitcom. “Right, sorry, just remembered a thing,” Eggsy said and ran from all that cheerfulness. Merlin smiling like that freaked him out a little too much. He needed space to come to terms with it. As he left he was pretty sure he heard the man singing again. He moved faster, terrified by all this new intel.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> enjoy some merlin with his two oldest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://anarchycox.tumblr.com/post/172448121443/fancast-of-merlins-daughters-for-the-five-wonders fancast of merlin's girls

Merlin was sitting at his home computer in his tiny office up on the second floor. It was cramped and he loved it, computer facing out the window over their front gardens. It had easy access to the eaves storage where he had items that he hoped his girls never found out about. That side of the storage needed his retinal scan to get in, the other half of the eaves storage was luggage and Christmas decorations. He was finishing up some budget reports for Harry since the younger were all asleep, and Gretchen was out with her boyfriend. 

There was a knock on his door and he turned around. “Come on in,” he said. He smiled at Audra with the tray and her bag. “Hey, love,” he said softly.

“Can I work in here?” she asked.

“Of course, but you should be out with Hannah,” he protested. “Why are ye doing work on a Thursday night?”

“Hannah decided women were just a phase and that it was fun, uni experimentation,” Audra said with a shrug. She put the tray down on the small table in the corner and brought Merlin a cuppa and a biscuit. She then settled into the chair and pulled out her laptop.

“Want me to have Uncle Harry kill her?” Merlin asked seriously.

“No, Dad, don’t kill the girl I dated for like two months, it’s fine.” 

“Is it?” Merlin asked. He got up and kneeled in front of her. He cupped her cheek covering the scar. “Your heart, my dear?”

“Barely bruised,” Audra replied. She leaned into the touch a bit. “Thanks, Da.” 

Merlin nodded and stood. He kissed her head and went back to his desk. “I’m doing budgets. You?”

“Chapter 3 of my thesis apparently needed heavy rewrites,” Audra sneered. “Fucking wanker of an outside committee member.”

Merlin was offended. “Your research is impeccable.”

“I know but my tone is ‘too casual’ and also ‘too emotional’.”

“Ye are talking about ptsd in children due to V-day, how can ye not be emotional?” Merlin asked.

“No fucking clue,” Audra said. “But my advisor gave me some tips on words that will make the guy happy but not change my work much.”

“Music?” Merlin asked.

“Just something white noisy?” she requested and took a sip of her tea.

Merlin put on the sounds of a rainy day and they both worked happily, Audra occasionally reading sentences aloud and Merlin commenting on the sound of it. He read R&D financial report and muttered about it. They both got so involved in their work they forgot their tea and the passage of time until they heard the front door slam. 

They both blinked and looked at each other. Merlin looked at the time, “Gretchen is home early,” he said. “Not even 11 yet.”

“Club was a bust?” Audra suggested. They both saved their files and waited. Gretchen knocked on the door a minute later.

“Nerds!” she shouted.

“Yes, Gretchen?” Merlin called. She opened the door and Merlin stood up, “Who am I killing?” he said.

“No one, Da,” she replied. Her dress was torn and her makeup smudged. “Some assholes got in a brawl and a few of us got caught in the middle of it. Ben tried to be all noble and protect me. Boy has a glass jaw and crumbled from one hit. So I fucked up the guy who hit him.”

“Damn right you did,” Merlin agreed. He pulled her into a tight hug. “But terrifying isn’t it?”

Gretchen tried to bluff. “I’m fine, you trained us good.” Her knuckles were skinned and she remembered when she and Audra fought on V-day. “I’m fine,” she repeated. “Fine,” she gulped.

Merlin held her tight. “Match your breathing to mine, bunny.” Merlin took slow, deep breaths. “Audy, go get some make-up wipes and sweats?”

“Of course,” Audra said and ran out of the office.

Gretchen tried to match her breathing to her father’s but it was difficult. “I could have killed the fucker.”

“But ye didn’t. And ye didn’t kill Audra,” he said, knowing what this was really about.

“I did that to her face,” Gretchen said.

“And she had ye pissing blood for a week,” Merlin commented. “And ye two kept your little sisters safe.  I have never been mad at ye two for what happened that day, and I never will be."

“Daddy,” she said as she clutched him tight. 

“I know bunny,” he said and rubbed her back. Audra returned with the items and Merlin took the wipes and helped Gretchen remove her running makeup. “Ye don’t need all the paint, such a pretty girl.”

“But the paint is fun, Da,” she said.  “Mum wears lipstick, even trampling through a jungle.”

“Ye are very much her daughter,” Merlin agreed.

“Yours too,” Gretchen replied. 

Merlin kissed her nose. “Get changed, I’ll put on some Doctor Who.”

He left the girls and closed the door, hearing Audra promise that it didn’t matter, it never mattered. He pulled some blankets out from the chest and put on some fifth doctor, Gretchen’s favourite. A little bit later both girls came out of the office and settled onto the couch with him. They all bundled into blankets and watched in silence.

“Tell me Ben at least responded appropriately to ye defending his honour,” Merlin said after a bit.

“Called me Furiosa and offered to bear my children,” Gretchen replied and Audra snorted.

“Good, I like him,” Merlin said.

“He’s still terrified of you,” Gretchen replied.

“I’ve always been perfectly nice.”

“You shot him in the face at Bethany’s paint ball birthday.”

Merlin grinned. “Fun times.”

Gretchen moved closer and Merlin put his arm around her. “Thanks, Da.”

“Oh bunny, I wish ye never had to use what I’ve taught you two, but I am glad ye can defend yourself and those weaker around you.” Merlin laughed at the dramatics of the show. “I need to wipe any footage or records?”

“Nah, instigators were clear, coppers let us go easy enough,” Gretchen answered. She yawned, worn out from the adrenaline.

“To bed with you, lass,” Merlin said. 

“Can we just sleep up here?” she asked. “Sleepover, the three of us.”

“So long as ye get me the hot water bottle for my poor aching back in the morning, aye,” Merlin agreed.

“Yes because you are ancient and falling apart,” Gretchen teased. “Get you a walker, old man.”

“Now, now, Gretch, be nice. Dad isn’t that bad,” Audra said. “A cane with the four feet with tennis balls on it should be enough.” 

“Thank you kindly,” Merlin said dryly and his girls laughed at him. Audra went and got them a few more pillows and came back and the three settled in on the ground.

“So, Eggsy was interesting,” Gretchen said after another episode. “Why was he so freaked?”

“He apparently dinnae know about any of you.”

“Really?” Audra and Gretchen said at the same time.

“Aye, don’t know how, I don’t exactly hide my home life at work.” Merlin shrugged. “I’ll explain about all of you, next time I see him.”

“Is he good?”

“Very. Uncle Harry’s protege. Man adores him.”

“Like adores him, adores him?” Gretchen asked. “Uncle Harry’s not had a boyfriend in years.”

“No, not like that, more paternal,” Merlin said. 

“Gotcha,” Gretchen replied. “Uncle Harry coming over soon?”

“I would imagine so,” Merlin turned off the telly. “Why?”

“Art project for class, need his help,” Gretchen replied.

“I can help,” Merlin protested.

“With art?” Gretchen looked at him. “Really, Dad? You are colour blind.”

“I can still help, always help my girls with homework.”

“Dad, even if you weren’t colour blind, you think the height of art is Calvin and Hobbes comic strips,” Audra pointed out.

“They are timeless!” Merlin complained. “Clever drawing, more clever words. They are perfect.”

“And that is why I want Uncle Harry’s help for my installation plans for my final,” Gretchen replied.

“Fine,” Merlin sighed. “Now to sleep,” he told them.

They all snuggled into the nest and Merlin squeezed the shoulder of his two eldest. “Goodnight Audy, may the shining stars light the way of your dreams,” he said like he used to when she was a child being tucked in. “Goodnight, bunny, the moon will guide you through, no darkness can harm you.”

“Night Da,” both girls replied and the three fell asleep in the pile of blankets and pillows.

In the morning they were woken by the younger girls jumping on them protesting that they missed a sleepover, and demanding their own for that night. Merlin’s back felt like shit, but it was worth it. The little ones snuggled into the nest and they all watched My Little Pony until they got too hungry and drifted downstairs for food. Merlin got the little ones ready for school, and Audra drove them in, while Gretchen went to the underground to go to uni, and Merlin headed to the office to see if Eggsy had recovered from all his shocks yet.


	4. Chapter 4

Eggsy wasn't avoiding Merlin, precisely. Mostly. Sort of. But you know, he had maybe been focused on his paperwork. In his office. Or up on the third floor in a storage room. 

No big deal.

It was just really hard to come to terms with Merlin as a dad. To all those girls. Five of them had stared at him, with the Merlin look.

And Merlin had been friendly.

Who is expected to cope with that? Friendly Merlin.

"Eggsy?" he heard Harry call out. 

He had also maybe not been avoiding Harry. But Uncle Harry was just as weird as Friendly Father Merlin. And fuck if that didn't make him sound like a character on an ITV show that his gran would have loved. Daddy Merlin. Oh god, that was all sorts of creepy.

And see this was why he was avoiding Merlin.

He hid behind a few crates when the door opened. "Eggsy," Harry chided, "I know you are in here."

"How?"

"Moved about dust," Harry explained. He went over and opened the curtains and light poured in. "Now then, ollie ollie oxen free."

Eggsy sighed and popped up. "Hey," he said.

Harry went over and pulled two sheets away producing wingback chairs. He sat in one and gestured. Eggsy reluctantly came over and sat. Harry stared at him and Eggsy stared back. "You saved the world," Harry commented.

"Yup," Eggsy agreed. "And this is still freakier than all that shit."

"A man having daughters is that traumatizing?" Harry asked. He was trying so desperately not to laugh at Eggsy but he was a mix of pooh bear befuddled and rabbit grumpy about this. And Harry realized how much he had been watching Winnie the Pooh with Lacey. Merlin was Kanga, and Harry had to admit he had a bit of Owl about him. He focused back on Eggsy. "They are just babies."

"Babies? One is my age," Eggsy said.

"3 years younger, and I remember when she was born, god Merlin was a wreck."

"Merlin is never a wreck," Eggsy said. "The world would fall apart if Merlin was a wreck. What the hell, Harry?" Eggsy leaned forward. He bit his lip. "It's not a weird prank, right? I mean this would be a very elaborate set up for a prank."

Harry couldn't hold back his laughter this time. "No, Eggsy, it isn't a prank." He quieted when Eggsy ducked his head. "I am sorry. But how didn't you know?"

"How would I? He doesn't talk about them."

"He has a photo on his desk."

"Yeah of one, not all five. Wait why doesn't he have all five?" Eggsy frowned. "Is he the sort to play favourites?"

"Digital frame," Harry said. "But he hates the speed of them, so has it set to change the photo every 30 minutes. You seem to have had the statistical improbability of seeing the same photo each time. But granted there are only 10 in there. One of each girl and then 5 family portraits." Harry grinned wickedly. "Yes they have done department store family portraits."

"Bull fucking shit," Eggsy said. He reared back in the chair. "I did fall into a different timeline."

"You really should have him show you the family trip photo albums, they are really quite lovely. Merlin in Mickey Mouse ears," Harry added. He shouldn't torture Eggsy so, but dear lord this was the most fun he had had in weeks. He would stop now. "Merlin has every Disney princess song memorized," he added. "And he can sew."

"Sew?"

"Had Andrew give him lessons. He has made all their Christmas pageant costumes himself." Oh that might have been too much information, Eggsy had gone rather pale. "Eggsy?" Had the lad stopped breathing? Harry whacked Eggsy's chest. "Breathe man, it isn't that hard to make a Joseph costume."

"Wait, Joseph?"

"Gretchen really sold his fear and awe well," Harry said. "And the fake beard was adorable."

"Because Uncle Harry was there, at a Christmas pageant for Merlin's daughters." Eggsy looked at him. "Because Uncle Harry is beloved."

"I like to think they are fond of me, yes. And I am fond of them. And it was one of the years their mother didn't make it back in time." Harry snuggled into the chair. He needed to bring these down to his office, they were extremely comfortable. The colour was attractive as well. Hmmm, they should probably go through all this storage.

"That's the thing also bothering me," Eggsy said. "Their mum. I kinda got a gay vibe off Merlin."

"You expect me to tell you of his sexuality without his permission?" Harry gave him a stern look. 

"No," Eggsy said swiftly. "No, Harry. I'm sorry. God this has me so fucked up. I'm used to guys seeming nice and then beating the shit out of you. Not guys who look like murders and then sing Disney and probably kiss booboos."

Harry looked at him. "Eggsy," he said softly.

"Fuck, I'll get my head on square, ignore me Haz," Eggsy said. "I'll stop hiding." He stood up.

"Once upon a time there was a young man getting a degree in computer science and there was a young woman studying disease who dreamed of finding a cure for something, anything," Harry began. Eggsy sank down into a chair. "Meeting of two brilliant minds. He wrote her programs to run her numbers, she kept him in the best health he had ever been in. She got her phd and went to do six months of field work in a dessert studying bugs to see what disease they carried. Or something, she has explained and I always fall asleep." Harry shrugged. "She returned and they wed, having missed each other desperately. And she took a few more field assignments but then had to cut one short because she was pregnant. She took time off, but less than many because she missed work and Merlin never let go of Audra anyways. But she tried to stay home and a few years later she had Gretchen. And she began to chafe, she hated an office lab, wanted to be in the field. So they hired a nanny and she left and they tried to keep it long distance and work, but it didn't. She broke it off, wanting Merlin to be happy and knowing he wouldn't. The girls stayed with him. She comes home most Christmases, and the girls have spent summers in the field with her. She is a good woman, one that remains friends with Merlin and myself, and one he greatly respects."

Eggsy frowned. "But that's Audra and Gretchen. What about the little ones?" He thought about it. "Who all sorta look different?"

"That story I will let Merlin tell," Harry explained. "And he tells it better, doesn't he?" Harry called out.

Eggsy looked over and Merlin was standing at the door, mug in hand. "Aye, Code Ribbon is my story to tell. Though ye could have said her name." He looked at Eggsy. "Audra and Gretchen's mother is Dr. Susan Waithe."

"Why do I know that name?" Eggsy frowned.

"She has won numerous awards, including the nobel, and the poison you killed Chester with is called Waithe's Sleep, she developed it for me." Merlin smiled. "Dreadful cook though." He came into the room. "Harry Bedievere is looking for you."

Harry nodded and stood up. He squeezed Eggsy's shoulder and Merlin took his place.

It was Merlin and Eggsy's turn to stare at each other.

"Bethany was wondering if you were serious about hair braiding and if you could give me lessons. Audra and Gretchen never cared much about their hair and those youtube videos are a nightmare to follow."

"Yeah?" Eggsy said. "I'm good at it."

"I hope you will teach me," Merlin said easily.

"You're a Da," Eggsy said.

"Aye," he replied.

"No, like you are a Da, the sort who loves his kids, and does kid shit, and just...you're a Da." The way Eggsy emphasized the word hurt Merlin. 

"I try to be a good one, I fail regularly."

"Trust me, I know from failure parents. You ain't one." Eggsy looked at him. "So tell me about Code Ribbon and the young girls then."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the fancast for merlin's ex is Emily Watson

“Q,” Merlin said when he answered his phone. “Have to cancel our plans for a beer?”

“I have a problem, Merlin,” Q said.

Merlin sat up straight and logged into the systems of MI-6. “Agent?”

“002 died on a mission,” Q replied voice devoid of any feeling. Merlin quickly looked it up, well versed in MI-6’s system and read the report.

“You need one of my men?” Merlin was a little confused, everything was already cleaned up.

“I need you,” Q said. He was quiet and then Merlin heard a child crying in the background. “002 had a daughter. Her mother is having difficulties coping with the loss of her husband. When we went to tell her, she didn’t react...well, and we decided it was best to remove the child for a while.”

“You have a child with you. You, Q,” Merlin said.

“Yes,” Q’s voice was short, tense.

“I’ll be there in half an hour.” Merlin got up and ran. He made it to MI-6 in record time and security let him through with little fuss. He ran through agents and staff, at this point following the noise of a stropping child. He opened Q’s door and the girl was in full tantrum on the ground kicking and screaming and the elderly Q was behind his desk terrified. 

Merlin sat on the ground a good metre away from the girl. “Hello,” he said softly. “My name is Hamish.” For a moment he blanked and then a memory of upset Gretchen floated through his head and he recited from memory, “In an old house in Paris that was covered in vines, lived 12 little girls in two straight lines. In two straight lines they broke their bread and brushed their teeth and went to bed.” Apparently even though it had been a few years since he had read it to his daughters Merlin still had the entirety of Madeline memorized. The little girl was quieting and Merlin repeated the story twice more and by the end of that third recitation she was sitting up and looking at him. “Hello, little one. It is a bad day today isn’t it?” 

“I told her it would be okay,” Q offered.

“But it won’t be, will it?” Merlin replied calmly. Both Q and the girl looked at him in shock. “How can it, right lass? Because your father died and your mother was hurting enough she couldn’t see your hurting correct?” The girl nodded and scooted closer to Merlin. “And yesterday everything was fine and today it very much isn’t and that means now you know that days can hurt a lot, hurt more than you think you can hold.” Her lip quivered, and Merlin held out his arms and the girl cuddled into him and he cradled her and swayed as she cried this time from sadness and not a tantrum.

She fell asleep in his arms and Merlin looked at Q who was completely flummoxed. “Is her mother stable?”

“Yes, but this struck her hard, especially since there is no body to return to her. Looked into the family. She has a mother up north, we are arranging for her to come down. But I don’t feel comfortable sending the girl back home yet,” Q admitted. “Her mother put on quite a display.”

Merlin smiled a little, Q was such a classic stiff upper lip British man. “I’ll take her home with me, Audra and Gretchen will enjoy her. And I have some clothes that will fit her.”

“You daughters are a few years older than her now,” Q said. “I am pretty sure. They are correct?”

“Audra is 12, Gretchen 8, Q. So a couple years, but I admit I have kept a bunch.” Merlin smiled, “I’m sentimental.”

“My agents would never believe it, even 007 is nervous around you,” Q said.

Merlin stood with only a little difficulty. “I wish my agents were still scared of me, too many times wearing things the girls made me, ruined my mystique.”

Q stood as well. “Thank you, Merlin. You do me a great service here.”

Merlin held the girl tight. “I am happy to help,” he replied sincerely.

*****************************************

“And that is how Code Ribbon was born,” Merlin said to Eggsy. “When a Kingsman, MI-5, or MI-6 agent falls and they have a daughter who needs looking after or a friendly ear, I am there. There is a me equivalent for boys as well. Some I have just watched over night, or been a bit of a big brother to, others have stayed a week or two, one a year, and two now carry the the last name Young.”

“Two?” Eggsy asked puzzled.

“Bethan and Clara,” Merlin explained.

“Tell me,” Eggsy insisted.

******************************************

“Fuck, fuck, bugger, and fuck,” Tristan said. “Merlin, I can’t stop the bleeding.”

“Help is on the way agent,” Merlin promised. “Galahad will be there soon.”

“Not soon enough,” Tristan coughed and it was an incredibly liquid sound. “Merlin...Merlin, promise me.”

“Anything agent,” Merlin said. “Just keep fighting to stay with us. Galahad’s eta is 11 minutes.”

“9,” Harry replied, gasping running like he hadn’t since he was twenty.

“My daughter,” Tristan said.  Merlin froze, it was nowhere in his files.  “Bethany,” Tristan gasped and coughed some more. “Bethany Collins. She’s five. Please, Merlin take care of her, she doesn’t have anyone else. Just promise me.”

“I promise,” Merlin said. He kept repeating the words over and over, he made lavish promises and kept repeating them, even when there was only Harry’s voice in his ear.

“Merlin, he’s gone,” Harry said quietly.

“I promise,” Merlin repeated. “I promise, Tristan.” He gave Harry orders and once Harry was at the extraction point he turned off his comms and did some digging in Tristan’s file. It took some time, which impressed him because computers were not a strong suit of Tristan’s but he found the blip and then followed it. He requested a car and was driving to Cornwall. He ended up in front of a well kept building and touched the buzzer. 

“Hello,” he said, “I’m Hamish Young, I was a friend of Nathaniel Collins.”

“Don’t know no one by that name,” a woman said.

“He asked me to come see Bethany. He was a good man, a good knight, and his wizard wishes he could have brought the man home,” Merlin’s voice was choked. He had lost many an agent but this felt different. It made him think of Lee. He and Harry were careful to never discuss Lee.

The buzzer sounded and Merlin went to the third floor walk up and knocked on the door. He knew he was being watched. “You look like one of the men he showed me photos of,” she said. “Which one then?”

“Merlin,” he answered.

“He said you were a bastard. A cold hearted bastard and that I should run if you ever came to our door.”

“That would have been Arthur,” Merlin corrected. “He would have told you about my daughters, Audra and Gretchen. I used to have hair before their teen years.” He reached back and pulled out his wallet. He opened it up and pulled a black square out. He held a light up to it and a photo of them appeared. “One leaving puberty and the other going in swinging. I have bought so much eye shadow and tampons, I have bought stock in certain companies. God bless Audra for at least hating boy bands, though all that emo crap might be worse.” Merlin paused. “Oh they are just boy bands with more dark make up. She played me.” Merlin was frowning. “I hate Panic at the Disco.”

She laughed a little. “Okay, yeah, you check out.” She opened the door. “Millie, nanny and caregiver for Bethany.”

“Hello,” Merlin held out his hand. “I am sorry to report the fall of Nathaniel.”

“He warned me it could come. And warned me if it was anyone but you or the fancy one...Galahad, I was to take Bethany and run.” She lead him to the couch and went to make them some tea. He heard a door open just a little but didn’t look. He let the small pair of eyes take his measure. He stood up when Millie came with the tea tray and then poured out. He looked at the smaller cup filled with milk and carefully put it on the table closer to Millie.

“Nathaniel was a good man, clever, and he had fast fingers,” Merlin said.

“He braided my hair,” the voice by the door said.

“For as good as my fingers are on the keyboard, braiding hair has never be a skill of mine,” Merlin said. “My older girl Audra isn’t bad at it.”

“Dads are supposed to be good at braiding hair,” Bethany said.

“Aye,” Merlin agreed. “I know most of the songs in Disney movies though.”

“We like Beauty and the Beast, don’t we Bethany?” Millie prodded.

“I’m very good at Be Our Guest,” Merlin said. Bethany didn’t respond and he didn’t push. “I have a clown fish tattoo, you know,” he told Millie, “Looks just like Marlin.”

“Now why would a grown man do that?” Millie asked.

“Because Gretchen got lost once, missing for four hours at a festival. I tore the place apart and when I found her she was just sitting on a crate as cool as could be. I asked why she wasn’t scared and she said ‘you are like Marlin, from Nemo. I knew you’d find me. You wouldn’t stop. You’d face a shark and ride in a pelican’s mouth for me. Uncle Harry can be Dory because he always forgets I like sour candy.’” Merlin finally looked at the door. “I cannae braid hair, but I can do other things. Including getting a tattoo of a cartoon fish because my daughter thinks it is who I am.”

“Nu-uh,” the girl said. 

He looked at Millie. “May I?” She nodded curious herself. He took his jumper off and unbuttoned his shirt and there in the hollow between chest and shoulder was a tattoo of Marlin. “It is silly but that moment mattered to me.”

“My dad let me draw on him,” Bethany said. “I drew horses.”

“Horses are perfect things to draw.”

“He’s not coming to visit again is he?” she asked.

“No, lass.”

Bethany came out of the room and went and curled up in Millie’s lap. “Do we stay here?”

“You can,” he said. “I can see to your comfort. Or you can come home with me. Meet my girls Audra and Gretchen and if you like us, you can stay forever.”

“What about Millie?” 

Merlin looked at her. “Millie can come along too.”

**************************************

“Millie stayed for 4 months and then moved back to Cornwall, I set her up working at a creche,” Merlin explained. It was getting dark, but he didn’t think they were leaving this room until all the tales were told. “A year after that, Bethany took my name and we signed all the formal paperwork.”

“And years and you still can’t braid her hair,” Eggsy shook his head. “Weak, Merlin, weak.” He teased and was surprised at how sad Merlin looked. Shit. “Bruv…”

“It’s fine,” Merlin said.

“No, I upset you.”

Merlin shook his head. “No her hair, it is incredibly fine, Audra and Gretchen have this insanely thick hair, and Bethany’s is just all these wisps and it slips through my fingers.”

“You wash it every day, well I mean does she?”

“Aye. She likes strawberry shampoo,” Merlin said. “Five different shampoos in all my baths.”

“Every other day, even every three, use dry shampoo maybe, gives some grip,” Eggsy explained. He watched Merlin take out his phone and actually make a note about it. “Fuck are those girls lucky.”

“Is it too cliched to say I am the lucky one?”

“Yeah, but also fits,” Eggsy said. “Clara?”

“She’d make me bald if the older hadn’t already done it,” Merlin said.

“Bloody spitfire,” Eggsy said. “Had me almost sure she could actually guide me out.”

“If any were to follow in my footsteps it would be her.” Merlin laughed. “She decked Harry first time she met him for talking baby to her. She’s only been with me two years.”

**********************************

“No! I’m not leaving,” Clara yelled and tried to hug her mother’s gravestone. Several people tried to pull her away but she snarled and snapped at them, was feral enough to bite a man and when he raised his hand to strike, Harry went forward and yanked him away. Clara looked at Harry for a moment intrigued.

“Hello, sweet one,” Harry crooned and she punched him in the crotch and he fell over.

“That was a mistake,” Audra said under the umbrella that Merlin was holding for them. “She’s interesting.”

“Okay Miss Almost Have My Degree in Child Psychology, lay it on me,” Merlin said.

“In pain,” Audra said. “Reacting on pure instinct.”

“How much have I spent on your schooling?”

“I’m on a million scholarship for being clever and very good at field hockey,” she replied. “She isn’t scared of whatever comes next. Because to her there isn’t a next, she will stay there forever.”

“How do we move her?”

“You either need to wait her out or provide her with a good enough reason to move,” Audra said.

Merlin nodded and gave her the umbrella and walked forward in the light drizzle. He didn’t care about his suit and sat on the wet and overturned earth. “Hello, Clara, you were told your mother died in a car accident,” Merlin said. The head of MI-5 glared at him. “That is bullshit of course, as well you know.”

“Mr. Young, I assure you Ms. Johns died in a car accident,” the man huffed. 

Merlin and Clara ignored him. “There was a threat on the Prime Minister’s life,” Merlin said. “Where I work and where your mother worked were all trying to stop it.”

“You do not share matters of national security with a child!” the man yelled.

“I do when they are well done with, and when it affected said child’s life,” Merlin snapped back. “We were all working hard, because even though the prime minister is a complete twat -” Clara snickered at the swear and Merlin grinned, “having them and others killed would have thrown the country into chaos.” The ground was uncomfortable and the child was shivering. “We discovered the plot and many people were deployed to stop it. You mother did die in a car accident, but it was because she got behind the wheel of a car that was filled with explosives. It was to be driven into a crowd, killing hundreds, injuring as many. The lives she saved, are many, the country owes her a debt it will never even realize.”

“You salute heroes, Mama said. We always salute those big statues in the parks.” Clara hugged the grave.

“You do at that,” Merlin agreed and stood and gave a perfect salute. Clara went and stood beside him and did the same.

She looked up at him and held her arms out. Merlin picked her up. “Come on, we need to get you inside, unless ye are part duck you have to be awfully cold at wet.”

“Quack,” she said and hid her face in Merlin’s neck. He knew the wet was from her tears and not the rain. Audra helped him buckle her in and they took her home.

*******************************

“What fucking asshole is cutting onions in here?” Eggsy asked and wiped his eyes. “Merlin are you like a goddamn saint or something because fuck man this is too much.”

Merlin shrugged. “I like children, I like having daughters. If I had my way a long time ago Susan and I would have lived happily ever after and been the scourge of the neighbourhood with too many children, but our lives went in different directions.”

“You still love her,” Eggsy wondered why saying that hurt.

“Of course,” Merlin said. “We were lovers, very much in love, and made two gorgeous daughters. Even after we split, we still had sex for a long time when she was in town. She is a dear friend almost as dear as Harry.”

“So you are het?”

“Bi,” Merlin replied. “I have had a few men in the last ten years.”

“And women?”

“She as of yet has ruined me for other women.”

Eggsy really wanted to stop talking about Merlin’s ex. “So what’s Lacey’s dramatic backstory then? How long she been with you?”

“Since she was two days old,” Merlin said. “And it is because of Susan.”

Perfect, Eggsy thought, fucking perfect.

**********************************

Merlin heard his bedroom door open and recognized the footsteps. He went to bed alone most nights, but regularly enough a child had nightmares and crawled in. Rarer were the footsteps coming toward the bed. He waited while she settled in, on her side as she had always slept and he wrapped himself around her and kissed her head.

“Ye weren’t getting in for two more days, the girls were looking forward to surprising you. And you need to meet Bethany.” He wrapped his arms around her and felt the swell of her stomach. “Well, we were busy in Costa Rica, weren’t we?”

Susan began to shake and he realized she was crying. He held her tight and let the tears fall, she had always been a quiet crier. He stroked the stomach and felt a kick and pressed back against it. She let out a small sound. “Barely kicks for me, one touch from you and whammo she goes nuts.”

“Talk to me, Susan,” he said.

“C.I.A. had a few boots on the ground, masquerading as lab rats,” she said. “He was nice and it was supposed to be what it was supposed to be. But the moisture in the air there turned out to be harmful to the structural integrity of older than realized condoms.”

“Ye would have ended it, I know you.” There was no judgement in Merlin’s voice just honesty. He didn’t give a fuck about the issue itself, just his ex.

“He was shot in a raid for any drugs we may have had. He died protecting me, protecting her. I couldn’t after that.” Susan rolled and looked at him. “Mid-forties is a not great age for a baby,” she said. “Doctors suggested I need to stop field work, bed rest, I have hypertension.”

“Ye will stay here,” he replied immediately. “The girls and I will take care of ye.”

Susan closed her eyes. “Thank you Hamish. You were always too good for me.”

“I am not a good man at all, Susan.”

“Work you and home you are different, they always were.” She touched his cheek. “I wish we could have been more.”

“We are more than enough,” he replied and kissed her lips, always loving the curve of them.

A month into her stay they were sitting together watching t.v. “When will ye ask me?” he asked.

“Soon,” she replied and ate her crackers. “Meant to right from the start.” She couldn’t look at him. “You must hate me.”

“Never.”

“I’ll be abandoning her.”

“To her sisters, to a man you know will raise her with love and care. And that you’ll be able to see her as often as you want.”

“I want the field more than I want my child. Again.” Susan looked at him. “I know some people I work with think I’m a monster, for abandoning my children, for having them in the first place. For choosing my career, for not choosing it enough. People fucking suck.”

“Aye, they do.” Merlin smiled. “At least this time, may I ask to actually name the child?”

“The second I decided not to abort, I knew she was yours,” Susan said. “So yes, you can name her. The father’s name was Cal.”

Merlin pressed his hand to her stomach. The baby kicked back. “Hello, Lacey Calpurnia.”

“You bastard.”

“Lacey Calisto. Lacey Calla lilly. Lacey Calvin degrees,” Merlin said and Susan punched him. “Lacey Calliope.”

“Oh, I actually like that one,” Susan said.

“Very well then, hello Lacey Calliope, your sisters and I look forward to meeting you,” Merlin said and kissed Susan’s belly.

“Dad stop being gross with Mum, you have a date with that dude tonight,” Audra said walking in with Susan’s vitamins.

“But I’m comfy, and he will just want to shag in an alley, it is getting hard on my back,” Merlin groaned.

“EWWWWWW,” Audra said. “He wants to go to the theatre with you. You love musicals. Go put on nice clothes and actually date someone for longer than a month.”

“Finnnne,” Merlin whined and went and got dressed. And it was perfectly enjoyable and he was home late and teased relentlessly by Susan for the hickey on his neck.

He cut the cord of Lacey and six weeks later, Susan was gone back in the field and Merlin had a bassinet next to his bed.

He heard footsteps. “Audra, I can look after her,” he said when she came in.

“She is just so tiny,” Audra said. She looked over the side of the bassinet and stroked the baby’s cheek. Merlin moved to the edge and Audra settled on the bed. Gretchen and Bethany were soon in as well and somehow everyone of the girls was comfortable and snoring and Merlin fell off the bed onto the ground.

He wouldn’t have it any other way.

*********************************************

“You just took your ex’s kid in, easy as that?”

“Sure.”

Eggsy stood up. “Fuck you,” he said and stormed out of the room.

Merlin wished he knew what that was about. He got up and followed Eggsy determined to find out.


	6. Chapter 6

Merlin followed in the direction he had thought Eggsy had run and was waylaid by Bors. “I have those mini bombs for Bethany. I’ll just drop them around the house then yeah?”

“Sure, sure,” Merlin agreed and kept moving. His brain then helpfully screamed the words Bors had said back to him and he paused and then turned around. “No. No, I am going to need a little more information than that.”

Bors looked at him. “Don’t worry she sent a very polite email asking for explosives. Really impressive vocabulary and all proper. You can tell Harry taught her how to write a letter.”

“I am glad of the manners, but again….mini bombs?” Merlin looked at him. “Why does my 11 year old want mini bombs?”

“She has geodes she wants open, she has decided to make them go boom,” Bors smiled happily. “Seems reasonable to me.”

“Isn’t hammer and chisel more common? Maybe a drill or saw?” Merlin pulled out his phone and typed in crack open a geode thoroughly distracted by this. “I am not seeing anyone recommend bombs.”

“These are super small charges and I even built a safety box,” Bors said earnestly. “And we are doing the other methods too. All scientific, recording our findings of what works best.”

Merlin glared at him, but Bors didn’t flinch. “Bomb safety gear will be worn and I want R&D to triple check the bomb box. And you two better make a very thorough report of what your discoveries are. I want photos, and charts.”

“Sure, we’re going to win the national science fair this year,” Bors said. “That menace George will not prevail.”

“That bastard,” Merlin agreed. That boy had won first place at the science fair the last two years. They maintained it was gender bias. Bethany was more sanguine about it. “Now, what was I doing?” Merlin asked. He looked around. “Crap, chasing Eggsy and now I’ll have lost him.”

“Activate his tracker,” Bors offered.

“That is an invasion of his privacy when not on a mission,” Merlin said.

“My wife activates mine all the time,” Bors said. “Huh is that wrong?”

“I don’t kinkshame,” Merlin said. “I’m going home. I’ll give Eggsy a night to calm down and then talk to him tomorrow.”

“Good luck,” Bors replied. “I’ll be by this weekend to blow shit up with your daughter.”

“Oh joy,” Merlin said. He checked a few rooms as he went but no sign of Eggsy and in the shop when asked Andrew said that Eggsy had run out pretty quickly. Merlin went home and Audra had some sort of stew kept warm in the slow cooker. He poked it and shuddered. There were lentils. He despised lentils. He went into the fridge and found a few random things. He put them in a saute pan and heated them up and wrapped them all together in a tortilla shell.

“Dad, what is that?” Audra asked coming into the kitchen.

“Burrito,” he said around a mouthfull.

“There was stew.”

“Lentils,” he complained.

“They are good for you,” she said. “What is even in that?” She looked at the fridge. “Is that curried chicken and Gretchen’s Korean stir fry?”

Merlin looked down at the wrap. “Maybe?” He shrugged and ate some more.

“Jesus,” she said. She turned the stew off. “Well the girls all ate the food.”

“Thanks love,” he said. “How’d your day go?”

“Fine. Research, marking 80 first year psych tests for Professor Morland, failed flirt with a girl,” Audra shrugged. “Usual. You?”

Merlin finished his food and tried to figure out the right words. “I told Eggsy about Code Ribbon and the younger girls. Harry had already filled him in on you and Gretchen. And then he told me to fuck off and ran. I tried to chase but Bors distracted me.”

“The geode bombs,” Audra agreed.

“Aye. Did I know about that and forget?” 

“No, they were trying last minute and hoping you would just okay it,” she said. “She has the cutest bomb gear ever, it has flowers on it.”

“I can hire a nanny again,” Merlin said. “You don’t have to keep doing all this.” He got himself a beer and then another when Audra took the one from his hand. “I know after V-day you needed the family and moved back in, but we can figure it out. Sharing with Gretchen can’t be the most fun ever.”

“She and I wanted to talk to you about that,” Audra replied. “But we need money and the help of R&D.”

“Because those aren’t terrifying words at all?”

“You never use the garage. There is the family car which always sits in the lane because you hate opening the garage door, and then rides from Kingsman. But it just is a black hole of storage because you never throw anything out. Let us convert it into a space for me and Gretchen.”

Merlin thought about it. “You want to turn the garage into a flat?”

“Why not?” she replied. She began to play with her hair, a nervous tell. “I talked to a couple people in fabrication, they said it would be work, but it could be done. We don’t need a full bathroom. Bog really,” she said. “It already has electricity.”

“Not a lot of floor space if you add in a shower, sink and loo,” he said. He gave her a keen glance. “But I also know you have an interior designer friend and I bet have some plans?”

“I’ll get them,” Audra said and ran up to her and Gretchen’s room.

Merlin began to crunch numbers in his head. It wasn’t a bad idea and he admitted having his daughters here for as long as he could have them made him happy. And it would give them a little more privacy. He was sitting on the counter when she came back in with a folder. “Here,” she said and handed it to him and hopped up on the counter as well. She sipped her beer while he looked them over.

“Not cheap,” he pointed out.

“Cheaper than if we couldn’t kidnap your staff and had to hire contractors.” Audra grinned. “Sicced Gretchen on people, half a dozen of your fabrication and R&D people are willing to lend some muscle on their days off.”

“I swear, if she wasn’t so determined to be an artist she could be running the Kingsman by forty.” Merlin read all the notes for a second time. “So cost is really materials?”

“I mean you’ll have to pay people a bit? Some were bribed with portraits and other stuff but some want cold hard cash,” Audra gave him her best puppy eyes.

“Those haven’t worked since ye were 8 and brought home that puppy,” Merlin said. “Report.”

Audra straightened. “Keeps us close but gives us some privacy. You don’t have to hire a nanny because we can all juggle together. It gives the girls a chance for their own rooms, or a guest room since Clara and Lacey would probably choose to keep sharing. The plans allow for it to be easily converted back to a garage eventually. And it could be our birthday gift?”

“No construction before 8am, ye know the neighbours find us a problem as it is. And you are in charge of the whole project.” Merlin looked at the numbers. “I will give ye 500 pounds over the proposed budget and ye have to make sure it sticks to it. And nae ask Uncle Harry if problems arise and ye need extra cash.”

Audra gave him a hug. “Thank you, Daddy.” They sat on the counter and drank in companionable silence. “So what’s with Eggsy?”

“I wish I knew,” Merlin said. “He is so freaked out by all of you. Which is weird, he has a little sister he adores. But something about the existence of the five of you pisses him off.”

“Pisses him off or makes him scared? Or sad? Anger often is a mask for something else,” she pointed out.

“Are ye sure you don’t want to go for a doctorate?” Merlin pressed. “I’d love to call ye Doctor Young.”

“I know Da,” she laughed at him a little. “But the masters is all I want.” She tore the paper off the bottle. “I applied for a couple jobs?”

“That’s excellent.”

“Way above my qualifications,” she said.

“So?” Merlin replied. “I wasn’t qualified when I started my job.”

“I don’t exactly have interview clothes,” she said. 

“Isn’t it lucky that ye know a tailor?” Merlin hugged her. “My gift to ye for completing your masters, a bespoke suit.”

“Thanks, Da,” she said. “Talk to him.”

“He ran. I should give him space.”

She shook her head. “Talk to him. Find out, because I promise you it isn’t about you having 5 daughters.”

“Ye are never wrong,” he said. “Another beer and some telly after I check on the girls?”

“Sure,” she agreed. “I’ll see if Gretchen wants, but she was doing that I will stab you will my copic markers if you disturb me face.”

Merlin hopped off the counter and went upstairs. Lacey and Clara were passed out and he adjusted their blankets and kissed their heads. He checked on Bethany who was reading. “Bombs?”

“Little ones,” she said not looking up from her book. “Itty bitty ones.”

He went over and kissed her head. “One more chapter of... _ A Brief History of Time? _ ” He shook his head. “Very well then, one more chapter, okay?” He was going to have to read that now. He had avoided it for years, but wanted to be able to talk to her about it.

“One more, Daddy,” she agreed. She smiled at him. He plucked the book out of her hands at that smile and saw that the next chapter was 40 pages. 

“Correction. Lights out in twenty,” he said firmly.

She pouted but nodded.

“I got some tips for doing your hair, we’ll muck about on the weekend okay before ye blow shi- stuff up?” he offered.

She gave him a hug. “Thanks.”

“Goodnight, my beautiful, isn’t it lovely that in the dark there is infinite possibility?” he said and gave her a kiss.

He went up to the family room and saw that Audra was putting on something creepy. “No.”

“Fraidy cat,” she said.

“Yes!” Merlin replied. 

“You owe me.”

“Fine,” Merlin said and clutched his beer and a throw pillow as they watched The Walking Dead.

***************************************************

Eggsy was sitting in a bar and drinking a pint and looked when someone sat next to him. “You follow me?”

Audra shook her head. “Pure chance,” she replied. “Other TAs in my program,” she pointed at a table. “We go out for a pint and to slag the professors every Tuesday. He picked the bar.” She waved at a guy with a nose ring. “I can leave you be.”

“Good call,” he agreed.

“Da is worried that you don’t like him anymore,” she said. “He thinks he somehow broke your friendship by having children, but that would be insane and pathetic of a person wouldn’t it?” She smiled at the bartender and gave her table’s order. “He’s been trying to talk to you and you’ve been avoiding him. He is bummed out.”

Eggsy snorted a little at that. “Merlin bummed out is a funny thought.”

“He’s only singing the sad Disney songs while he cooks.”

Eggsy looked at her. “See right there. Cooking for the family? Singing Disney? Domestic Merlin is fucking weird.”

“Only to you. I’ve never known different,” she pointed out. “And come on that’s only a little bit of the problem isn’t it?”

“Shove off, miss had a perfect life,” Eggsy said.

Audra blinked at him and tilted her head.

“Oh shit, you do the blink and tilt,” Eggsy said and froze like a deer in headlights.

“Perfect? No,” she said. “That sentence tells me a lot though, so does the dialect you slip in and out of. Council boy? Trained up by Da’s work, but the posh doesn’t sit well on you at times, you struggle with self-identity and that is some of your frustration with Da, because he knows exactly who he is, always has and you don’t, not fully.” The drinks were ready and she handed the bartender a wad of cash. “Been abused yeah? Verbal, maybe a bit of physical.”

“Fuck you,” Eggsy snarled at her. “You don’t get to read me like that.”

“Then don’t be an open book,” she snapped back. “And don’t be mad at people for just happening to be a bit luckier than you. Bloody chip on your shoulder yeah?”

Eggsy stared at her. “Your da said that to me once.”

“Well he was right,” she snapped. 

“Of course he was, he’s perfect innit he?”

Audra looked at him with exasperation. “Da is not perfect. He has an endless well of strength and capacity for love, but that guy isn’t perfect. No one is. He never changes a toilet paper roll. He’d be a hoarder if we didn’t remind him he doesn’t need to keep everything we grow out of. He’ll focus too much on a little detail and forget the big picture. He has appalling eating habits. His relationship with Mummy is fucked up. He is too loyal. He hates any branch of science that isn’t computer science. He -”

“Oh yeah, those are big problems,” Eggsy rolled his eyes. “You’ve suffered mightily.”

“I never said I suffered mightily, I said it wasn’t perfect.” Audra glared at him. “And stop displacing your personal reason you are upset onto all of us. Grow the fuck up agent.” Audra grabbed her tray of drinks and went back to her table and ignored Eggsy.

Eggsy paid for his drink and walked out.

************************************************************

Merlin was sitting in his office doing some coding and humming a little to himself. It was boring but soothing.  There was a knock and Eggsy poked his head in. “Hey?”

“Galahad,” Merlin said formally. “Did we have a meeting?”

“No,” Eggsy replied. “I just need to talk to you?”

“Come on in,” Merlin said.

Eggsy came in and sat and looked at the picture frame. It was indeed on a different picture. And Harry had been right. Merlin wore Mickey ears. He was grinning widely and wearing a baby, Lacey, in a backpack, Audra and Gretchen beside him, Bethany in front. “You look happy.”

“It was a good trip,” Merlin leaned back in his chair. “I think I figured it out. Ye are upset because there was no Code Ribbon for you.”

“Wot?” Eggsy looked at him. “No,” he said.

“Huh,” Merlin frowned. “Harry and I were sure that was the problem.”

“You told me about the first girl yeah? I was a teen when that happened. Harry could have never thought of that with me.” Eggsy touched the Kingsman fob he still always kept in a pocket. “I coulda called the number a million times, and didn’t. My choice. Happy you helped kids.”

“Then I am at a loss,” Merlin admitted.

“You took them all in. Some stay, some don’t, but you kept your bloody ex’s kid.” Eggsy looked at the wall. “And I shipped Mum and Daisy off to Wales. They stayed with me a month and I hated it and set them up on their own far away.” His gaze turned back to Merlin. “What does it say about me that I couldn’t keep people I love with me, and you take in strangers like it is nothing?”

“It means we are different people,” Merlin said softly.

Eggsy felt helpless. “You managed, I could have to? I didn’t even really try. Not really. Said they would be safer away and packed them off.”

“Eggsy, I managed, because Susan was around for the first few years. I was, what, a decade older than you when I had to manage? I had help, and resources. I wasn’t a field agent. I’ve been out in the field maybe a dozen times in my tenure as Merlin.”

“You can shoot and fly and do a million things,” Eggsy said.

“Because I do training, doesn’t mean I apply it a whole bunch,” Merlin countered. “And Eggsy, Daisy had your mum. If it had been different, you would have taken Daisy in.”

“You so sure about that?” Eggsy asked.

“If you couldn’t have, for whatever reasons, I wouldn’t have judged you.”

“How could you not, with everything you do?” Eggsy protested.

“Because my journey is mine, just as yours is yours,” Merlin replied. “Harry could never take children in. Do you think less of him for that?”

“It’s different,” Eggsy insisted.

“Eggsy,” Merlin began and stopped.

Eggsy was sure he knew what was coming, “say it.”

“Ye had already been taking care of them, when ye had little to give. Ye needed a fucking break. Doesn’t mean you don’t love them. But you needed alone. That isn’t a fault, it is honest.” Merlin smiled at him. “I don’t resent Susan for walking away from her children for her career. I don’t think less of you for choosing yourself for the first time in your whole life.”

“I miss Daisy,” Eggsy whispered. 

“Of course you do,” Merlin agreed.

“I am so glad she and Mum don’t live with me, and then I feel like shit at how happy that makes me.” Eggsy ran a hand over his face and crossed his arms. “And you just open yourself up to all these girls. Figured easier to be mad at you, then think about how pathetic I must seem to you.”

Merlin rolled his chair over to Eggsy and put his hands on Eggsy’s shoulders. “Agent the only thing I find pathetic about you is your appalling taste in shoes and footie teams.”

Eggsy laughed at that. “It was also just weird to have you all family man and shit, that was in the mix too. You are too good to be true.”

“I’m really not,” Merlin said.

“Audra said that too, but you seem like a good bloke to me.”

“Good and perfect are very different things.” Merlin rolled his chair back closer to his desk. Eggsy watched the photo switch to one of Merlin and Gretchen in berets and holding paint brushes. “Now, Galahad, do ye know how to use a hammer?”

“Not particularly,” Eggsy said. “Why?”

“Hmmm,” Merlin looked at his notes. “Ye are strong though. How do ye feel about carrying lumber?”

“What undercover mission is this?” Eggsy asked. 

“Audra and Gretchen are converting the garage into a tiny flat for themselves. Everyone is helping.”

“Not Harry,” Eggsy said. “Surely, not Harry.”

“Uncle Harry will be helping Bethany, Clara, and Lacey make decorations for the new room.” Merlin looked at his lists again. “We got lucky the people who had the house before us actually had plumbling lines put in, I just had never bothered checking under the odd enclosure at the back of the garage. Glad we didn't have to tear up the whole gardens to make that happen. Concrete is being leveled and then there is framing. Wood for framing needs to be carried.” Merlin gave him a hopeful smile. “I will provide fizzy drink, food, and one beer at the end of the day’s work. And 25 pounds.”

“Oh well, 25 pounds, how can I refuse?” Eggsy said.

“Excellent, ye will be required on...Sunday then. 9am sharp.” Merlin made a note on his lists. “Audra is in charge, report to her.”

“What job do you have?”

“Hide and cut the cheques,” Merlin replied.

“You aren’t helping at all?”

“Money is help. Home reno is icky. Hate every project ever done on the house,” Merlin muttered. “No matter how it always better after.”

Eggsy smiled, maybe Merlin wasn’t perfect at that. “Glad to help, Merlin.”

“Glad to have your help, Eggsy,” Merlin replied sincerely. “I will also provide a hard hat. The girls have all been gussying them up. Your name will be on one. It may also have googly eyes. Clara is very big into googly eyes right now.” Merlin lifted his clipboard and there were googly eyes on the back. And he seemed happy to leave them.

And maybe the guy was just a little perfect after all, Eggsy thought. “See you Sunday then,” he said. “If you don’t send me out first.”

“Sunday then,” Merlin agreed, relieved that he and Eggsy seemed to be headed back to normal again.


	7. Chapter 7

“It really does have googly eyes,” Eggsy stared at the hat.

“And red feathers,” Clara said helpfully from behind the small table with the hard hats that she was manning at the front of the house. “That’s so you know it is yours. Red feathers for Eggsy.”

“Why red? And why not just put a piece of tape on it with my name?” Eggsy asked.

“Oh, you’re the boring sort,” Clara said.

Eggsy frowned. “Wow that sounded judgey. Like 40 year old white feminist soccer mum judgey tone of voice that.”

“I copied Jake’s mum, she always sounds like that when talking to Daddy.” Clara leaned forward, “We’re not being raised right. We might end up hooligans.”

“Sounds like you look forward to it,” Eggsy said. 

Clara grinned. “I’m going to be a Kingsman, you are all just gussied up hooligans.” She reached under the table and pulled out an undecorated hard hat. “Boring.”

Eggsy looked at her. “Yeah, going to be a tailor are you?”

Clara gave him a wink. “Yup a tailor.” She held up the two hard hats and waited.

Eggsy took the red feathers. “Where’s your hard hat then?” 

Clara reached behind her chair and put on a hat without a single embellishment. “You look like a muppet," she told him and giggled.

Eggsy burst into laughter and went around to the back where there seemed to be a fair bit of chaos. He was a little relieved to see other people also in crazy hard hats. One was very thoroughly covered in googly eyes and Audra was standing there directing people in one with a mohawk. “Did your Da warn you that I know fuck all about construction?”

“Yup,” Audra said. “You report to Sanjay from fabrication okay? Basically you are spending the next several hours as his fetching bitch.” 

Eggsy snorted at that. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“There is a huge thing of water over there, keep hydrated. Pizza will arrive at noon for a one hour break. Bog on the ground level bathrooms on both the others. Da is up in his office on the second. Harry is up there in the family room with Lacey and Bethany and Clara will join them after hard hat distribution.”

“Where is Gretchen?” Eggsy looked around and couldn’t see her.

“Hmmm, see a beanpole of a dude who looks like a strong wind will knock him over?” 

Eggsy scanned the crowd. “Yeah, over there mucking with some of the flower pots.”

“3, 2, 1,” Audra said and Eggsy reached for a weapon as a shrill scream occurred. Gretchen jumped out of some of the trees and the guy didn’t even flinch. “They’ve been dating 2 years and she hasn’t successfully scared him yet.”

“Think maybe because her shirt is super neon pink and he could probably see it?”

“Oh, no no,” Audra said and holy shit did she sound like Merlin. “We don’t use logic for their relationship.” She smiled at him. “Go lift things.”

Eggsy gave a tilt of his hard hat and went to Sanjay. “Hey, Sanj, here you get to order me about.”

“I will be kind to you,” Sanjay promised. “As kind as you were to that last prototype I designed for you.”

”Awww fuck,” Eggsy groaned. One thing you had to give all the people who worked support staff. Each and every one had a really killer maniacal laugh.

Eggsy was so grateful when the lunch break came. The morning had been a mix of heavy lifting and carrying and the tedium about learning of all the different types of screwdrivers there were. But he could see how the garage was actually transforming and it was pretty cool. 

Merlin, Harry and the younger girls all emerged from the house with pizza, crisps, and fizzy drinks. There were paper plates and napkins and Eggsy was delighted to see Harry sit on the filthy ground a slice of greasy pizza on a cheap plate. He took five photos and did not give a fuck.  He watched Merlin set up the girls at a table and give them all a quick kiss and they were joined by Gretchen and the bean pole. Merlin was poking his head into the garage and grumbling a bunch and Eggsy was thinking of going to chat with either Harry or Merlin when Audra sat beside him and shoved food into his hands. 

“Eat, frames have to go up this afternoon, going to be hard work. You need calories.” Eggsy ate the slice of pepperoni pizza. 

“Pineapple?” Eggsy pointed to hers.

“Yup, Da and I love it.”

“Well, you were right about him not being perfect.”

“Harhar,” Audra ate a bit more. “So I know he railroaded you into doing this, and thanks yeah? I know you don’t really like us but -”

“Wow, what?” Eggsy was flummoxed. “Where’d you get that from?” He heard Clara’s giggle from the table and saw that Ben and Gretchen were making animals out of plates and napkins. He smiled a little. “Seriously, where is that from?”

“Well how you reacted to us?” Audra said. “And just I dunno.” She shrugged and picked at pineapple and Eggsy remembered that she was a few years younger than him. “Why I went off on you. I was mad on behalf of dad, but also the girls. Can’t imagine people disliking them so it just made me blargh at you.”

“It was a pretty good blargh,” Eggsy said. “Your degrees get you cold reading people like that?”

“No, that’s all Mum and Da. Between them they can tell everyone’s secrets. Terrifying when they gang up on you.” She ate some pizza. “But sorry for that expose all your deepest secrets crap. Why I’m not going into counseling, counseling. I go off too easily.”

“Yeah, what you doing then?”

“Assessment,” she said. “Or hopefully anyways. Lots of work still to go, but like the ADHD and whatnot testing.”

“Cool,” Eggsy said.

“Have an interview with the best team in London in a few weeks, bloody terrified.” She gave him a blinding grin. “But Da is getting me a Kingsman suit, so that will help the confidence.”

“You’ll look good in it,” he replied.

“So are we good?” Audra asked.

“Shit, bruv, you gotta say much worse than that to me to fuck me up,” Eggsy bumped his shoulder against hers. “Was never about disliking any of you. I don’t know you lot. Lot of it was my own shit.” He turned his head and saw the scar on her cheek. “And sorry too.”

“For what?”

“That sort of indicates that yeah maybe not perfect?”

Audra made sure her dad wasn’t around. “He threw up. When he got home...he saw my cheek and Gretchen trying to fix it with butterfly bandages and he just threw up and hospitals were so busy he triaged me and Gretchen and cried that he couldn’t have stopped it from happening.”

“Randos on the street huh?”

Audra looked at him. “Eggsy, Gretchen did this to me.”

Eggsy dropped his plate. He didn’t know where to look. Not at Audra’s scar, fuck. And Gretchen had kitten ears on her hard hat. He looked over at Merlin who felt the gaze and turned. Eggsy felt relieved when the man came over.

“Problem?” Merlin asked and crouched between them.

“My scar,” Audra replied.

Merlin closed his eyes and tipped his forehead against Audra’s. “Naught but a badge of warrior honour. Chicks dig scars.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze and stood to go over to Harry.

“You told, the girl… Roxy?” Eggsy gave a small nod. “You told her to call home, to get your mum to keep your little sister safe. Before he had left, Da had made sure we were all at home, and we were all together. He called, calm but terrified. We had the little ones each locked in separate rooms, and threw our phones out the window.” Audra stared up at the second floor windows. “Ben had lost his phone in the couch cushions. Dad trained us well. She gave me this and I cracked ribs and bruised her kidneys.”

“Jesus.”

“The signal stopped and we looked at each other, and it hurt more than the injuries, and we could feel it coming on again. I locked Gretchen in the eaves storage and threw myself down the stairs hoping to knock myself out. Didn’t work but sprained my ankle enough I couldn’t make it to anyone before you finished saving the world.” Audra touched the scar. “When Da got home, he sewed me up and taped Gretchen’s ribs and wouldn’t let go of us. The whole night kept praising us for being brave, never ever blamed us. He blamed himself plenty though.”

“He was bloody brilliant,” Eggsy said softly. “It was my fault.”

“Tell you what he told us. None of us are to blame, only one who is is that lobotomized cuntpuddle who decided to kill people.”

“Lobotomized cuntpuddle?” Eggsy had no response for that.

“Grandma’s favourite cuss. Scots are the best at swearing.” She smiled. “Don’t tell Da, don’t have spare cash for the swear jar.” It seemed everyone was wrapping up. “Well, go take a wee and get back to work.”

“Ma’am, yes ma’am,” Eggsy agreed.

“And hey can you do me a favour?” Audra asked sweetly. It was a tone that she had picked up from Uncle Harry and meant danger. But it sounded just different enough that Eggsy didn’t really notice.

“Sure,” Eggsy said. After hearing that story he was ready to give her anything.

“Ditch the shirt? Neighbours are spying and might as well give them a decent show.”

Eggsy laughed and pulled off his t-shirt. It was sunny and reasonably warm for April so it felt good. “There we go.”

“Thanks, luv,” she said and plonked his hard hat back on his head. Harry took the younger girls back inside and Merlin followed. 

Audra noticed though her dad didn’t go back up to his office, but brought a laptop down to the dining room, to the doors that had a perfect view of all the work. That he usually hated.

She wondered if her Da even knew how he looked at Eggsy.

One of their workers came up with a question and she went back to work.

Merlin got very little work done, distracted by the work outside. Eggsy really should have a shirt on. What about splinters in the rippling muscles. He saw Audra staring at him and made a face at her and tried to focus, but his eye kept drifting to the back yard.

By the end of the day, everything was framed and mostly drywalled. Everyone got a thank you card handmade by the younger girls as they left.

Eggsy waited for his curious.

Lacey was one the one to give it to him. Everyone else’s had had a very elaborate drawing on the front. His was plain with just his name in beautiful cursive. “Bethany’s learning fancy writing,” Lacey said. She was missing another tooth from when Eggsy had dropped in on them. “Go on, open it.”

Clara was making sure not to look at Eggsy.

He’d bite.

He opened it and red feathers sprung out of it and Clara and Lacey both fell to the ground giggling. Bethany was smiling and Merlin and Harry were behind them trying not to laugh. When he batted them all away he looked down at the card

It had two googly eyes and said  _ Made you look. Thank you for your help. The Young Family _ .

“Brilliant,” Eggsy had to admit. “Listen...never painted either but if you need help next weekend and I’m not working suppose I could help.”

“Thank ye, Eggsy,” Merlin said. “We appreciate the offer.”

“See you,” Eggsy gave a half wave and started walking towards the underground stop. Harry caught up with him. “Hey,” Eggsy said.

“Hello,” Harry replied.

They walked a little more and Eggsy wondered why he was being stared at and Harry was laughing. When the subway stopped his saw his reflection in the glass and realized there were still feathers in his hair.

“Wanker, helping them with that,” Eggsy said brushing them all away.

Harry gave a faint smile. “One does not like to stifle creativity and artistic endeavors.”

“Yeah, and Uncle Harry is a menace,” Eggsy joked and Harry didn’t deny it. “Hey Harry?”

“Yes?” 

“It’s really never affected the job for Merlin? Like he’s always just been super human and managed?” Eggsy was dead curious about this.

“Now, did he say that?”

“Well, no, but -”

Harry shook his head. “It has affected the job a great deal, more than is my place to share. You paint him in too broad strokes, Eggsy. Nerd workaholic, saviour, hero. He is just Hamish.”

“Harry, no Kingsman is ever a just.”

Harry gave him Harry’s you’ve made my point for me stare. “You are very correct, no Kingsman is ever a just.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Eggsy said. They parted ways one stop apart and Eggsy went up to his flat and put the card on his mantle next to a picture of Daisy.

**************************

Gretchen and Audra had cots and blankets and a camping lantern in the garage. Their space. It was going to be great.

“You were right,” Audra said. “Da was definitely looking.”

“Hell, I was looking. Hell you looked and you are like super lesbian.”

“He is well fit,” Audra agreed. “Da will never admit he’s looking.”

“Da never admits anything unless we or Uncle Harry hit him over the head with a hammer,” Gretchen said. “Densest genius ever.” Gretchen paused, "I mean next to Mum."

“What are we going to do?” 

“Something,” Gretchen said. “Definitely something.”

“I have to defend a thesis and you have that installation final project.”

“We can totally multi-task,” Gretchen replied.

“In a month, after we are done construction, and school.”

“Ugh, too responsible.”

“Gives time to plan.”

“Fine.” Gretchen pulled out her phone and texted Ben. “Audy?”

“Yeah?”

“What if he hurts Da like Mum hurts him?” Gretchen rolled on the cot. “He leaves a lot too. Like Uncle Harry.”

“He might the sort who always wants to come home though.” Audra slid under her blankets needing more sleep than Gretchen. “Mum always wanted to go. Some people always want to come.” Audra opened her eyes. “Do not.”

Gretchen snickered and turned out the lantern.

Merlin checked on the younger girls and then looked out his window towards the garage. They couldn’t hear him but he wished his oldest two their good nights.


	8. Chapter 8

Roxy had finished a meeting with Harry about an upcoming mission and decided she needed a coffee from the shop a block down. A big one. Harry meetings were always...interesting. She walked down the steps and saw a woman looking at pocket squares, no Andrew in sight.

All the agents were trained in basic customer service just in case. “Good morning,” Roxy said smoothly as she finished coming down the steps. “Looking for a gift?” Oh the girl was pretty, Roxy realized. “Boyfriend, brother? Father?” And her smile is even prettier, Roxy thought.

“No, for myself,” the girl said. “Here for my final fitting for a suit.”

That was surprising they didn’t do suits for women very often. “What colour suit?”

“Kingsman blue, pinstripe,” she said. “My sister would go for something very dramatic, and my uncle would insist that would be overkill.”

“Did you go for a menswear cut, or something more feminine?” Roxy asked and moved closer and opened a drawer full of squares.

“Somewhere in the middle. I love cigarette trousers but I need to be able to move a lot in the suit, but still shaped a bit.” The girl looked. “Oh, would that pearl grey be wrong?”

“No I think it could look lovely,” Roxy said. “Bring out that shine in your eyes.” 

“Think that is mostly the reflection off the glasses,” she joked. 

Roxy noticed though that the girl was trying to check her out. “I’m Roxy,” she said and held out a hand. “I can help you with accessories while you wait for Andrew.”

“Audy,” she replied and shook her hand. “I figure, I can go bold on socks right? I’m not wearing heels I have a killer pair of brogues I want to wear with the suit.”

“Not oxfords?”

Audy smiled and for a moment she looked really familiar to Roxy, but then it was gone. “No, oxfords aren’t for me, I like a little flash.”

“Is the suit for a special occasion?” Roxy inquired. “An anniversary?”

“Thesis defense and job interviews,” Audra explained. “No anniversaries. I’m currently single.”

“Well I’m sure the right man is around somewhere,” Roxy offered.

Audra gave her a flirty look. “I’m sure there is - for someone else.” She moved over to another display and Roxy followed, forgetting that she wanted a coffee.

“Single is good,” Roxy said. “Let’s you meet people. In all sorts of locations. Galleries, coffee shops, bookstores.” She picked up a pair of cuff links and handed them to Audy.

“Even tailor shops?” Audy replied. She was a little miffed at her father right now. He talked about Roxy’s competence and true Kingsman qualities and never once mentioned that she was at least bi with the way she was smiling at Audy, and that she was so pretty. Really pretty. And looking very fit in her suit. The Kingsman glasses weren’t the best on her, but she supposed hard to slim down for all the tech. 

“Even tailor shops,” Roxy agreed. “You know, maybe I should give you my number, just in case you end up having any questions about taking care of your suit, or what you might want to wear with it on the big day.”

“I think that is an excellent idea,” Audy agreed. She pulled out her phone. “I should give you mine too. Just in case you ever have any questions about child psychology?”

“Is that what you do?”

“Hopefully, if my one committee member stops being a complete arse,” Audy said. “Defense is next week. And if he suggests anymore changes I will stab him.”

“I am sure you’ll do fantastic, Kingsman suits breed confidence,” Roxy promised.

“Oh, I know that very well,” Audy replied. Andrew stepped out of fitting room one.

“I am ready for you Ms. Young,” he said fondly.

“Thanks,” she said and moved forward. She looked over her shoulder at Roxy and smiled and Roxy felt her heart go swoop. “This will take a few minutes. But will you want to see the suit, maybe finish helping me pick out stuff. If you weren’t heading out on something important.”

“No, no, I...need to work on the window display. I look forward to seeing you in the suit.”

“Spectacular,” Audy said and Roxy blinked. For a moment the girl had sounded rather...Scottish. She went into the room. 

Andrew gave Roxy a dead eye stare. 

“What?” Roxy whispered. “Did you see her, she is gorgeous.”

Andrew thought he was going to die. Roxy hadn’t put it together and he wasn’t going to say anything. “Be careful, my dear,” was all he said and closed the door.

And crap, now Roxy had to pretend she was working on the window display. Well she could change the ties and move some stuff. She went to the window and sort of poked at stuff and thought about how soon she would be able to call Audy and what they should do for a first date. If she could afford the suit, and was getting a masters, that meant decently well off. It was bothering her that Audy looked so vaguely familiar. Must have seen her in the neighbourhood.

Roxy had made a mess of the window when she heard the dressing room open and Audy came out and Roxy realized she was completely fucked. She had taken her hair down and had it drawn over one shoulder almost breast length. Which is where the buttons of the shirt were open to. The suit nipped in at the waist a good bit and the pants did have more a menswear cut which contrasted the more feminine jacket. “Pretty,” Roxy choked out. That was not enough. “You look very well indeed.” She heard Andrew snort and ignored it. “Skin is good.” Well great, now she sounded as idiotic as Eggsy on a honeypot. “I mean I think skipping a tie is the right way to go.” She moved forward. “And you were right about the grey pocket square.” Roxy brought it over and put it in the pocket, standing perhaps a little too close. She could smell Audy’s shampoo. Surprisingly woodsy, she had expected sweet.

They all turned when they heard feet run down the steps. Merlin was hurrying towards them. “Got busy, did I miss the reveal?”

“Oh this will be excellent,” Andrew said to himself and Roxy gave him a look.

Audy turned and gave a blinding smile to Merlin and moved away from Roxy, holding out her arms. “Well, here I am.”

Roxy wanted that smile directed at her.

Merlin stumbled back against the wall. “Beautiful. Oh my darling, look at you,” he said, holding a hand over his heart. Rather dramatic for Merlin, Roxy thought.

“It came out perfect,” Andrew replied.

“Of course it did, you would never give her less than perfection,” Merlin replied. 

Roxy watched as Merlin seemed to wipe a tear away. Merlin was crying over how pretty Audy looked in her suit? Roxy stepped back. Single my ass. She watched as Audy spun and did a bit of a runway walk and then Merlin came over and cupped her cheeks and gave this soft smile that Roxy didn’t know how to process. He kissed Audy’s forehead. “I have to hurry back to work. But my darling, you slay.” He paused. “That is correct, aye?”

“Aye,” she agreed.

“Andrew charge my account for whatever else she needs,” Merlin said.

“Of course sir, but a few touches will be a gift from myself for the auspicious occasion of finishing a graduate degree,” Andrew replied.

Merlin gave Audy another kiss and then was running back up.

Andrew looked at Roxy and then Audy. “I trust you want to wear the suit out a little?”

“Yeah, want to get a feel for it,” Audy agreed. She gave Roxy a look. “Maybe get a coffee with someone and then come back and switch into my other clothes? You’ll store for me right Andrew?”

“Of course my dear,” he agreed. He gave Roxy a smirk and then disappeared back into the change room.

Audy turned fully to Roxy. “So? If you aren’t too busy with the window display, would you want to go get a coffee now?”

Roxy felt her jaw tighten. “I’m sure you’d rather get it with Merlin.”

Audy laughed. “Much prefer you, he despises coffee shops, it’s a thing. Besides I’ll be having dinner with him, if he doesn’t get delayed.”

“I am confused,” Roxy said. “I thought you said -” the door rings and Eggsy walks in. 

“Hey Rox,” he said and then looked over. “Audy, looking killer!”

“I know right?” Audy gave a spin. “Going to crush that interview. And the defense.”

“Damn straight you are, last I checked no one was a match for a Young, am I right?”

“You are,” Audy agreed. “Well, Roxy, guess you are too busy for coffee right now? But maybe dinner soon?” Roxy gave a sort of half nod, thoroughly lost. “I’m going to go do a little shopping then, break the suit in. Eggsy the garage is almost done, Gretchen is still fussing about decoration, but garden party to celebrate the completion next Thursday night. You’ll come yeah?”

“Course I will. That wall I put in doing well?”

“Hasn’t fallen on us anyways.” Audy kissed his cheek, leaving a little red lipstick behind. “See you.” She gave Roxy a last flirty look and sauntered out of the shop.

“Merlin’s girlfriend kissed you,” Roxy said dumbfounded. 

Eggsy wiped at the lipstick. “Girlfriend?”

“He bought her the suit and was all touchy feely with her,” Roxy pouted. “She told me she was single. I can’t shag Merlin’s girl.”

Eggsy began to laugh so hard, he had to brace himself on Andrew’s counter. He was wheezing and it wasn’t helped when Roxy hit him. “His girl. Oh god, you said his girl.” He couldn’t breathe, all the oxygen had been sucked from the room. “You hit on her?”

“Of course I did, she is gorgeous!” Roxy protested. “And she flirted back and said she was single and then he was all you are so beautiful when he saw her in his suit and oh god her half smile was his smile and she said spectacular the exact way Merlin does.” Roxy had to sit, she had lost feeling in her legs. “I hit on Merlin’s daughter.”

Eggsy fell to the ground and Roxy sort of collapsed to the floor as well. “Yup, you did. Have vague plans for a date too.”

“I want to shag Merlin’s daughter,” Roxy whispered in horror.

Eggsy had almost stopped laughing and fell into fits again. He was going to bloody wee if he didn’t stop soon. “This is the best thing that has ever happened in the history of mankind,” he gasped out. “Roxy and Audy sitting in a tree…”

“Fuck off, he’s going to kill me.” Roxy’s eyes widened. “Oh my god. He. Is. Going. To. Kill. Me. I’m dead. No one could live through dating a Merlin daughter.”

“Bean Boy Ben has,” Eggsy offered.

“I have no idea what that means.” Roxy looked at him. “She is so pretty.”

“Yeah, she is,” Eggsy agreed.

Roxy glared at him. “Why are you looking?”

“Jesus,” Eggsy said. “I can recognize pretty. Audy isn’t my type, Rox, but it seems she is yours.”

“I can’t call her,” Roxy said.

“Why not?”

“BECAUSE SHE’S MERLIN’S DAUGHTER YOU FUCKING PILLOCK!” Roxy shouted.

“Everyone is someone’s kid,” Eggsy pointed out. “She liked you. You liked her. Kingsman up and take her out for drinks.”

“I’ve saved the world,” Roxy said. “I can date Merlin’s daughter.”

“I don’t think those are equally scary things?” Eggsy said.

“I know, Merlin is much more terrifying.” Roxy whimpered a little.

“Come on, I’ll buy you a biscuit and a coffee,” Eggsy hauled her up. He couldn’t resist because he was a friend, but also just a little bit of an asshole. “Merlin would be so good at hiding your body.”

“I hate you.”

Eggsy grinned as she punched him. This was going to be the most fun ever to watch.


	9. Chapter 9

“Now then, coolers with fizzy drink, and juice,” Merlin said. “Tons of food, rented some tables, and chairs, the girls are going to string fairy lights. What else does your party need?”

“Beer,” Audra and Gretchen both said. 

“I’ll nae contribute to underage drinking.”

“Da, we aren’t underage,” Gretchen pointed out.

“Shut up I planned your 12th birthday, I can plan your we live in a garage party,” Merlin replied.

“Didn’t I end up in the hospital after that party?” Gretchen asked.

“No that was your 14th,” Audra said.

“Oh yeah,” Gretchen smiled, remembering.

“What happened?” Lacey asked. “Did a dinosaur try to eat you?” She really wanted dinosaur themed for her next party. She was sure her daddy could somehow get her a real dinosaur. Extinction was no match for Daddy.

“No, Da took me to get my ears pierced. He warned me I would hate it, didn’t listen and passed out, bonked my head but good on the way down.” Gretchen laughed. “Why I only have one ear pierced, decided to let it ride as a fashion choice.” 

“Dinosaur would be better,” Lacey muttered and reached to get more taco fixings. Bean Boy Ben helped her put it together and then ate his fifth taco. He loved getting invited to dinner, it soooo beat what was at the cafeteria at uni.

“Fine, how many people are coming?” Merlin asked. He pulled out his phone and checked the guest list Audra had sent him. “Uncle Harry has sent his regrets. He has...meetings,” Merlin said. Bean Boy Ben wasn’t allowed in on the secret yet, another year or two maybe. “He said he ordered a gift and it should be here in the next few days.”

“Is Audy going to invite the girl she’s been texting furiously with the last few days?” Gretchen asked.

Audra blinked as everyone except Ben focused on her. That boy couldn’t focus on anything except food, maths, and Gretchen. “I haven’t been texting that much,” Audra replied.

Bethany looked at Gretchen. “You have receipts, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. Always be able to prove your data,” Gretchen sounded exactly like Merlin when she said that. She pulled out her phone and started listing dates and times in relation to a very happy smile that was not a friend smile.

“We haven’t actually gone out yet,” Audra interrupted and now even Ben was paying attention. Great. “We just are...talking.”

“Can we know the lass’s name?” Merlin asked. He went to the stove and refilled the veggie bowl and chicken one. He sat back down and smiled. “Your party could be a good first date, unless ye are worried about her not knowing people at it.”

“She knows you and Eggsy,” Audra muttered. “I don’t know if she actually likes me.”

Clara looked up from her rice, and quesadilla since she was currently anti taco. “Wait, you’ve been singing Rock Me Like a Hurricane but saying Rock funny.”

Merlin went very still which made everyone at the table, especially Audra freeze. “Audy, are ye texting and flirting with Roxy?”

Audra thought about running and then squared her jaw. “Yes.”

“You know her Daddy?” Clara asked. “Is she pretty? Is she nice?”

“She is very skilled,” Merlin replied.

“And gorgeous,” Audra said and then turned red when all her sisters said ooooooohhhhhh.

“By all means, invite her to the party,” Merlin said and decided screw it one more taco wouldn’t kill him.

“That’s it?” Audra asked surprised.

“Last I checked I don’t interfere in your dating lives,” Merlin said. Bean Boy Ben gave him an arch look and Merlin smiled. “Oh you barely needed three stitches. You bleed if someone blinks at you.” Ben nodded in agreement and went back for another taco. “Jesus don’t they feed you at Uni?”

“He likes our food better,” Gretchen said and stole the last of the guacamole. “Also my turn so we are watching Emperor’s New Groove after this.”

“Boooooo,” Lacey said and Gretchen stuck out her tongue. “You like stupid movies.”

“You like Discord,” Gretchen snapped back.

“He is a funny looking dragon and an agent of chaos! What isn’t to like?” Lacey shouted.

“He never really learns the lesson no matter how much Fluttershy tries to help him,” Gretchen replied.

“Girls,” Merlin said. “You both have good points and if you like we can reopen this discussion at another time. You know Ben got traumatized by the last cartoon characterization war.”

“Sorry, Ben,” Lacey and Gretchen said and Gretchen kissed his cheek. 

“Good. Bethany you are on dishes with me. Everyone else disperse.” Merlin started moving dishes over and when he turned it wasn’t Bethany with him, but Audra. “Now, not later?”

“Don’t want it hanging over my head during movie time,” Audra said. She put food into tupperware for lunches. “Tell me the dangers of dating an agent.”

“It’s different that Uncle Harry,” he said. 

“I know it would be,” Audra replied. “I do. But she is pretty and clever and there was a spark.”

“Sparks are wonderful things.” Merlin rinsed dishes and put them in the dishwasher. They worked in silence.

“Say it,” Audra begged. “Just say what you want to say.”

Merlin pulled her into a hug. “I love you.”

“Ugh,” Audra groaned.

Merlin laughed. “Date who you want, my dear, you know I won’t stand in your way. Just be prepared for the hurt.”

“Any relationship can hurt.” 

“Aye,” Merlin agreed. He kissed her head. “If it becomes serious you have to decide how many lies you can live with. Because there will be a great many. A great many secrets and lies.”

“You’ve barely ever hidden what you do from us,” Audra pointed out. 

“For an agent it is different. And yes ye know what I do, but how many specifics do you know?” Audra opened her mouth and Merlin shook his head. “How many have I killed with a keystroke or a gun? How many guns can I use, how many people are on my staff?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “You are their quartermaster,” she said.

“I am,” he agreed. “And she is my agent and you are my daughter.”

“Will it make it difficult for you to make calls for her if she and I are dating?” Audra’s stomach felt full of lead.

“What I am trying to tell you darling, is that it won’t affect me a whit on the job. And you have to decide how you feel about that.” Merlin gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“I need -”

“Go to your room, I’ll tell everyone ye had revisions on your thesis to do.”

“Thanks, Da,” she said.

Merlin finished up and went upstairs and gave Audra’s excuses. Gretchen didn’t buy it but a small shake of his head kept her sitting. That and Ben was in a post food coma with his head in her lap and Clara painting his toenails.

Merlin settled on the couch and Lacey curled up next him. Bethany started the movie and sprawled on the floor. 

45 minutes in and they had the movie on mute and were doing all the lines themselves when Audra came upstairs. “I invited Roxy to the party,” she said. She gave her dad her most determined stare.

“She’ll be very welcome. And yes I will have beer available.” Audra sat down on the ground next to Bethany. “I do need to address though - Rox Me Like a Hurricane? Really?”

“Shut up the 80s are back.”

“I read Cosmo, it’s the 90s that are coming back. Girls are in chokers everywhere these days.” He swatted away the pillow that Audra threw at him. “Here I am!” he sang and everyone pelted him with pillows.

************************************

“If you let go, I will murder you,” Roxy warned.

“If I let go, you’ll run in terror,” Eggsy pointed out. He was walking her along the street towards Merlin’s house for the party. It had taken Roxy an hour to dress finally settling on trousers and a crisp shirt. He was in a track suit, he had seen their back yard, he knew better than to where white into that jungle. “You want to see Audra.”

“I do,” Roxy agreed. “But our first date is going to have her father there. My boss.”

“Isn’t Harry our boss?” Eggsy asked. Roxy gave him a look. “Okay yeah, Merlin’s the one in charge. It is a party, not like he is chaperoning you to a movie and sitting behind you and kicking your seat every time you move even a centimeter closer to the girl.”

“That was very specific,” Roxy said.

“Yeah, good gravy Faith Macintosh was gorgeous, her braces were always shiny.” Eggsy said in fond memory.

“Scottish hmmm?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing,” Roxy said. They stopped in front of the house. “This is where Merlin lives? It’s so…”

“Right?” Eggsy nodded. “All homey, and a bit unkempt, and adorable.”

“Yeah.” Roxy shook her head. “Eggsy I can’t move. My feet stopped working. Leave me here and go have fun.”

“Jesus, Harry’s dramatics were supposed to infect me, not you.” Eggsy put his shoulder in her stomach and carried her around the house and into the back. Clara had another table set up. “Hey, no hard hats needed today.”

“Drink cups. Do you intend to imbibe from the keg?”

“Yeah I could do with a beer,” he agreed.

Clara handed him a blue plastic cup. “Blue for beer.”

“Huh, bit boring isn’t it?” Eggsy teased.

“You have a girl on your shoulder. Is she your gift for Audy and Gretchen?”

“I was supposed to bring a gift?” Eggsy asked. “Shit.”

“Swear jar,” Clara said. She then leaned a little forward. “Figured people would forget their manners. 30 quid and you can have one of the spare gifts I have just in case.”

“30 quid!” Eggsy shouted.

“Uh, excuse me, still stuck up here?” Roxy pointed out and hit Eggsy’s arse with a pretty hard punch.

Eggsy ignored her. “Then hell yes, Roxy is my gift. Rox you going to drink beer?”

“No, I hate the stuff,” she said.

Clara gave a purplish cup.  “Fucshia for fizzy drink. Have fun!”

Eggsy moved forward and saw a table loaded with gifts. He walked backwards and fished out his wallet. “30,” he said.

Clara reached under the table and handed him a well wrapped gift. “Thank you for doing business with me.”

“Yeah, yeah, this better be good,” Eggsy muttered. He put the gift on the table and saw Audra. “Audy!” he called as he went over. “Here you go, one pretty girl hand delivered.” He dumped Roxy off his shoulder. “I want to see my wall.”

“Room’s open,” Gretchen said and waved in the direction. “Food and drink over there.” She straightened her kitten ears a bit. “Hello future girlfriend of my sister. I’m watching you.” 

Roxy paled a little and Eggsy snickered.

“Hiya, Roxy,” Audra said. “Thank you for coming to the party.”

“You are pretty,” Roxy replied. She sighed a little. “Also hello and sorry my best friend is a wanker for making me enter like that.”

“You -” Roxy glared at him and Eggsy decided to shut up. “I’m going to see my wall.” He went into the former garage and whistled. “Damn this is amazing.”

“Aye,” Merlin agreed. “I admit, I dinnae think it would work. But it did. This will be a good space for them.”

“You make it sound like they’ve moved to a different country not a few metres away,” Eggsy joked.

Merlin laughed at himself a little. “I am aware. But still, this will nae last as long as they think. They’ll be gone quicker than they realize.”

“Maybe not,” Eggsy told him. “They seem in no rush.”

“Children are always in a rush,” Merlin replied. “Time moves differently. What seems so slow to them, to me is a blink.” He shook his head. “This is why I don’t drink beer. Makes me maudlin.”

“Thought whisky did that to people.”

“I’ve never been good at following the crowd. Still I thank ye for the help on this space.” Merlin smiled at him. “Did Roxy come with ye?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy grinned. “You know she is terrified of you? Like sure you are going to murder her for looking at Audra.”

“It would be cruel of me to have fun with that,” Merlin said.

Eggsy’s eyes widen. “I will pay you so much money to be an asshole to her. Like all the money ever.” His eyes somehow got even bigger. “Do the blink and tilt. Roxy’s never gotten the blink and tilt - it will freak her out.”

“I will nae torture my daughter’s prospective partner.”

“I thought that was what your sort of dad did.”

“It would imply I do not trust in Audra’s intellect or ability to take care of herself. I trust those implicitly.” More people came in to check out the completed room and Eggsy and Merlin went back out to the party where music was now playing and Ben was spinning in circles with Lacey. Merlin switched to a purple cup and got a fizzy drink and Eggsy went to the keg and then to check out the food.

“Bethany, pretty french braid,” Eggsy said. It was a little lopsided and bobbily but still.

“Da tried a couple of those tips you gave him and we watched some youtube videos.” She was giving the veggie tray a death glare. “I have to eat 3 carrots before I can have dessert.”

Eggsy looked over. “Pick them up, your da is looking.” Bethany did. “Okay pretend to move it towards your mouth,” he said and then when Merlin turned away Eggsy stole all three carrots and crammed them in his mouth. He made a little hand motion.

“Ugh, stupid carrots,” Bethany said and made a dramatic swallow sound.

Merlin smiled pleased. “Thank ye lass, one lemon square.”

“It was carrots, Daddy.”

“And a brownie,” he conceded. He moved around the growing party, easily greeting Audra and Gretchen’s friends. Eggsy found himself in a group and talking footie and other things, like a normal person. It made him realize how long it had been since he called Jamal up. He would do that this weekend.

“Well?” Gretchen said.

“My wall is amazing,” Eggsy replied.

“Great, ask me to dance.”

“Wanna dance?”

“Try to keep up,” she replied and they went over and the twist came on. “Ben can’t move his hips. You look like you can.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy’s grin was wicked, “I can.” They danced like mad and Gretchen checked and sure enough her dad was watching Eggsy. She moved them so that Eggsy was shaking his booty in Merlin’s eyesight. Yup, her dad was trying not to stare. They so called this. 

Eggsy was breathless and laughing by the end. “Thanks, that was brilliant.”

“My turn?” Lacey asked. Gretchen was ready to murder her little sister, it should be their dad up next.

“Sure, sweetie,” Eggsy agreed and picked her up and moved them around in a small waltz.

“You dance like Uncle Harry,” Lacey said.

“He’s the one who taught me.”

“He teaches us lots of stuff too,” Lacey agreed. “He’s very smart.”

“He is.”

“Not as smart as Daddy though.”

“Tough call in my mind,” Eggsy replied.

“No, Daddy’s the bestest ever,” Lacey replied certain.

“It’s good you think so. Little girls should always think their da is the best.” Eggsy moved around the patio with her and at the end of the song put her down. “My thanks kind lady for the dance.” He wasn’t surprised that she had a perfect curtsy.

He went to get another beer and chatted some more with people and it was dark out and the fairy lights made the garden look magical. He saw the younger girls with torches going deeper into the plants and trees and smiled. It was brilliant, especially when Merlin slid out of the trees and scared them with the terrifying words “Little girls need to be in pajamas now.” 

“Scatter!” Clara yelled and the three tried to run but Merlin caught them all.

“I’m 11, I should get more time,” Bethan shouted.

“A fair point,” Merlin agreed and she stopped struggling. “Ye promise me to go in when I say with no fuss then you can have 30 more minutes.”

“Yes, Daddy,” she said quickly and ran when he put her down before he could change his mind.

“No fair,” Clara and Lacey shouted.   


“Grow faster then,” he suggested.

“You say we are growing too fast,” Lacey pointed out.

“Life is a paradox.” He let them say good night to Audra and Gretchen and marched them inside and put them in pajamas and tucked them in and went back downstairs.

Eggsy didn’t want to rat them out but on the other hand. “Guv, don’t think it took?”

Merlin doesn’t look. “Two faces pressed against a window?”

“Uh-huh?”

Merlin nodded, “they’ll fall asleep like that.” He looked around and saw Roxy’s hand graze Audra’s ass. Roxy saw him see it, and froze. Merlin did the blink and tilt and Roxy panicked and moved a step away from Audra.

“Yessssss,” Eggsy said. “Now give the half smile too.”

“That would be a bridge too far.”

“You’re no fun,” Eggsy whined.

“I’m plenty fun,” Merlin countered.

“Oh yeah?”

“Aye, why right now I’m so fun I’ll ask ye to dance with me,” Merlin said.

“Wot, really?” Eggsy stared at him in shock.

“If ye like,” Merlin said. The music was upbeat and Gretchen and Ben were dancing and several other couples.

“Sure?” Eggsy said. “Who leads?”

“I do,” Merlin replied firmly and pulled him onto the dance floor and lead him in a brisk two step. Eggsy found it very easy to follow Merlin’s lead and it seemed like the shortest song ever and a girl said, “Mr. Hamish, jitterbug with me!”

“Of course Denise,” Merlin replied and was off.

Eggsy went to get another beer and decided he was done. He threw his cup away and went to say goodbye to Audra and thank her for inviting him. 

“I’ll head out too,” Roxy said.

“You could stay,” Audra said.

“No, need to prep for a mi, er, business trip,” Roxy replied remembering they were surrounded by civilians. “Dinner when I’m back?”

Audra kissed Roxy and enjoyed how the badass agent squeaked and look to see if Merlin saw. “Dinner would be nice.”

Eggsy waved to Gretchen who was doing some very odd dancing with Ben and saw Merlin carrying Bethany inside. He looked up and realized Clara and Lacey had fallen asleep against their window. “Let’s go, Rox.”

On the subway they sat side by side and Roxy was listing every good quality of Audra. “And her hair is soft, and her smile, and the glasses, and Eggsy she smells sooooo nice. Girls smell so much nicer than boys.”

“Oi,” he complained.

“It’s just a fact luv, you lot just aren’t as pretty smelling.”

“Merlin smells nice,” Eggsy muttered but Roxy didn’t hear it too busy with listing everything wonderful about Audra.

***************************************

Merlin and Audra and Gretchen were cleaning up the party around midnight, Ben was snoring in a chair. “A good time girls?” Merlin kicked Ben awake as he walked by with a garbage bag. 

“Yes,” Gretchen said. She leaned her head up and Ben kissed her goodbye, and disappeared with the plate of food she handed him. “It was a lot of fun.”

Audra stacked the rented chairs. “Roxy is perfect.”

“No one is perfect,” Merlin replied. “Though my girls come really close.”

“Nerd,” Gretchen said.

“Never said different.” Merlin decided to only turn off half the fairy lights, leaving a small path of them from the garage to the house. “Just in case ye need to find your way.”

Both girls hugged him tight.

“Thank you, Daddy, for everything,” Audra said.

“Of course.”

“You had fun too right?” Gretchen asked.

“I did.”

“You danced with Eggsy, I saw,” Audra said lightly.

“Hmm,” Merlin replied. 

“He’s a good dancer, you looked well together,” Audra added.

Merlin gave her a look but she smiled innocently and then yawned. He pushed them both to the garage and went upstairs. He checked on everyone and had a quick shower before settling into bed himself.

Eggsy had been a very enjoyable dance partner, he admitted to himself and wondered if there would ever be a chance to dance with him again. As he drifted off to sleep he remembered though that he had to give Eggsy crap at some point for the carrot pass off. Like he hadn't seen through that ruse. But his heart warmed at the way Eggsy interacted with his girls.


	10. Chapter 10

Eggsy was doing paperwork in his office, doing the practice forgery that he had been given. He was surprisingly decent at copying writing, a skill he never expected to have but hey there are weirder things. He hums a little to himself as he works and wonders who’s in the gym that he could bug.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he answered without looking. “Hey,” he said.

“He’s losing his mind,” a voice hissed.

Eggsy paused. “Gretchen?”

“Get here now,” she said. “He and Uncle Harry are ready to storm the ramparts.”

“What ramparts? Where are you?”

“Shit, he noticed,” Gretchen said and her voice disappeared.

Eggsy had no problems admitting he was freaking out. Gretchen called terrified about Merlin and Harry, and they could talk and she couldn’t be noticed. Eggsy for a moment had some blind panic and then began strapping every weapon he had in his office to his body. He heard a noise from his phone that almost sounded like Merlin.

Gretchen had it muffled but on. He could track the signal. He typed furiously on his phone and the map had a little light start to blink. He ran to the bullet train and soon was hauling ass through London. He didn’t even register what buildings he was going by just using every trick in his arsenal climbing buildings and jumping and being utterly reckless to reach them.

To save his people.

He went through a third floor window and calmed himself. He walked through a building, seemed mostly like offices. He turned a corner and saw his targets. Merlin was pacing, and Harry was tapping a foot. 

He was not used to seeing the men restless. Eggsy made just enough noise that they turned on him. Eggsy hurried over. He realized that all the girls were there except Audra.

Oh fuck, someone kidnapped Audra. He had to call Roxy. Roxy would burn the world down. “Sit rep,” Eggsy whispered. He looked for cameras, anything that would explain the situation.

Gretchen snickered and pulled her phone out and turned it off.

Merlin glared at her. “Ye called in reinforcements?”

“You were panicking before it even started! And you and Uncle Harry are both ready to storm in there,” she protested.

“You have your I’m alpha wolf protector of the pack face on Daddy,” Bethany said. “Did you know though that a lot of that alpha stuff is made up? I read a book.” 

“What’s going on?” Eggsy asked. “Who kidnapped Audra? Who are we killing?”

“That second committee member if he keeps making my daughter’s life hell,” Merlin muttered darkly.

“This is taking longer than Susan’s phd defense,” Harry said. “The second one.”

“It has been thirty minutes since we were kicked out for the private q&a,” Gretchen said. She gave Lacey a juice box. “And you two need to call down.”

Eggsy actually looked around the building and put it all together. “Is this Audra’s thesis defense?”

“Aye, and we don’t know what is happening in there. She wouldn’t let me bug the room.” Merlin began to pace again. “What if they don’t recognize how smart she is?”

“I can ruin their careers,” Harry suggested.

“I have five grenades on me,” Eggsy hissed. “Or five knives. I don’t know. I have everything that was in my desk. Which is a lot of shit. I really don’t clean that out. I could take out the whole building and this is about Audra’s defense?” He glared at Gretchen. “You couldn’t tell me that?”

“No, I could have,” she said. “But if they don’t pass her, I’ll need help murdering them.”

“Good girl,” Merlin said and sat down only to pop up and pace again. 

Eggsy got dizzy just watching him. And Harry was tapping his foot again. “Okay, Harry, how about you take Clara and Lacey for a walk? Find a vending machine.”

“Why?” Harry asked.

“Because you and Merlin are feeding off each other and making it worse. Bethany that room over there looks like it has books. Gretchen will take you and you Merlin -” Eggsy couldn’t finish his distraction plans because Audra came out of the room pale and in her Kingsman suit. She stumbled and Merlin caught her and guided her to the bench. Eggsy watched him crouch in front of her.

“That bad?”

“I have no idea,” she said. She was pale. “There were just a million questions, some I was prepared for, some I wasn’t. It just. It was terrifying. Maybe all my research was wrong. I’m an idiot. I need to go sell shoes for a living.” She began to rock a little and Merlin hugged her tight.

“The only brain I’ve seen to rival yours is your mother’s, and frankly yours is more well rounded. If they fail ye, there is something wrong with them, not you. I read your thesis, it was on point.”

“Did you even understand it?”

“A solid 30%,” Merlin replied. “Some nice charts in there. I understood those.” 

Eggsy moved away as the whole family swarmed to hug Audra. He stood next to Harry. “So what’s the plan?”

“Destroy the uni if they don’t recognize my goddaughter’s brilliance,” Harry said like it was matter of fact.

“Or...there is probably an appeals process?” Eggsy suggested.

The door opened and Audra stood, and clutched her dad’s hand behind her back. “Mazel tov,” her advisor said. “You did incredible work. If you consider applying for a doctorate I would love to help you.”

“See?” Merlin muttered.

“Mum has enough of those,” Audra replied. She looked to her advisor, “I passed?”

“You did, come on in so we can talk to for just a minute, then you can go celebrate.” Audra went back in and the second the door closed the whole family cheered.

Eggsy found himself leaping out of the way as people tried to hug him. “Armed to the teeth? Don’t want to stab a little girl.”

Merlin was beaming and pulled Eggsy in for a hug. “I can see where to avoid. My daughter has her masters, Eggsy.” He hugged Eggsy even tighter for a moment and then let go. “We are celebrating tonight. Since Gretchen dragged ye into this mess, please join us?”

“This is for family,” Eggsy protested.

“Nah, you are coming along. Bean Boy Ben will be happy to have the company,” Gretchen said.

“Is he okay with that nickname?” Eggsy asked. Everyone looked at him. “I mean he’s a little skinny yeah but…”

“Huh, I should ask him,” Gretchen said. She typed and waited. “As long as you keep feeding him and not murdering him, he’s okay with whatever, he’s put up with us calling him Ben this long, the rest is easy,” she read. “Wait...what?” Gretchen typed more. “His name isn’t Ben. I’ve been dating him for two years how did I not know his name wasn't Ben?”

“No, I had him checked out, his name is Ben, I mean it is Gilbert Benjamin, but Ben is in there.”

“I’m going to marry a guy named Gilbert?” Gretchen almost shouted. “I’m not Anne of Avonlea what the hell?” She typed those exact words to Ben and waited. “Oh. Apparently that is what I said when I met him. I literally wiped Gilbert from my memory. I thought his friends calling him Gil was like a fish joke.”

“I like the name Gilbert,” Clara said. “Gilbert. Gillllbert.”

Soon everyone in the hall was just saying the name Gilbert. Even Eggsy found himself saying it. “He looks more like a Ben,” Eggsy said.

“Yeah,” Gretchen agreed. “And you would be company for him. So you are coming along.”

Eggsy would have protested but everyone was giving him puppy eyes. “Fine, I’ll come along.”

They all chatted as they waited for Audra who came out with her book bag, that Merlin automatically took. “Time to celebrate?” Merlin asked.

“Aye,” Audra agreed. “Uncle Harry?”

“I have an appropriate room booked,” Harry promised and everyone laughed. Not Eggsy because he was not in on the joke. “Tell Ben the usual place.” Gretchen typed and Harry swooped up Lacey into a piggy back. “We are off then,” he said.

“Where are we going?” Eggsy asked.

“To the celebration place,” Clara said like it was obvious.

“It is where all momentous occasions occur,” Bethany explained. “Anytime we have to celebrate something big this is where we go.”

“Okay then,” Eggsy agreed. “I should maybe go...divest certain items back the shop and meet up?”

“Of course,” Harry agreed. He gave Eggsy the address of the celebration location.

“That’s your address, Harry,” Eggsy said.

“It is, isn’t it?” Harry replied and walked away, Lacey on his back.

An hour later Eggsy was knocking on Harry’s door. Merlin opened it. “Come on in, the party is getting going.”

Eggsy walked in and saw the party was huge feast of Chinese take out and Audra wearing a crown. “Wild.”

“It makes us happy, and Audra will likely meet friends or Roxy later,” Merlin said. “Harry likes to do this when something big happens in the girl’s lives.”

“He likes to take care of people,” Eggsy said.

“Aye, so long as they mostly leave at the end of the night,” Merlin replied. “He likes his space.”

“Yeah.” Eggsy thought about his still fairly empty flat and how he liked the noise of Merlin’s family. He should go visit Daisy soon. “Right, well I want an egg roll.”

“If you want food don’t sit next to Ben,” Merlin suggested.

“It’s the seat left,” Eggsy replied.

“Well good luck to ye,” Merlin said and went to sit next to Audra. 

“Hey, Ben,” Eggsy said. “Unless you prefer Gil?” 

Ben shook his head and ate more rice. And more shrimp. Eggsy remembered being an empty hole at 19 never getting enough food, but that was because Dean didn’t feed him. This kid just ate.

“I have told him he could hold the eat the most hot dog record thing, but he doesn’t like hot dogs,” Gretchen said. She ate some vegetable dish. “Audy, tell us what they said.”

“Well it really was just you are brilliant, and beautiful, with perfect annotations, and secondary research that is the best seen in these walls in 30 years,” Audra said. “Then they wept knowing they will never see such wonderful work again.” Everyone laughed. “Nah, they said it was good and I definitely could publish an article or two out of it. Wanker 2nd committee member took far too much credit for it.”

“Well bugger him,” Merlin said and then raised his glass. “Audy, my darling, my oldest lass, your family stands beside you, proud every day, but today adds just a little extra sparkle. We love you so much, Audy. Congratulations.”

Everyone said congratulations and they ate a little more and then Harry brought out a small cake. As they were eating it, Audy’s phone beep and she lit up. “Mama,” she said and took her phone out into the living room.

“Susan must be face timing her congrats in, she wished she could have come but she is neck deep in seasonal research,” Merlin explained to Eggsy.

Eggsy stared intently at Merlin wanting to see the guy react, to show some emotion about the ex, but there wasn’t anything much, it was so very matter of fact.

Audy came back in a few minutes later. “She says hi Gretchen, Lacey.” Audy sat back down. “And uh...my friends are going to be at a bar soon, and I maybe asked Roxy to meet me?”

“Of course,” Merlin agreed. He reached back into his wallet and pulled out a wad of money. “Here you go,” he said. It had something wrapped around it. Not a money clip, not one that Eggsy recognized.

“Daddy,” Audra said softly. “You didn’t.” She unwrapped it and it was a delicate bracelet thin chain with a few small gems. 

“Congratulations on your masters, darling.” Merlin kissed her cheek. “Now go have fun with your friends.” He looked over. “Go along as well Gretchen, Ben.”

Ben looked at the cake and then at Gretchen. “I’ll buy you popcorn at the movie,” Gretchen promised and they left with Audra.

It grew quiet and Harry kept looking at one cupboard and then the girls that were left, repeating it a few times rather obviously.

Bethany smiled at Harry. “Uncle Harry is it a lonely night for you?”

“You know my dear, I do believe it is. And I need three girls to help me watch a movie and not be so lonely. Do you know where I might find such kind girls?”

“Me!” Lacey shouted. “I can make you not lonely.”

“I can help too, Uncle Harry, especially if we play Cluedo,” Clara said.

“How else do you solve loneliness except with Cluedo,” Harry replied. They all looked to Merlin hopefully.

“They have clean jams and tooth brushes here, aye?”

“They do,” Harry said.

“Fine, then I suppose I can tolerate being abandoned by all my lasses,” Merlin sighed sadly. “Uncle Harry’s lonely nights must be defeated.”

“And they can only be defeated when boring fathers disappear,” Harry said. “Eggsy my apologies but you would hinder the process as well.”

“Okay?” Eggsy said and stood. “Merlin?”

“Come along, I’ll explain,” Merlin said. He gave each girl a hug and they were gone.

“Uncle Harry? Are you trying to make them like each other like how Audy and Gretchen are?” Bethany asked.

Harry smiled. “Clever girl.”

“Daddy likes Eggsy?” Lacey asked.

“We think he could, if he noticed that he did,” Harry explained. “And I will nudge him a little, get him to notice.”

“That’s great,” Clara said. “Where’s Cluedo?”

“Tidying first so that we can make a different sort of mess,” Harry said and the girls hopped to.

**************************************

“Harry lonely night?” Eggsy asked after their none too subtle kick to the curb.

“He started it shortly after Susan left permanently. When he thought I was stressed or needed a break, he would tell the girls that he was awfully lonely and could use some company. He let them play board games and stay up late watching movies and I could have some time.” Merlin started to walk a bit. “I think he was a little worried that I might be feeling...feelings about my eldest being done graduate school.”

“Are you?” Eggsy asked.

“So many,” Merlin agreed. “Too many to name.”

“What do you usually do with your alone nights? Go to a bar get a leg over?”

Merlin cackled. “Nae, mostly I put on music and read. Take a shower without anyone needing to talk to me.”

“I’ll leave you be then,” Eggsy said. “Enjoy your quiet.”

“Thank you,” Merlin said. “And thank you for coming on the run like that. You looked well prepared to kill.”

Eggsy flushed a little. “It’s nothing.”

“Eggsy ye came running because my daughter called. No other information than that?” Merlin gave him a huge and sincere smile. “To me, that’s everything. Good night.”

Merlin started to walk away and Eggsy watched him. “Merlin?” he called after him.

“Aye?”

Eggsy faltered. “You mentioned some toys your girls outgrew that maybe Daisy might like? Could I stop by another day check them out?”

“Ye could come over now,” Merlin said.

“It’s your quiet time,” Eggsy protested.

“A little company wouldn’t be so bad,” Merlin replied. “I’ll make ye a cuppa and we’ll sort through Peppa toys and books. Ye can watch me try not to cry at how fast they are growing.”

“I am sure they are manly stoic tears,” Eggsy said.

“Ugly, gulping, sobs,” Merlin said. “But if that doesn’t scare you -”

“It doesn’t,” Eggsy said and moved next to Merlin and they walked back to Merlin’s side by side, saying little, enjoying the quiet company.


	11. Chapter 11

“Where’s Eggsy?” Bethany asked. “He’s always here for taco night.”

“No he isn’t,” Merlin protested. He looked at the giant pan that he had added an extra pound of ground beef to. “It is a few times. He is busy tonight.” 

“It’s been all month,” Bethany protested as she cut up green onion and tomato.

“He had plans,” Merlin said.

“What plans, he was going to teach you how to do a fish tail braid,” Bethany said. “He mentioned last week.” She put everything in the little bowls.

“He had a date, love,” Merlin explained.

“What,” Bethany’s tone was flat.

“He mentioned getting a drink with a lass,” Merlin answered. “Put the condiments on the table, the meet is almost ready.” He tasted and added a few more spices and then checked the onion and peppers, and the pot of beans. It was all looking good.

“Excuse me, Daddy,” Bethany said and stomped out of the kitchen.

Merlin wondered what the stomp was about but shrugged and kept stirring food.

**************************************************

“So tailor, is that an exciting job?” she asked.

She was pretty and Jamal had been right definitely his type. He had spent the weekend having a blast with his old mates and when Jamal had insisted this new girl he worked with was perfect for Eggsy, Eggsy figured whatever, go for drinks.

And she was nice and they were making decent small talk, but Eggsy was restless. He figured it was the upcoming mission he had but he felt like he should be somewhere else. He pushed the feeling back and smiled. “Interesting, anyways,” he replied. “Get to meet people, all different sorts, always a little different every day.”

“Well you certainly look nice,” she said. “Well fit.” She was giving him a small smile and Eggsy knew he could get a leg over tonight.

His phone buzzed and he opened it and there was just a picture of Audra and Gretchen flipping him off and looking pissed.

“Bloody hell,” he groaned. He texted a quick apology and got angry emojis back.

His date saw the photo. “Problem?”

“Oh just friends,” he said. He paused. “Huh, Audy and Gretchen are friends. When did that happen?”

“I probably don’t know?” She said.

“Sorry, their Da is sort of my boss, and accidentally ended up friends with them. It’s family taco night,” he explained. There was another photo of the table spread. “Aww man, and he made the ground beef. I love the ground beef.” The following text was just  _ Ben will insure there are no leftovers _ . There were no following messages.

“Well isn’t that adorable?” she said. “But I promise, I’m more interesting than a taco.”

Eggsy smiled and put his phone away. “I’m sure you are.” He signaled the waiter that they wanted another round of drinks.

***********************************************

“Gretchen, Ben can’t eat anymore ground beef,” Merlin looked at him with concern. “Dear god, I think he’s actually full.”

“Oh he’s eating one more taco,” Gretchen muttered darkly looking at the bowl almost empty of ground beef. Ben whimpered but reached for a taco shell.

“No,” Merlin said. “I have no idea what is going on and why you all look so grumpy, but you are not making Bean Boy Ben sick for whatever point you are making. You eat it.”

“I don’t eat meat,” Gretchen said. “It has a stupid texture.”

“Then there will be leftovers.”

“No,” Audra said. “There can’t be any beef left.”

“Why not?” Merlin looked around the table. The girls were all a mix of angry and quiet. Ben was just vaguely nauseous. “Somebody explain. Now.”

“It’s Eggsy’s fav and he bailed so he is being punished with no leftovers,” Audra finally said.

“How would he get the leftovers anyways, they’d be lunch on the weekend.” Merlin sighed. “He had plans, it’s nae a big deal.”

“Yes it is,” Bethany said, angry. “It matters.” She stormed out and Gretchen quickly followed.

“Okay, all of ye, upstairs and pick a movie. I’ll clean up,” Merlin said quietly. He went to the fridge and grabbed a ginger ale. “Drink this and lie down,” Merlin told Ben. Ben clutched the can and staggered upstairs with the other girls.

Merlin looked at the table and shook his head. His girls were being silly. It didn’t matter than Eggsy had a date. It didn’t matter at all.

He stared at the leftover ground beef and grabbed a taco shell. There wasn’t that much to be leftovers, might as well finish it. He angrily spooned ground beef into the taco shell even though he was pretty full as well.

He finished cleaning up and felt a little queasy but was willing to live with it. He was going to go upstairs to join everyone when the doorbell rang. Merlin went over and there was Eggsy looking sheepish.

“She wasn’t more interesting than a taco,” he said.

“We ate all the ground beef,” Merlin replied.

“I figured based on some messages I got.”

“There is some veggies left, I can make ye a quesadilla,” Merlin offiered.

“Yeah?”

“Oh come on in,” Merlin said and went back to the kitchen and pulled out some food. 

Eggsy followed him. “I had forgot taco night when she made the date.”

“It’s nae a big deal,” Merlin said and cut up the leftover peppers and onion and mixed it with some cheese in the tortilla. It sizzled as it hit the small bit of oil in the pan.

“Yeah, but I think it is,” Eggsy replied softly.

“Ye were missed. Bethany was especially upset.” Merlin flipped the quesadilla. “She likes order in her universe. You have been around the last few taco nights.” 

“I know,” Eggsy agreed.

Merlin flipped the food out and cut it up and put it on a plate. “Out of guac and sour cream.”

“Some salsa will be fine,” Eggsy said.

Gretchen came in. “No,” she said looking at them. “No food for the betrayer.” She took the plate out of Eggsy’s hand. “This is Bean Boy Ben’s now.”

Merlin took it back and handed it to Eggsy. “Stop!” he ordered. “One, don’t injure your boyfriend like that, no matter that he is game for your orders. Two, we treat guests politely. Three, how is he a betrayer? It’s taco night, he missed it for a date, it isn’t a big deal.”

Gretchen glared at Eggsy. “Da isn’t poly.”

“Okay?” Eggsy was lost.

“We aren’t okay with you cheating on him, even if Da is,” she said.

“Gretchen,” Merlin was dumbfounded. “Eggsy and I are nae dating.”

Gretchen looked between them. “But he’s here for taco night!”

“That doesn’t equal dating,” Merlin replied. “It’s like Uncle Harry coming over.”

Gretchen quivered. “No,” was all she said and went back up.

Merlin looked at Eggsy who was just standing there holding the plate. “I’m sorry. I have no idea what that was about.” He shrugged a little helpless. “You should eat, quesadillas get cold quick.” He got the salsa out of the fridge and offered it to Eggsy. 

Eggsy didn’t take it. “Dating? Why would she think taco night equals dating?”

“I wish I knew,” Merlin replied. He wiggled the jar but Eggsy wouldn’t take it. He put it back in the fridge. “Come on. Ye can eat it upstairs.” 

They went up to the family room and all the girls glared at Eggsy. “I wasn’t cheating! I had a date. Perfectly reasonable when someone is single.” The glares intensified and Eggsy shivered. “Lord, you are all intense.” Well Ben wasn’t intense, he seemed to have fallen into a food coma from so many tacos. “How did he finish all that ground beef?”

“He didn’t,” Gretchen replied. “There was some left.”

“No, there wasn’t,” Eggsy said. “This has veg in it.”

Gretchen looked at her Da.

“Yes, I finished it, I was still hungry,” Merlin replied. He ignored the slow smiles Audra and Gretchen gave him. It meant not a thing that he finished the ground beef. He hadn’t been angry at Eggsy for being out on a date on taco night. “Put the movie on.”

Bethany hit play and Bedknobs and Broomsticks went on.

“Hey, I told you this movie freaks me out,” Eggsy protested. He sat on the ground and ate a little. “The moving armor is creepy.”

“I know,” Bethany replied darkly. “Suffer.”

Eggsy sighed and ate the quesadilla and when the armor began to move he turned away. Stupid childhood fear. He noticed the hand Merlin placed on his hair but didn’t say anything. At the end he stood up. “I’ll be heading out. Ben you need a lift?” Ben nodded and slowly stood up. “Uh...I’ll be on time next week?” Everyone looked unimpressed. “I’m sorry I forgot taco night. I promise you guys are lots better than what I was doing.” Eggsy realized how true it was. “Happier here, honest.”

“You need to teach Daddy that braid,” Bethany said giving him a glare that was a little softer.

“I will, promise,” Eggsy said.

“Okay,” she relented.

Eggsy and Ben headed out and Eggsy drove Ben to his dorms. Ben looked at him. “Your life would be easier if you just stopped fighting it.”

Eggsy was pretty sure that was the most he had ever heard the guy say. “Fighting what?”

“It’s the event horizon, you just accept the complete change of the universe and the point of no return and it is all better,” he explained.

“I don’t get it,” Eggsy said. “I think you ate too much taco.”

Ben gave Eggsy’s shoulder a squeeze. “Just accept it, it’s better that way.” He got out of the car and waved and was in his dorm.

Eggsy wondered what the fuck Bean Boy Ben had been going on about. It was weird. He drove home. There was a text from the woman that he had given a bullshit excuse to to get to taco time asking to try again.

Eggsy sent a no thanks message to her.

She really hadn’t been as interesting as taco night.


	12. Chapter 12

“Lancelot, we are out of options. Ye need to seduce that prat there,” Merlin said. The line was quiet. “Lancelot do ye see a second option that I am missing?” Still more silence, “Lancelot, respond.”

“No, it is the easiest option that doesn’t involve five bodies to hide,” she agreed.

“Good, then do your job,” he ordered. Roxy wasn’t moving. “Lancelot?”

“I can’t,” she whispered. “You’ll kill me.”

“Why would I kill you?” Merlin was dumbfounded. “I need you to do your job.”

“If you watch me seduce the guy, even if I drug him before much happens, you’ll kill me because I’m dating your daughter.”

Merlin felt his jaw tightened. “I fail to see what about your personal life matters right now, in comparison to stopping a plane from exploding, but please enlighten me.”

“Merlin,” she said. “How will you not be mad at me?”

“Oh trust me Lancelot right now I am furious with you. But that is for attempted insubordination. Get to work.”

“Merlin -” she pressed.

“I am done with ye,” he said harshly. “My assistant will be taking over the mission since ye have personal issues with me.” He contacted his assistant and the man took over. Merlin turned his mind to the million other things that he had to do and a few hours later he was informed about Roxy’s success and that she was headed home. Merlin gave a sharp nod and continued his work.

The next day Roxy made her after action report and went to find Merlin. “Merlin,” she said.

“Sir,” he replied formally.

Roxy froze. “Merlin?”

“Lancelot,” Merlin began. “If you do not trust me in your ear, I ask that ye file the appropriate paperwork so that my assistant is your permanent handler for missions.”

Roxy felt her jaw drop. “I trust you,” she said in shock.

“Ye clearly don’t and are allowing our personal connection to shape your professional work and that is not an acceptable situation.”

“You were testing me,” she said. “You wanted to see what I would do. And now you are going to yell at me about cheating on your daughter and threaten me.”

Merlin’s glare could freeze the Sahara. “Agent Lancelot, I am appalled and disgusted that ye think so little of me and if you will not file the paperwork I will certainly do so. Good day.” Merlin nodded and walked out of his own office.

Roxy had to sink into a chair completely shook. She texted Harry that she was headed home for the day, needing time after the mission and was granted 48 hours leave. She then sent a message to Audy and Audra agreed to meet her for lunch.

Roxy went to the small cafe and Audra had already ordered them lassis and was sipping hers and looking adorable. Roxy bent and kissed Audra’s cheek and sat.

“I ordered us the lunch sampler for two, I hope that’s okay,” Audra said. “I have a meeting at 2.”

“No it’s fine,” Roxy assured her. “You look beautiful.”

Audra smiled. “You look in one piece. I’m glad. All okay?”

“Everything went fine on the business trip,” Roxy said. She thanked the server when the platter was brought and tore at some naan bread. “My...boss had to tell me to be a little more...social than I wanted to be. We had a disagreement over it.” Roxy waited for Audra to get mad.

“Okay,” Audra said easily and popped a pakora into her mouth. 

“I don’t know if you got my meaning,” Roxy said.

“No, I got it. Masters in psychology. I am good with subtext.”

“And you don’t have a problem with it?” Roxy pressed.

“Was it the correct course of action?”

“Yes.”

“Then we’re good. Not my favourite thing, but not going to sweat it.” Audra offered a pakora to Roxy. “Take one before I eat them all.”

“Your father ordered it,” Roxy whispered.

Audra looked at Roxy. “Ohhhh,” was all she said. She kept eating.

“Ohhhh what?” Roxy barely touched her food.

“Well, you are clearly the one with the problem, not me,” Audra shrugged, “if you want I can flame out but I’m fine with anything that brings you back. Plus we’ve been dating a few weeks. I’m not going to dictate anything that happens in your work life. Even if we become long term, I probably won’t. I understand what your job entails.”

“Don’t you understand. Your Da and I -”

Audra glared at her and looked so like Merlin that it hurt. “That is work and that is between you and him. Do you think him so weak that he can’t separate who he is there and who he is at home? Do you think he and I haven’t talked about this?”

Roxy paused. “No?”

“Then you are a fool. I do not have time for fools,” Audra signaled the waitress and handed over some cash. “Grow up.”

“He’s your father. This has to upset him.”

Audra shook her head. “You diminish all of us that you think he matters most in the relationship we were trying to build.”

Roxy’s heart hurt. “Were? I don’t want were. I want are. I want present tense.”

“Then sort your head out.” Audra walked out of the restaurant. Roxy stared at all the leftover food and had it packed up and took it home with her.

*******************************************

The next night there was a knock on her door and she hoped it was Eggsy. She had sent several mopey messages to him and she needed chocolate and vodka. “Eggsy,” she said when she opened it. 

And it was Merlin.

“Fuck,” her eyes widened. “Fuck you are here to kill me for breaking your daughter’s heart.”

Merlin gave her a faint smile. “Oh? You think yourself so important that a few weeks of dating is enough to break the heart of a warrior?” Roxy gulped audibly. “Roxy,” he said softly. “Ye need to get this fear out of your heart. I trust my daughter to make her own choices, and lead her life as best she can. I am her father yes, but I am your friend too. At least I thought we were friendly enough. I have no intentions ever of threatening you, judging you, or interfering in your relationship. I let you have this weight on your shoulders about this and I should have removed it long ago. I do apologize for that Roxy. If you and Audra work it out, I am very happy and if you don’t that is fine as well. She is 23 this is nae my business. And I can separate the agent from the woman dating my daughter. No threats or pressure from me. Okay?”

Roxy slumped against her door jamb. “Okay,” she said a bit relieved. “Okay. And I am sorry Merlin. I know you wouldn’t be like that but it just got all. My Da is a good man, but he never...he is traditional and hands off with a daughter and I see how you adore them, god you have so much love in you, and my brain got scrambled mixing everything together. I don’t want a different handler. I’m the best agent and I want the best in my ear.”

“Very well,” Merlin gave her a happy smile. “You are welcome at taco night, Roxy, should ye and Audra work it out.”

“Thanks?” she said.

Merlin squeezed her shoulder. “Roxy, are we good?”

“We are,” she replied.

“Excellent,” he replied. His grin sharpened and he walked away and Roxy noticed that Gretchen had been hiding behind him.

God, she looked super pissed.

“I get that I am her younger sister,” Gretchen said. She moved forward and poked Roxy with a fairly sharp fingernail. “But, her and I look out for each other. We always have. And she didn’t shed a single tear over you, because she is the strongest person I know. But she has been listening to depressing emo shit, which means she is sad. I do not like my sister being sad. So you will fix it, or else.”

“Or else?” Roxy asked faintly.

“I’m an artist,” Gretchen said. “You know what that means.”

“I don’t, to be honest,” Roxy said after a minute.

“It means I can hide your body in plain sight and people will call it a masterpiece and give me a fortune for it,” Gretchen snarled. “I cut canvas, I use drills, and hammers and plaster. I’ve seen Roger Corman’s House of Wax and will treat it as a documentary if you make her listen to emo crap again. Do you understand me?”

“What happens in that movie?” 

“Wait you haven’t seen it?” Gretchen looked surprised. “But it’s a classic! Da showed us all those crappy b-movies when we were teens; they are great.”

“My Da didn’t.”

“But that’s what Da’s do,” Gretchen frowned. “Okay, off track. Threatening you. Fix it with Audy so we can have horrible movie marathons to educate you.” Gretchen whipped out a palette knife from her pocket. “I’m lethal with this.”

“Understood,” Roxy said and fought back a smile.

“Good.” Gretchen nodded. “Okay then. Bye.” She went down the hall and she and Merlin gave Roxy jaunty waves before they went down the stairs.

Roxy went back in her flat. She pulled out her phone and texted Audra.  _ Your sister threatened me with a House of Wax fate _ .

**She could do it too. Now I want to watch that movie again** .

_ I haven’t seen it _ .

**What the hell. Next you’ll say you haven’t watched the Vincent Price Edgar Allen Poe ones.**

_ I haven’t. _

**Jesus. Right I’ll be right over with the dvds. If you want** .

_ I want _ .

**Give me an hour** .

*********************************************************

The next week, Roxy had a bag of tortilla crisps in her hand and rang Merlin’s doorbell. 

“Roxy,” he said when he opened it.

“I was invited to taco night?” she said. “I brought crisps.”

“Excellent,” he replied and held the door wide. “Ye are welcome. Audra insisted I make some shrimp for the tacos.”

“I love shrimp,” Roxy said.

“That is what she told me.” Merlin guided her to the kitchen. He had to nudge her in when all the eyes turned on her. “Audra invited Roxy to taco night,” he said. “Make some room.”

Chairs moved a little and Eggsy and Ben moved the chicken closer to them. Roxy sat between Audra and Clara. 

“Hi,” Roxy said. She put the crisps on the table. Everyone kept staring at her. “Uh, yay tacos?”

“You are the first girl Audy’s had at taco night,” Clara said. “Interesting.”

“Interesting?” Roxy squeaked.

“Very interesting,” Bethany agreed. “You don’t get to pick the movie yet though.”

“Ok?”

Audra smiled at her. “We always watch a movie after taco night. You have to be around a lot longer before you go into that rotation. Ben only achieved movie pick status six months ago.” Ben waved and made another taco.

“Taco night is important,” Lacey said. “Right, Daddy?”

“Very important,” he agreed. Merlin helped her put all the separate pieces on her plate. She was having a don’t mix foods week.

“Then why is Eggsy here?” Roxy asked. She winced when kicked by multiple legs under the table. She didn’t even know who they all belonged to.

Merlin and Eggsy looked at each other and then her and shrugged. “He likes tacos,” was what Merlin said.

“Yeah, tacos are great,” Eggsy said around a mouthful. He hit Ben’s hand as Ben tried to score the last of the guac.

“Do you like The Sword in the Stone, we’re watching that one tonight?” Clara asked. “I mean you must right?”

“I’ve never seen it,” Roxy said. “Why do all of you keep staring at me? I wasn’t allowed to watch a lot of movies or tv as a kid. Aren’t parents supposed to worry about screen time?”

“Meh,” Merlin responded. “A few movies won’t hurt anyone.”

“I can’t wait,” Roxy said. She took the shrimp that Audra offered her and made a taco. She was a little tense through most of the dinner and wondered how the hell Eggsy was so chill surrounded by so many people. Bastard was always more social than her. 

They ate and then Audra took Roxy upstairs and they settled in side by side and holding hands. And Roxy didn’t care about anything. Audra smelled so nice. Everyone piled upstairs and the movie was put on and Roxy’s brain broke when Merlin sang along in a deep and beautiful voice and it broke even more when Eggsy harmonized. She watched Eggsy lean on Merlin’s leg as he sat on the ground.

“Holy shit,” Roxy whispered staring at them.

Audra leaned in. “Yeah, they haven’t noticed,” she whispered into Roxy’s ear.

“How have they not noticed?” Roxy whispered back.

“Because boys are dumb,” Audra replied. “We figure they’ll clue in they are dating in about a year.”

“Isn’t anyone going to point it out to them?” Roxy watched Eggsy wrap his hand around Merlin’s ankle. “What the hell?”

“Yeah, we figure if we do, it will spook them,” Audra said. “Ben tried and it got nowhere, god bless the Bean Boy. Uncle Harry said we need to be subtle.”

“None of you are subtle.”

“What are ye two whispering about?” Merlin asked. “It is almost the big magic battle.”

“Nothing, Da,” Audra reassured.

“Yeah, nothing,” Roxy said.

Merlin nodded and focused on the movie, holding out an arm, for when Lacey curled in his lap.

Eggsy stayed leaning on him.

Roxy was oddly relieved. At least she wasn’t the only one that became an idiot around the Youngs. She leaned against Audra some more. This was nice.

Clara popped up behind them. "Can I be your handler? I do level two missions," she whispered. "And then you bring me candy for a good job."

"Uhhh, no?"

Clara shook her head. "You'll regret that choice." She popped back down and army crawled away.

Audra laughed against her. "She's going to make you pay for that in twenty years when she is quartermaster, just you wait. She holds a grudge."

"Sure," Roxy laughed at that thought.

Audra smiled, Roxy would learn in a couple decades. It would be fun to see.


	13. Chapter 13

“Well ye are in a good mood,” Merlin said as Eggsy whistled as he ran through a building in Columbia.

“Mum got time off work, they are coming to visit for a few days next week,” Eggsy said. He slid around a corner and shot a few people and kept going. “Haven’t seen them in person in months. Gonna be great.”

“Did ye fill in the paperwork for the time off?” Merlin asked.

“Uhhh...yes?” Eggsy replied and leaped across a balcony.

“So, no then,” Merlin said. “Charges are all primed,” he said. Eggsy was breathless as he ran out of the building and Merlin inputted the code and the EMPs all went off. “Excellent work, agent. I will fill out the paperwork. You can sign off on it upon your return.”

“Thanks, you are the guv,” Eggsy replied as he hopped in a car and started driving. “Listen can I borrow a few movies for the visit? Just in case she needs a little distraction?”

“Of course.” Merlin looked at his screen. “Ye just became my secondary concern, Percival is about to go hot, anything ye need?”

“Nope, I’m solid here Merlin,” Eggsy said. “20 klicks from the plane.”

“Good job agent, we’ll see you home soon.” Merlin switched to Percival and that was as smooth as silk, as it ever was. When that was done two hours later, he filled in the paperwork for Eggsy and texted Audra to put together a bag of entertainment for a 3 year old. He then sent a second one that it was for Eggsy and not Code Ribbon.

_ Wait, Eggsy has a kid? _

**Little sister** , Merlin texted back.  **Mum and sister are coming for a visit.**

_ Will put together something _ .

**Thanks. Love, Da**

_ You are doing the sign your texts thing again. It’s weird and old man thing. Stop. _

Merlin laughed, he mostly did it to annoy her. He whistled the tune that Eggsy had been whistling as he worked.

***************************************************

Eggsy was vibrating at the train station, arm full of a bouquet. He felt stupid but it was nice to greet people with flowers. He kept looking at the clock, they’d be here any minute. He walked around a little and found a small art display. He frowned something about one of the pieces spoke to him. He went over and read that it was a student exhibit and under the sculpture was a name he recognized.

He tapped the side of his glasses. “Hey, Merlin. I’m staring at Gretchen art.”

“I stare at it all the time,” Merlin commented.

“Yeah but it is at the train station,” Eggsy said. 

“The student display, aye, the whole family has gone.” Merlin was typing as they spoke.

“It isn’t what I expected,” Eggsy replied. He circled it a bit. “What is it?”

“There is a plaque with a long winded explanation I am sure,” Merlin said.

Eggsy looked and read. “That told me nothing.”

“Ben has synesthesia,” Merlin said. “Numbers have colours for him and it is a mix of love and hate for him since he is getting a maths degree. That is how he described the number 24 to her. I think. It is either 24 or 36. She has a whole series of works, painting, sketches, sculptures, of what numbers look like to him.”

“24 is a weird looking number.”

“Give Ben three beers and ye will learn about their relationships. Apparently along with colours some numbers are gendered and have quite torrid relationships. Gretchen has this painting about the affair that 14 and 90 had behind 215’s back. It is...intense.”

“Wait, Bean Boy Ben talks?” Eggsy joked. “I’ve heard like three sentences from him about how I just need to accept the event horizon.” Merlin was quiet. “Merlin?”

“He said that?”

“Yeah, figured it was a weird taco fugue state,” Eggsy replied. “Why?”

“The train is arrived, Eggsy,” was Merlin’s reply. “Have a good visit.” And he was gone.

Eggsy looked over and sure enough there was the train. He hurried over and wished he was a little taller, like Merlin or Harry. The crowd thinned and he saw them. “Mum! Daisy!” he shouted and soon he had his arms full of Daisy and she was babbling so quickly he couldn’t keep up. “Oh my days, how big have you gotten?” Skype didn’t do justice to how much she had grown the last few months.

“I’m all grown. Super big,” Daisy told him.

“I can see that,” he said. He looked at his mum who looked so healthy. Her hair was done and she wasn’t sallow. He handed her the flowers. “Hiya,” he said.

“Come here,” Michelle said and pulled him into a tight hug. “Missed you, Eggsy.”

“Missed you too,” he agreed. He held her close for another moment. “Now then, let’s head to my flat yeah?”

“Hungry,” Daisy said. 

“I have food at home,” Eggsy said and froze when great gulping sobs broke out of Daisy. “Mum?”

“She’s just fussy from travel. Mummy has goldfish crackers that you can snack on in the car,” Michelle reminded her. “You have a child seat right?”

“Yup, rented the one you suggested,” Eggsy said.

“Thanks, luv. A lot easier on me to not have had to brought it.” Michelle had the luggage. “Daisy go with your brother ok?”

“You carry me,” she said.

“No, darling this will go a lot easier if your brother does it.”

“NO.” Daisy fell to the floor and sat there glaring at them.

“Okay,” Eggsy said easily. “We’ll just hang out here and you won’t see the bag of magic little girl fun a friend put together for you for the visit. Made by the same people that let me send all those Peppa toys to you.”

“Just kidding!” Daisy quickly said and hopped up worried if she continued that the treats might disappear. Eggsy stifled a laugh and carried her out to the car. He had borrowed a sedan from the Kingsman and there was a car seat in the back waiting. Michelle strapped Daisy in and soon they were off. 

“You been missing London, Mum?” Eggsy asked as he drove.

“No,” she said. Eggsy wondered why that hurt so much. “You set us up in a wonderful place, Eggsy,” she continued. “Daisy is flourishing. I like my job, even making some real nice friends.” Michelle looked out the window. “Happy, luv.”

“I’m glad,” Eggsy said and his hands tightened on the wheel a bit. “I’m off work for your visit so whatever you want to do is on the table.”

“Parks. Ducks. Ice cream.”

“Well your priorities are very clear,” Eggsy joked. “I have a list of places that are supposed to be fun for Daisy.”

“Awww did you go to one of those 10 activities to do in London articles?” Michelle teased fondly.

“Sort of,” Eggsy replied. “I know a guy who knows everything in town for little girls to. Including a fancy dress princess tea party,” Eggsy says a little louder and he grins when he hears Daisy’s gasp. “Oh does that interest you?”

“Yes!!!!” Daisy shouted.

Eggsy is well pleased with himself. “Good thing I booked you a table at it then isn’t it?”

“Bestest Eggsy,” Daisy crowed.

“You didn’t spend too much did you?” Michelle whispered.

“You two deserve a little spoiling,” Eggsy answered. “Maybe got you a mani and pedi booked while I take Dais to this tea.”

“Sweetest boy,” Michelle said. They arrived at the flat and Eggsy got them settled in and ordered some pizza and Daisy was exhausted from travelling and crashed hard. Eggsy carried her to the cot that he had borrowed from Merlin and goes back to the kitchen where his mum is typing away at her phone. 

“Beer?” he asked.

“Love one thanks. Just sending a message to a couple of the girls,” Michelle said. “Be nice to see them for an afternoon while visiting. Give you and Daisy a little time alone.”

“Sure,” Eggsy agreed. “Know you must miss your friends.”

“Oh, Eggsy, we miss you too, desperately,” Michelle promised.

“Course you do.”

Michelle reached out and touched his hand. “We do. In my luggage I have about 100 pictures she’s drawn for you. And I miss our late night chats. Sometimes I wake up and make a cuppa and put out two mugs and then remember how far away you are.”

“Thanks, Mum. Miss you two so much, but glad the new place is good.” Eggsy looked sad. “How is JB?”

“He is wonderful. He and Daisy are so close and oh my is he a fierce little fellow. She was playing at the park one day and another boy threw sand at her and whoosh JB was in front of Daisy growling like he were a dog triple his size. He sleeps in her bed every night, even if I’ve tried to keep him out.”

“Good, that’s good,” Eggsy said. It had hurt him so much to send JB with them, but he wanted them to have a bit of protection and JB was a bit of an idiot but very well trained. “Knew they’d be fast friends.”

“It was a big deal, you doing that for her.”

“Not really,” Eggsy said.

“I know you don’t think I see the sacrifices you have made for us. But I promise I do. I am doing right by your sister. And I can do that because of everything you’ve done for us.” Michelle gripped his hand tight. “Thank you, Eggsy.”

“It’s nothing, Mum.” And he utterly means it.

Michelle gave a small nod and then took a sip of beer. “Now to the important stuff. You seeing anyone Eggsy?”

“No Mum, bit too busy to date.”

“No one? Not a single person has caught your eye?”

Eggsy opened his mouth to deny it and his phone beeped. Merlin sent him links to a bunch of coupons for indoor playgrounds and children's activities at museums. He grinned to himself and Michelle noticed how happy the smile was.

“Who’s that message from then?” Michelle was very curious because she had seldom seen that smile on her son’s face.

“Hmmm?” Eggsy was typing a message back. “Oh my mate, Hamish,” he said. “He’s the one who dimed me onto the tea I booked, and he just sent a bunch of coupons for stuff Dais might enjoy. He’s where all the Peppa crap came from.”

“Big Peppa pig fan is he?”

“His daughters were, but outgrew it a bit,” Eggsy explained. “Oooh the aquarium. Clara loves it, Dais might like it.”

“Clara?”

“One of the girls. She’s 8.”

“How many daughters does your friend have?” Michelle pressed. A man with a couple young girls could be good for Eggsy, he adored children. Not just Daisy, but at the estate he picked up money babysitting before Dean found out and said all sorts of horrible things.

“Hamish? Five girls. 23 to 6.”

Michelle blinked. “Well then. That is quite a range.”

Eggsy frowned. “Is it? Just think of them as the Young girls. Hehe makes them sound like a music group. First couple are his, rest are adopted.”

“His poor wife must be so busy,” Michelle said.

“Susan? They divorced like 15 years ago,” Eggsy replied. “Hamish is single.”

“Is he? Bit old though, musty sort. Balding pot belly?” Michelle pressed for details because there was something in Eggsy’s tone.

Eggsy laughed. “I mean, yeah, he’s old. 50,” he said.

“Oi. that isn’t so far away for me, you know.”

“I know, though you don’t look a day over 40,” Eggsy said. “And he’s bald but no pot belly. Hang on.” Eggsy went to his photo gallery. “Here, a couple pictures of him.”

“Why do you have pictures of a coworker?”

“He actually got in a pinata for one taco night, was really fun. For those scrawny arms Bean Boy Ben can swing a bat.”

Now Michelle was lost. “Bean Boy Ben?”

“Gretchen’s boyfriend, he’s sort of bonded with me. I think. I don’t know, hard to tell. He doesn’t talk a lot. But think he considers me solidarity against the Youngs. And now Roxy is in the mix, dating Audra, Hamish’s oldest. Good to have a team to stand against the Youngs, only way you survive. Ben’s the only one who has movie picking power yet and the bastard never tries to veto. Soon as I get that power. Whammo, we are watching Singin in the Rain.”

“So you are dating...Hamish then?” Michelle was confused because Eggsy was talking like she would understand all this but before this moment she hadn’t heard any of these names.

“No, Mum, told you currently single. Went on a date but she wasn’t as interesting as tacos.”

“Hmm.”

“What?” Eggsy was confused. He handed over his phone. “There’s Hamish and the girls.”

“Lord above, that is a good looking man,” Michelle said. “And a good dad? Care to give me his number?” she joked.

“No, mine,” Eggsy snapped. He blinked. “I just mean…” he couldn’t finish the sentence because he honestly wasn’t sure what he meant. “Uh...long distance are hard relationships and he’s really busy with work and his girls. And he said his ex ruined him for women, he only dates men these days.”

“What sort of men?”

“Dunno. He’s not dated anyone that I know of, not since we started hanging out more.”

“I wonder why that is?” Michelle asked.

“Like I said he’s real busy,” Eggsy protested. “He could date if he wanted. Anyone would be a lucky bastard to have him.”

“Later tonight, I want you to replay this conversation in your head. And then tell me again tomorrow how you aren’t interested in anyone okay?” Michelle finished her beer. “Shouldn’t let Daisy sleep too long or we are in for a world of hurt later tonight.”

“He’s just Hamish,” Eggsy called after her. His mum didn’t respond. Eggsy looked down at his phone and there were a dozen pictures of Merlin on it. But you always took selfies and photos when you hang out with friends. “He’s just Merlin,” Eggsy said to himself.

********************************************

Merlin opened his door and saw a very pretty and very pissed off tiny princess and a very flustered Eggsy. He gave a deep bow. “Hello your majesty, you honour my home with your presence. How may I help you?”

Daisy glared. “I demand more biscuits.”

“And I said you ate your weight in them at the tea,” Eggsy repeated. He was in his Kingsman suit and his tie was crooked and had some jam on them.

“More,” Daisy said. “You don’t love me.”

Eggsy almost dropped her in shock and completely shattered. 

Merlin took Daisy from his arms. “Go sit in the gardens in the back, take a break,” he told Eggsy. “Now little one, I think ye and I need to have a talk while Eggsy looks at flowers.”

“With biscuits?”

“No, but ye can have a glass of water or milk.”

“I hate you,” Daisy said.

“Daisy that’s rude,” Eggsy said and reached for her. She just screamed and Eggsy flinched.

“Go to the garden’s lad,” Merlin said. 

Eggsy nodded and went to the back and sat in his chair and stared at all the pots of flowers. He could hear Daisy screaming inside. He saw Gretchen coming with a bag from the garage.

“Hey, Eggsy,” she said and then could hear the screams. “Shit that is a tantrum and a half.”

“My little sister. We were having fun, like the most fun ever. And then we didn’t meet up with Mum, and she just lost it.”

“Overwhelmed, fighting tired, and change in expectation equals screams,” Gretchen said well versed in this sort of situation. They listened and the screams had stopped. “Don’t worry, Da’s got this. And I’ve got class.”

“Hey saw one of your maths sculptures at the train station. You’re bloody brilliant.”

“Course I am,” Gretchen grinned. “You two staying for dinner?”

“Don’t want to impose,” Eggsy said.

She just snorted at him. “Like you are an imposition. Audra’s got something in slow cookers. You know Da will tell you to stay. He likes it when you are here.”

“Well being here is pretty great,” Eggsy said.

Gretchen rolled her eyes at him and gave a wave and disappeared. Eggsy soothed himself with the gardens a little more and then it was still so quiet inside that he got a little worried. He went silently inside and could see Merlin cuddling Daisy in the drawing room. Eggsy sat on the ground to not be noticed.

“Life is very big isn’t it, little one?” Merlin said softly.

“Uh-huh,” she agreed.

“And you were having a lot of fun with your brother, weren’t you?” Merlin continued. “And you wanted to tell your mummy all about it and then she wasn’t where she was supposed to be. And that is scary isn’t it? Even when with your brother who loves you very much.”

“Mummy didn’t see my dress,” Daisy was getting ready to wail all over again.

“She’s coming back,” Merlin promised. “You aren’t being abandoned or forgotten. That has happened a lot, even if you don’t remember it, and it made your brain think too many things didn’t it?”

“I dunno,” Daisy said.

“I do, I’m a Da you know, it’s my job to figure out little girl’s brains. She’ll come home to you. And Eggsy, he might not live with you, be there as much as you want, but he loves you very much. And he’ll always be there when you need him.”

“He leaves.”

“Aye, lass, but he is the sort to always come home,” Merlin replied. “Some people leave and leave and leave. And some people just go away for a bit. There is a difference.”

“If he loved me -”

“No,” Merlin said firmly. “No, that lass I will not allow, because you know your brother cares for you more than anything. He moved ye to Wales, to give you the best life possible. And his job keeps him from visiting as much as he would like. But never, ever, say words along those lines.”

“Okay,” she said and leaned against him. “I’m sorry.”

“I know and I thank you for the apology. Emotions are awfully big and sometimes explode out of you. But saying sorry, and meaning it and giving people hugs will often fix those feels bombs that come out of 3 year olds.” Merlin looked over at Eggsy. “Isn’t that right Eggsy?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Eggsy agreed not surprised in the least that Merlin had known he was there.

“Eggsy!” Daisy slid off Merlin’s lap. She hurried over and collapsed against her brother. “I’m sorry.”

He held her tight and kissed her head. “I’m sorry too. I love you Daisy.”

“I love you too,” she said. “I don’t need another biscuit the whole visit,” she promised and Merlin and Eggsy had to laugh at that giant promise.

“I’ll remember that,” Eggsy said. “Thanks, Hamish,” Eggsy whispered. He had been so overwhelmed when Daisy had flamed out and everyone had been staring and him and all he could think was that Merlin would know what to do and a quick text revealed that Merlin was actually at home and Eggsy bolted for the house, Daisy screaming at him the whole time. “We’ll get out of your hair.”

“Stay,” Merlin said. “How about we go up to the family room and watch a movie? Or some Peppa?”

“Peppa would be good,” Daisy said.

“There we go,” Merlin agreed and the three went upstairs. He pulled out some colouring supplies for Daisy and put a dvd on. “We’re just going to be in the room next door for a moment, okay?”

“Uh-huh,” Daisy said and picked up a mess free marker and began to colour mickey mouse’s face purple.

Merlin unlocked his office and pulled Eggsy in and closed the door. “And how are you?”

Eggsy slumped against Merlin’s desk and pressed his palms to his eyes. “Fuck, guv, how have you done this with five girls? I couldn’t handle one tantrum.”

“Because ye are unused to them. Visits to the trenches versus living in them, different skill sets,” Merlin said. “You did nothing wrong.”

“I coulda given her another biscuit.”

“No, because even though this is vacation and certain indulgences are wonderful, you knew not to give in to a tantrum.” Merlin went over and put his hands on Eggsy’s shoulders. “You did well.”

“Give me a building with 20 guys wanting to kill me over one crying 3 year old.”

“Give me the crying three year old over the 20 guys,” Merlin replied.

“But you could handle that fine,” Eggsy said.

“And ye could have handled the tantrum fine.”

“Clearly not,” Eggsy muttered. “Showed up here didn’t I?”

“But if I was unavailable you would have handled it and handled it well,” Merlin reassured him. “Now that is long enough for a little girl to be alone in a strange environment.” Merlin opened the door and they went out and Daisy was asleep on her colouring page. “Leave her for an episode, she needs the rest.”

“By the way, feels bombs?” Eggsy said softly.

“How else would you describe it?” 

“Fair enough,” Eggsy agreed.

“Watch Peppa, I’ll make you a cuppa.” Merlin went to the stairs.

“Merlin?” Eggsy said softly. 

“Aye?”

“Thanks for being there. For being you, yeah?”

“Anything for you, Eggsy,” Merlin said and hurried downstairs.

Eggsy felt those words settle in his heart and wondered why they hit him so hard. Perhaps because no one had said them to him before.

Daisy had a wonderful time at dinner with the family, surrounded by most of the girls. Gretchen had late classes and Bethany was sleeping over at a friends. Daisy loved all the attention and then playing hide and seek with Clara and Lacey.

Finally Eggsy told Daisy it was time to leave and Daisy ran and gave Merlin a huge hug and wet kiss. “Thank you,” she said.

“You are welcome anytime, your majesty,” Merlin promised.

Eggsy picked her up and gave a nod to Merlin and a wave to the girls. He got Daisy in the car and drove them home, Daisy babbling about the girls the whole time. Michelle was actually in the flat watching telly. “Shit, Mum, woulda texted you if I thought you’d be back.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “Turns out don’t have much in common with the girls anymore. They wanted to get blitzed and I don’t ever have more than two drinks. So came home. It was nice to have a little quiet. Did you two have fun?”

“Mummy, Eggsy’s boyfriend has all the girls and is nice and sings Disney songs and we played hide and seek and and and and it was the best.” Daisy ran over and cuddled her mum. “And I’m a princess.”

“I see that.”

“Daisy he isn’t my boyfriend,” Eggsy corrected.

“But he touches you and smiles at you,” Daisy protested. “And you smile at him and touch him. That’s how love starts in Beauty and the Beast. Has he given you a book room yet?”

Michelle looked at the dumbfounded look on Eggsy’s face. “How about a bath for the princess? Bought some bath bombs at the spa I was at.”

“Yay!” Daisy ran for the bathroom.

Eggsy sat slowly on the couch and stared at the wall. His brain helpfully put all the pieces together that he had been trying to ignore.

Eventually his mum came out and put a beer in his hand.

“Mum?”

“Yes, darling?”

“I like Hamish.”

“Really? I am very shocked,” Michelle replied.

“Oh holy fuck, I like Hamish,” Eggsy whispered and leaned his head back against his sofa. “What am I going to do?”

Michelle pat her son’s hand. “Consider asking him out?”

Eggsy shook his head. “Can’t. I can’t risk that. He doesn’t like me like that. No, I’ll just get over liking the best person ever and we’ll be friends.”

“Okay, then. You make sure to let me know how that turns out,” Michelle said, trying not to laugh at her son too much. She kissed his head and left him on the couch trying to deal with the most earth shattering realization of his life.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this took a wee turn. sorry for the feels.

Roxy looked at Audra. “Sure I can’t convince you to come back to mine?” They were in Roxy’s car outside Audra’s house. “I have a very comfy bed.”

“So do I,” Audra said. “Memory foam.” She leaned over and kissed Roxy hard. “One night, just not this night. Besides it is my morning to get everyone up and about.”

“What would Merlin do without you?”

“He would cope,” Audra said sharply. “He doesn’t overly rely on me. I like helping with the girls.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Roxy said quickly.

“Sorry, bit of a sore spot with a previous girlfriend,” Audra replied. She gave Roxy a softer kiss. “You are away for a couple weeks right?”

“I am,” Roxy looked a little worried. “I’ll be -”

Audra cut her off quickly. “Don’t. Don’t reassure me. Good hunting, agent.”

“Bye, Audra.” Roxy watched her get out of the car and instead of going around to the garage she went into the house. But Merlin’s office light was on and it often wasn’t when she dropped Audra off. Roxy waited until she was inside and drove off.

Audra went to the kitchen and put on the kettle. She texted up to her da to see what he wanted and a couple minutes later he was in the kitchen. “Sleepy time, or Scottish Breakfast?”

“Do we have any of that one Gretchen likes?” Merlin asked.

Audra checked the cupboard and pulled out the decaf chocolate hazelnut tea. “Tea should not taste like chocolate.”

“Shut up and make me one,” Merlin grumpled. He sat on the counter.

Audra put a bag in a cup and found a lemon green tea for herself. She looked at him. He looked off. “Work?” She hopped up on the counter next to him while they waited for the kettle.

He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

“Liar,” she replied. “It’s a whole lot of something.”

“Aye, it is. But I’ll bother Uncle Harry with it,” Merlin said.

“Liar,” she repeated. “You’ll ignore whatever it is as long as you can.”

“I should have dropped ye on your head more when you were a baby. A smart child, and a smart ass one, is a heavy burden for a father.” The kettle screamed and he went down and poured water into their tea cups and moved them closer. They stared at the mugs and two minutes later both threw the tea bags into the sink to be forgotten until the morning. They sat on the counter and clutched the mugs, a mirror of each other. Susan one night had taken a photo of them like that and it was a prized photo by all three. “I have a personal problem,” he said finally. “I’ll get over it.”

“Medical?” she asked a little worried.

“No,” Merlin answered. He moved the mug to watch the tea move back and forth. “I like Eggsy.” When Audra didn’t respond he looked at her and saw the shock on her face. “I know, I was surprised too.”

“No,” she said, dumbfounded. “I didn’t think you would figure that out for months.”

“I beg your pardon?” It was Merlin’s turn to be shocked. “What do you mean?”

“Dad it’s been obvious for a couple months now that you like Eggsy,” she said. “Come on, he’s at taco night.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” he tried to protest.

“Jesus thank god you aren’t Pinocchio,” Audra muttered. “Your nose would be longer than it already is.”

“Ye have my nose you know,” he said.

“Yes but I make it cute,” she replied. “What clued you in? How much you touch each other? Taco night? The texts?”

“Ben,” Merlin said. “Eggsy mentioned that Ben told him to accept the event horizon.”

“Wow,” Audra said. “Ben coming through on emotion? Weird.” She sipped her tea. “But at least you now know you like each other. You can go on a proper date now.”

Merlin gave her a look. “I like him yes, but that doesn’t mean the feeling is returned.”

“Do not,” she said. “You can’t be that dumb, Da.”

“Darling, I know you think I am perfect but -”

“I really don’t,” she said. “Dad, you are so far from perfect. Look at the being a moron about Eggsy right now.”

“My point is, that there is no way a man like Eggsy would return my feelings.”

Audra was stunned. “Da, Ben told him to accept the event horizon. That means Eggsy has feelings.”

“No, that was just Ben trying to warn Eggsy about my feelings. Maybe push us together, but that doesn’t work when Eggsy isn’t interested.”

Audra debated smashing her da’s head into the cupboard next to him. “Why wouldn’t Eggsy like you?”

“I know he likes me,” Merlin said. “As a coworker, as a friend. He likes the feeling of family he gets with us. But it isn’t more than that. I am sure he considers me more like a big brother or uncle.”

“Wow,” Audra said. Her dad was an idiot. “Da,” she began.

“He is only three years older than you. He would make sense more for you and Gretchen, if you weren’t a lesbian and Gretchen hadn’t found her soulmate at 17.” Merlin laughed. “He’s bedded a princess.”

“You’ve bedded one of the smartest scientists in the world,” Audra said. “Pretty sure that who you were with once upon a time doesn’t really affect whether you want to date now.” Audra looked at him. “Does the age difference bother you?”

“It does,” Merlin replied. “I’m twice his age, Audy. Right now it wouldn’t matter a great deal but it would in another ten, fifteen years.”

“So you can see a long term future with him,” Audra pointed out.

“I can see forever in him,” Merlin said. “And to him, I fill the hole left by his mum and Daisy being in Wales and I bring him home alive. Gratitude and friendship do nae equal more.”

“They could,” she pressed.

Merlin kissed her forehead and put his barely drunk tea in the sink. “Focus on your relationship my love, I am fine with a solitary existence. Besides, I learned long ago, I am not the sort people give their heart to.”

Audra loved her mother fiercely but sometimes she hated what she did to their father’s heart. “Eggsy isn’t Mum.”

“No, but still. I’ll nae burden him with my feelings. They’ll pass soon enough.” Merlin gave her knee an extra pat. “Night Audy, may the shining stars light the way of your dreams.”

“Night, Da,” she said and finished her tea and put the mug in the sink. She went out back to the garage where Gretchen was sketching and face timing with Ben. “Da thinks Eggsy could never like him.”

“Bye Ben,” Gretchen said and hung up on him without waiting for a response. “Did Da hit his head? Eggsy is nuts for him.”

“Age difference, work, Mum,” Audra listed. “Probably a few other stupid things in there. I kinda tuned out the excuses a little.”

“Ugh, why are boys so dumb?” Gretchen groaned.

“Ben isn’t dumb,” Audra said.

“Yes he is. He’s just my sort of dumb,” Gretchen said. She flipped the page in her sketchbook. “Right we need a list. A make Da see the light sort of list. What would people do in a movie?”

“Lock them together in a room. Send them to a restaurant where they end up being the only two there. Ummm, some weird save their life situation?” Audra shrugged. “Magic spell?”

“Do you ever think we watch too much Disney?” Gretchen asked. “Because honestly magic spell seems like the best option. They’d sniff out the other plans in two seconds.”

“Da was sad, Gretch,” Audra sat on her bed, “his heart hurts.”

Gretchen looked at the notes she was making. “His heart hurts a lot, more than we notice. That’s the problem when you have one as big as his.” She doodled a little. “Mum…”

“Yeah, I know,” Audra said. “Mum.”

Both girls nodded a little and thought about the situation.

“We push it all falls apart,” Audra said finally.

“So we nudge,” Gretchen said. “They sit beside each other on taco night. We let Eggsy pick a movie!”

“Too soon, it would be suspicious.”

“Not if it was when he came home from a mission, he would just think it a welcome home treat.”

“Not bad,” Audra agreed. “Subtle comments. Make Da wear t-shirts and not all his layers. People always check him out and he never notices.”

Gretchen nodded. “Uncle Harry can help at work. Don’t know how, but he’ll think of something.”

“Yeah,” Audra agreed. She changed into pajamas. “We’ll get them sorted.”

“Eggsy likes Da,” Gretchen put her sketchbook down. “We just need them to realize. Next taco night, we’ll start nudging.”

***********************************************

Merlin looked at his phone and nodded to himself and went back to cooking. Gretchen was chopping things up. “Who was that Da?”

“Eggsy, something came up and he cannae make it tonight,” Merlin said. He put the burners all on low. “I’ll be back in a minute.” He left the kitchen in a hurry. Gretchen went over and stirred the ground beef and then the veggies. When Merlin returned he gave her a hug. “Thanks, Bunny.”

“Just work, right?” she asked.

Merlin shrugged. “He merely said something came up.” He looked at her. “I know Ben or Audy told you. He just is taking a little space to let me know to keep my distance. It is understandable.”

“Da -”

“I’m sure he’ll be back in a couple weeks and I’ll have it all under control by then. It is a good friendship and I’ll nae see it lost. Now then chop those tomatoes.” Merlin looked at the ground beef and took the pan over and threw the contents out. “Feeling more like chicken anyways tonight.”

“Chicken is great,” Gretchen said. “Bawk bawk.” She bit her lip when her dad didn’t laugh. She said she had to wee and made sure to warn all the girls not to bring up Eggsy at dinner. She then texted Uncle Harry to murder Eggsy. That would sort it out.

*************************

Eggsy stared at the phone, at Merlin’s message. _Very well. See you at work_.

It was good, fine. He’d take a week or two to button down his feelings, get over them. He would hate to make Merlin feel awkward or put him in the position of telling Eggsy to bugger off.

A couple weeks to sort himself and it would be fine. They’d all be fine.

His body craved Mexican so he went out and got a burrito. He brought it home, ate one bite and threw it out and had some toast for dinner.

Eggsy wondered what the movie was that night.

The kids didn’t say a word when Merlin didn’t sing even a note of the songs in Lady and the Tramp.


	15. Chapter 15

“Now then Galahad, we need to talk about your requisition forms,” Merlin said when Eggsy stopped by his office at the requested time.

“Ugh,” Eggsy groaned. He sat across from Merlin. “I filled them out.”

“Aye. But I need something a little more accurate than ‘a fuckton of bullets’ and ‘I dunno a bunch of other shit’,” Merlin gave him a look, “if you don’t make yourself clearer and write a proper report and nae a Harry Hart special, I will send ye out in the field with shit indeed.”

“You love me too much to do that,” Eggsy joked. He froze for a moment terrified that Merlin would read the wish in the statement, that he’d be repulsed seeing Eggsy’s feelings spilling out.

But Merlin just rolled his eyes. “Yes, Galahad, my heart overflows with feeling for you,” he said dryly.

Eggsy tried to laugh at the sarcastic words, like the dryness of hearing what he dreamed of didn’t break him into a thousand pieces. “Look you know I like to wing it in the field, I can’t give you decent numbers.”

“Ye do nae wing it as much as you think,” Merlin said and tapped his board. His summary of what Eggsy had used on his last 5 missions was up on the wall. “Now then we can see a pattern in your tastes.” He was ruthless and efficient and showed that Eggsy was more a creature of habit than he realized. “There is your list of variables, in the end.”

Eggsy stared at the footage and data on the screen all compiled and completely accurate. “Damn, Merlin, how much time did you spend studying me?”

“A great deal,” Merlin answered.

Eggsy yearned for Merlin to study him like that outside of the job. “Okay, so you are right, doesn’t mean I’m going to fill out that paperwork correctly, it just doesn’t make sense to me.”

“Some Kingsman filing takes longer to get the hang of than others. Your after action reports are among the best I receive,” Merlin praised and Eggsy tried not to respond too much to that. “I can help ye get the hang of it.” Merlin pulled up a clean report and walked Eggsy through it carefully.

“That helped,” Eggsy said after a bit.

“Excellent,” Merlin said. “Ye leave for South Africa in ten days, I expect you can have a better report submitted 72 hours before your mission.”

“Yes, Merlin,” Eggsy said. “We good?”

“For work, yes,” Merlin put down his clipboard. “I...have a request of a personal nature. I understand if you are busy this Sunday.”

“Was gonna maybe watch the game with Jamal, but that is an evening match,” Eggsy said.

“Bethany has a brunch on Sunday, that is very important to her. She wants Leia at Hoth hair, and you taught me some, but that is well beyond my capabilities, and I know your free time is your own, but it would be greatly appreciated and -”

“Merlin, yeah, I can come over and do Bethany’s hair,” Eggsy had to cut off the rambling. He wasn’t sure he had ever heard Merlin ramble before.

“Thank you,” Merlin said. He winced a little. “I should warn you that the girls might be a little...cold. They’ve missed you the last two weeks.”

The girls, not Merlin, Eggsy thought. “Been busy, you know how it is.”

“Of course,” Merlin replied. “Bethany and I need to be there at 11, leave at 10:30.”

“Leia at Hoth?” Eggsy thought about it. “Going to need at least an hour.”

“I’ll provide coffee and bagels,” Merlin offered. “And I’d be happy to compensate you for your time.”

Eggsy felt his jaw tighten. “You don’t pay friends for favours, bruv,” he said, the words biting.

Merlin tilted his head. “My apologies. Thank you, Eggsy. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

“Sure,” Eggsy agreed. That gave him a few days to prep. Merlin was so soft at home, with the girls and it melted his heart. He needed to make sure he didn’t make bloody gooey eyes at the man.

Merlin turned to his computer and heard Eggsy leave. He hung his head a little and sighed. Eggsy clearly knew Merlin liked him and didn’t return the feelings and it was making everything awkward. He needed to regain control of himself before he ruined the friendship that had been built.

*****************************************

“Hey buttface,” Gretchen said when she opened the door.

“Hi?” Eggsy said.

“You are a fucking idiot,” she replied. She walked away but left the door open. 

“Swear jar!” Eggsy shouted after her.

“Eat ass,” she called back.

“Dude,” Eggsy was shocked and looked around to make sure none of the younger girls were around but he could hear thumping so they were likely in the family room. Eggsy went to the kitchen where Gretchen was finishing Bethany’s nails.

“So Leia at Hoth?” Eggsy asked her.

“I am disappointed in you,” Bethany said.

“Wow. Okay? I’m sorry?” Eggsy had no idea what was going on. “Sorry I missed a couple taco nights but -”

“No, you are disappointingly blind, but you do good braids and I need to look perfect today,” Bethany explained. “I get to wear a little bit of lipstick - it is that important.”

“What’s this brunch? You meeting the queen?” Eggsy joked.

“No,” Bethany said but didn’t elaborate further. “My nails look really pretty Gretchen.” 

“Thanks, sweetie,” Gretchen carefully finished up. “Remember if Da asks, did it with nail polish, not permanent marker.”

“I know,” Bethany smiled at her nails which were painted different colours with a little of the periodic table on each one. “You can have a bagel, Eggsy. Daddy bought you everything, like how you like.”

Eggsy went over and saw the bagels and toasted one. “Cream cheese?”

“Chive for you on the shelf,” Gretchen said and finished the last nail. “Give them a minute sweetie before you go up.”

Bethany stared at her nails intently. “Thank you, Gretchen.”

“Always,” Gretchen kissed her head. “Will you need help later with the lipstick?”

“Audy can help me, she wears more makeup than you,” Bethany said.

“She’s busy helping Da,” Gretchen explained.

“Why?” Bethany asked.

Gretchen smiled at her. “Because you asked him and he wants to be perfect for you.”

“Really?” Bethany gave the biggest smile Eggsy had ever seen on her.

“Really. This is sorta a big deal to him.”

“Neat,” Bethany said. “Are they dry enough?”

“Should be, marker quicker than nail polish,” Gretchen said. “Go on.” Bethany hopped down and ran upstairs. Gretchen looked at Eggsy. “Eat the damn bagel.”

Eggsy managed a few bites and couldn’t finish. “I should go do her hair.” He threw out the last bit of food.

“So much waste,” Gretchen muttered. “Look…” she began. Eggsy looked at her, and she could read him so easily. “Just...come back, okay?”

“Sure,” he agreed. 

“Liar.”

“I need to go Hoth it up,” Eggsy said and went upstairs. Merlin’s door was closed and he thought he could hear Merlin and Audra speaking. He walked down the hall a little and the bathroom door was open. Bethany was laying out hair spray and bobby pins and elastics. “I think it will look very pretty on you.”

“I do too,” Bethany agreed. She sat on the stool in front of the mirror. Eggsy went over and began to brush her hair. He hummed a little as he made sure there were no tangles and started to braid. He began to pin it up and she looked so sweet. It took a while her hair fine, and her scalp sensitive but he was very careful.

“You didn’t say, why is this brunch so important?”

“It’s a father daughter brunch with the girl guides,” Bethany said softly. “It’s the first time I’ve asked Da to do one of these. I’m getting an award.”

“That’s pretty important,” Eggsy agreed. “Close your eyes,” he said and sprayed the shit out of her hair. “You have a pretty dress?”

“Prettiest,” she agreed. 

“Check it out,” he said and stepped back a little.

She smiled. “It’s perfect, Eggsy. You aren’t a disappointment.”

“No, you nailed that one,” Eggsy said. “That’s sort of my thing.”

Bethany looked at him in the mirror. “Daddy doesn’t think so. He thinks you’re loverly.”

“Lovely,” he corrected surprised she would mess up such a simple word.

“No, he said loverly,” she repeated. “He was very specific in his pronunciation.” She got off the stool. “You can go downstairs. You’ll stay to see my big reveal?”

“I gotta…”

“Eggsy,” Bethany sighed and gave him a look that was a perfect copy of Merlin’s done with your shit look. “Go sit and wait.”

“Yes ma’am,” Eggsy agreed and went downstairs. Clara and Lacey were in the living room chasing each other around the furniture. They stopped when they saw him and immediately began to fake cry.

“What did we do wrong?” Clara sobbed. She was actually squeezing a tear out.

“Why don’t you like us anymore?” Lacey shouted. She couldn’t quite get the water works going and just scrunched her face tight. She then peaked and saw Eggsy just smirking at them. “Can’t you pretend to buy it?” she asked.

“You should have been sitting here all glum and sad not running around,” Eggsy suggested. “You can’t just sell it when you see the mark, you have to sell it all the time.” He sat down and they crawled up on the couch with him.

“Uncle Harry says that when we play pretend with him,” Clara replied. “One time I convinced a lady I was French.”

“Not bad,” he said. He turned his head when Lacey poked him. “Yes love?”

“Daddy checks the window lots for you on taco night, just in case you change your mind and like us again and show up late.”

Eggsy was done for. Fuck the girls were killing him, and dammit he had missed them too. He pulled Lacey into his lap. “Love, I was busy.”

Clara glared at him. “Lie. I had Bethany make me a lie detector, I’m hooking you up to it. It might kill you, but I’ll get the truth.”

“Jesus you are going to be the worst boss ever,” Eggsy said. But he gave her hair a soft stroke. “I was busy. I could have made myself unbusy though.”

Clara looked at him. “That might be the truth. But I’m mad at you.”

“Would a Clara bag from the sweets shop make up for it?"

“Damn you, you know my own weakness,” Clara raised a fist to the heaven’s and Eggsy laughed. 

“You sing nice,” Lacey said. “And we all like you. A lot.”

“I like you too, so much,” he promised.

“So you’ll be unbusy for taco night?” Lacey pressed.

“I’ll try,” was all he could say.

Gretchen and Audra came in. “Okay they are coming. Da got a little weepy at how grown up Bethany looks and needed a moment. He’s like that the first time one of us gets to wear makeup.”

“It’s barely makeup,” Gretchen said. “It’s tinted lip balm.”

“He’s a softee,” Audra said. She glared at Eggsy.

“Not you too, I miss a couple taco nights and all of a sudden you want me brought up at the Hague?” Eggsy glared right back.

“Boys,” Audra was clearly disgusted. “This? This is why I date girls. That and they smell better.”

“Why do people keep saying that? Do I smell?” 

Lacey sniffed him. “No? You used apple shampoo.”

“Apple makes me happy.” Eggsy couldn’t explain why, just recently he liked the smell of apples more.

“It’s the one Daddy uses,” Clara said. “Or well, he uses a body wash that smells like apples.”

“And he smells great,” Eggsy said. He froze when four girls stared at him. “Wot?” He sank into the cushions. “Just saying, he doesn’t smell gross.”

“He does after we work on the garden. The next door neighbour likes it when Daddy is dirty and sweaty and takes his shirt off. She spies over the wall and then fans herself in a way that wouldn’t cool you down,” Clara explained. “I think that means she is worried about Daddy getting heatstroke.”

Gretchen snorted. “Yeah, sweetie, that’s it exactly.”

“Why does she say ‘Ohhh Daddy’ when she does it?” Lacey asked. “Does she miss her daddy?”

“Do I hear Bethany and your Da?” Eggsy asked. He would face Valentine’s bunker again happily before explaining that one. Luckily Bethany and Merlin were coming down the stairs.

“Wow,” Eggsy said.

“Bethany, you look so pretty!” Lacey said.

Bethany was wearing a blue dress with flowers embroidered along the hem, and a small bit of pink lip gloss on her bow lips. Eggsy thought she looked sweet. But that wasn’t what caused the wow. Merlin’s head and cheek had the closest shave he had ever seen them have and he was in a proper three piece suit. Kingsman for sure, but so different from what they wore in the field. Merlin looked, he looked bloody amazing was all Eggsy’s brain could come up with because no other words would suit.

“Pictures,” Audra said, and holy shit if Merlin didn’t pull out a pocket watch to check if there was time.

“Just a couple,” Merlin said. “Cannae have Bethany late.” They moved in front of the fire place and Audra took a few and Eggsy choked on his breath at the soft smile Merlin had as he looked down at Bethany. “Darling go get your jacket, bit of a nip in the air.” 

Bethany nodded and went to get her coat all the girls trailing after her.

“I look like a moron,” Merlin said.

“You don’t,” Eggsy replied. He couldn’t believe Merlin was saying that.

“Suits don’t suit me,” Merlin said. “But this is important to Bethany, so I let Audra pick and I ended up in this. I feel absurd.”

“Guv, you are anything but,” Eggsy promised. He went over and adjusted Merlin’s tie just a little, just to be near. He could take this small thing for himself. Merlin smelled of aftershave. And just a hint of apple. “You look brilliant.”

“Bethany’s hair is perfect. She is perfect.” Merlin looked at Eggsy and Eggsy saw that smile again, and was sure it was because Merlin was thinking about Bethany. “Thank you.”

“Sure, anytime,” Eggsy said. “See you at the office yeah? Have that form almost done for you.” 

“I have no doubt it will be an interesting read,” Merlin replied. 

“Dad?” Bethany called and they could have swore they heard Gretchen trying to hush her.

“If ye excuse me, Eggsy, I have an important date with a very important lass.” Merlin gave him a small nod and Eggsy heard the door open and close.

Audra came back into the room. “We’re going to art battle. You could stay? We’d feed you.”

“Have plans,” Eggsy said. He couldn’t stay. “Gotta run.” He left without a proper goodbye.

Clara looked at Gretchen and Audra. “I know Uncle Harry said we can’t smush their faces together until they kiss, but I feel like that is the best option.”

“I think so too,” Gretchen agreed. “But apparently that, screaming KISS ALREADY, and hitting them with cricket bats are not options.”

“That was really painful,” Audra agreed.

“What if we put them in a boat and someone sings kiss the boy?” Lacey suggested. “That’s subtle.”

“We’ll consider it,” Audra said. “But for now, art battle.”

“ART BATTLE” Gretchen roared and went to get supplies. They all went out back and saw Ben setting up the butcher roll of paper on the ground. “Huh, wonder when he got here.” She ran over and jumped on his back and he caught her with ease of long practice. “Thank you for not being dumb about loving me,” she told him and kissed his cheek. Ben just touched her hand and kept rolling out more paper for the art battle.

“Audy, I want Daddy to be happy,” Lacey said tucking into her sister’s side.

“I know, love, it’s what we all want,” Audra hugged her. “And we’ll get him there, in the end.” And screw what Uncle Harry said about subtle. If this went on much longer she was going the smush their faces together route.


	16. Chapter 16

Harry was putting together his salad.

“You’ll see,” Gretchen whispered to him.

“It cannot be that bad, we stay the course,” he whispered back.

“It is so much worse, like Uncle Harry even Bean Boy Ben has said that he’s going to lock them in a room. Or well he’d let me do it, and then cover for me.”

“You have him trained very well as a distraction,” Harry replied. “You two would be a formidable team in the field.”

“You are going to get Clara stop trying to recruit all of us. Artist, maths nerd, how would we kill people?”

“You could go all Goldfinger on them? He would be excellent at calculating trajectories,” Harry suggested and finished tearing his lettuce.

Gretchen kissed his cheek. “He has a glass jaw and I have a panic attack after any time I hurt anyone. Stick with Clara.”

“Yes but she is going to replace Merlin, I want one of you for my legacy,” Harry replied. 

“Silly old bear,” Gretchen said and hugged him. “Start bringing stuff outside.” It was a gorgeous evening and taco night was going to be outdoors. Merlin was setting up the tables and Harry and Gretchen had been finishing up food. Audra had called Harry and begged him to come to taco night this week, because Eggsy had returned after his mission in South Africa and he and Merlin were just physically painful to watch. The girls were insisting that they had to give up the subtlety plan and get more aggressive about cluing the men in that they were in love. Harry was sure it wasn’t as bad as they suggested. He knew Merlin exposing the man’s heart would only make it all fall apart. But he indulged them by coming over.   Merlin and Eggsy were very professional at work, only a few lingering glances, the girls were likely exaggerating the pain.

They were making their second trip out to the garden and Harry heard a knock at the door. “I’ll get it.” He figured it would be a stranger selling something. He went and opened it. “Eggsy?”

“Harry?” Eggsy was surprised. “You are at taco night?”

“Yes, the girls invited me.”

“You don’t do taco night.”

“Normally no, I tend to do Sunday supper,” Harry replied. “But I’ll be busy this Sunday, so here tonight. Why did you knock?”

“Uh, because you taught me?” Eggsy gave him a look.

“Yes but you are a taco night person, they just come in. Bean Boy Ben does.”

“He’s Ben, he’s in the family forever that’s different. Rox knocks too,” Eggsy said. His shoulders hunched a little. “You letting me in?”

“Of course,” Harry said. “Keep your shoes on, we’re eating in the garden tonight.”

Harry lead him out and watched Eggsy out of the corner of his eyes. Merlin was chasing Lacey through the garden and laughing as Clara launched herself from behind a tree. Eggsy actually side and Harry could see the hearts in his eyes. Eggsy collected himself when Merlin approached and looked closer to normal.

“Hey Ham,” Eggsy said. He laughed a little a weird forced chuckle. “You make me my ground beef?”

“No,” Merlin replied. “With the full family for the night, I did a huge pork in the oven all day.” Merlin gave Eggsy a look and Harry could see Merlin wanted Eggsy to understand he was family. That Merlin wanted him to be family.

Eggsy smiled. “Yeah, neat that Harry is here tonight, innit?”

Audra and Roxy emerged from the garage, looking a little mussed and tried to straighten their clothes. Clara pointed at them. “You were kissing weren’t you?”

Roxy turned bright red and Audra just laughed. “Aye,” she said. “Lots and lots of kisses.” Roxy turned a furious colour when Merlin raised a brow at her. “I’ll go get the rest of the dishes,” Audra said and abandoned Roxy.

Harry tried not to laugh too much at his agent. He had seen Roxy face down the mafia without hesitation and she was terrified as they all stared at her.

“Did you put your tongue in her mouth?” Clara asked. “Gretchen does that to Ben, I think she’s trying to swallow his soul.”

“Oh god,” Roxy whimpered. “Eggsy?”

“Answer her,” Eggsy asked. “Are you trying to swallow Audy’s soul?”

“Ben?” Roxy turned to him hopefully. Ben just began to drink his juice. “No, I am not trying to swallow her soul. And I am not answering that," Roxy finally responded.

“That means yes,” Lacey offered. “It looks stupid. Like when Bean Boy Ben touches Gretch’s booty. Why would you touch a butt? It’s a butt.”

Merlin looked at Ben. “Yes Ben, why would you touch a butt?” Ben stood up, and calmly put himself behind Eggsy and Harry. Merlin snorted. “Enough talking of this. Everyone get their seat.”

Audra and Gretchen came out with the pork and vegetables and put them in the middle of the table. 

“Why is Ben looking shifty?” Gretchen asked.

“He touches your butt,” Merlin replied.

“Yeah, I touch his too,” she said.

“Ewwwww,” Clara and Lacey said. Ben reached for the pork deciding to ignore it all, but he smiled when Gretchen squeezed his thigh. Merlin had caught them doing far worse than butt touching once and that particular memory haunted his sleep.

The food went all around the table and there was a bunch of random conversation and Eggsy watched Harry for a moment. “Harry, wot the hell are you eating?”

“Taco salad,” Harry explained.

“That is just wrong,” Eggsy said and squeezed lime onto his taco.

“I dislike tacos, they are messy. This is most of the same components, just tidy.” Harry stabbed his fork into the salad and ate a bit.

“The mess is the point,” Eggsy said. “And Roxy always makes it look neat and tidy, never loses filling.”

“Mess is never a point,” Harry replied and ate more of his salad and smiled at Eggsy.

“Whatever, your loss,” Eggsy stuffed a taco into his mouth and half fell onto his plate and the girls all laughed at him.

Harry ate and watched and the girls certainly had a point. The conversation moved well but Eggsy and Merlin seldom spoke directly to each other. But they looked when the other wasn’t watching. Lovesick was not an attractive look on Merlin. Eggsy, to be fair wore it well, and Harry despised that Eggsy was used to his heart hurting. 

Gretchen leaned into him, “it’s even worse during movie time.” Harry gave her a look of horror and she just nodded.

And she was right. Harry watched as Eggsy started to go to sit on the ground next to Merlin and then instead sat in a chair with Lacey. Merlin’s hand clearly went down to touch someone but no one was there. The two men took turns gazing painfully at one another during the love songs.

Harry felt ill. It was gross, it actually made the air unpleasant all that pining. He fled before the end of the movie and then had to deal with three hours of texts from Gretchen and Audra saying that they told him so.

This mattered needed to be attended to. And swiftly. And all subtlety was out the window.

**************************************

Harry sat in the small restaurant, actually on time for once.

Audra, Gretchen, and Ben arrived from different directions and joined him.

“Thank you for coming, we are here to discuss Operation Kiss You Morons.”

“I thought we were being subtle, letting them find their way,” Gretchen said. A waiter brought over the food Harry had pre-ordered and Ben tucked in.

“If we do that, they will take a year and I will murder them,” Harry said and sipped his wine. He cut into his chicken and ate a little. “Now I have a plan, but if you have other ideas I am welcome to them.”

Ben shook his head no, and Gretchen shrugged. “I’m with the smush their faces together and make them kiss option.”

Audra sighed. “I admit, that is what I have too.”

“We can’t,” Harry said regretfully. “I may have used a few ag...coworkers to run some simulations. Smushing, setting up a dinner, locked together, all failed in our practice runs based on available data.”

“So what do we do?” Audra asked.

“We tell them to stop being fucking morons and realize what is right in front of their faces,” Harry explained.

“Can that work?” Gretchen asked. “Like could it be that simple?”

“Eggsy will listen to me,” Harry said. “But your father will not.”

“That’s for sure. Us?” Audra asked. “Because we’ve tried and gotten nowhere.”

“No, I’ve brought in an expert on your father, the one person he’ll listen to. Always.” Harry gestured to the table next to them.

Susan put down her menu. “Hello, darlings,” she said.

Ben’s eyes widened. “Oh shit,” he gasped. He stuffed a little more food in his mouth, squeezed Gretchen’s shoulder and bolted out of the restaurant.

“Hi, Mum,” Audra and Gretchen said at the same time and Harry smiled.

This plan was flawless.


	17. Chapter 17

“Eggsy,” Harry smiled as he opened the door.

“Harry,” Eggsy grinned back. “Thanks for inviting me over.”

“Not at all, not at all,” Harry reminded himself not to act so stiff and formal, Eggsy would catch him out in a moment. He relaxed his shoulders a little. “We’ve both been busy. And your education on 80s movies needs to be improved.”

Eggsy snorted a bit. “Jesus, Harry, I’ll say it again. Ghostbusters isn’t all that.”

“You are the greatest trial my life has ever borne. And tonight I will prove to you the 80s were excellent.”

“Oh god, what now?” Eggsy groaned.

“Ladyhawke,” Harry replied.

“I don’t know it,” Eggsy said.

Harry smiled at him. “You’ll love it. I ordered in some Chinese.” He went to the kitchen and the table was loaded with takeout containers. He handed Eggsy a plate and they began to divvy up the food.

***********************************

Merlin opened the door and ran into the house. “Audy? You said there was a problem. Audy?” He called out. No one was answering and he went and took a gun from a hidden spot in the wall. He walked around the house, increasingly terrified when he didn’t find any of the girls.

He heard a noise and went out to the garden, thinking maybe they were all barricaded in the garage. He saw a woman kneeling on a gardening mat. Merlin turned and went back into the house to put the gun away. He came back out and grabbed the second kneeling pad and trimmed the plant next to her.

“You arrived when the sun was still up,” Merlin commented.

“It happens,” Susan replied and took her cuttings to move to another pot.

“Having Audy call to say there was a problem was a dirty trick” Merlin put the dead heads in a pile for compost. They were quiet for a moment.

“It is only a dirty trick if there isn’t a problem,” Susan said. They moved among the flowers and trees and worked in sync. They had started the garden together after all.

“Are you ill?” Merlin asked, concerned. She looked like she always did. A little greyer, a few more lines around her eyes, but like Susan.

“No, Hamish, but you are a fool and everyone is tired of it.” Susan cupped his face. “I am here for a come to Jesus talk.”

“You’re an athiest,” he was thoroughly confused.

“I’ve had a colleague from the American south recently, I’ve picked up so many interesting sayings,” Susan replied. She stood up and they went to the two chairs tucked into the back corner. There were a couple beers waiting. They tapped the bottles against each other. “It wasn’t just the girls you know, this was Harry’s plan.”

“You left the field for a plan of Harry’s?” Merlin gave her a look. “Are you even a little aware of how insane that sounds?”

Susan took a sip of beer. “The garage looks great. The girls seem to love it.”

“Just get to the point, Susan,” Merlin was exhausted all of a sudden. Work had been tiring. No, trying to get over his feelings was tiring. But at least Susan didn’t know about that.

“Tell me about Eggsy,” she said.

“Fuck,” Merlin replied.

“Hmmm, interesting.”

Fuck, he thought. Fuck it all.

*************************************************

“LOOK AT HER!” Eggsy screamed to the telly and Harry smiled, well pleased. His big problem had been showing Eggsy action movies, horror. The boy lived for romance. And he deserved a real life one. A few minutes later the credits were rolling and Eggsy was wiping his tears away. “Okay the score is insane and stupid. But that movie fucking rules, Harry.”

“It does,” Harry agreed. “Martini?”

“Sure.” Eggsy talked about his favourite parts of the movie while Harry fixed them a drink. “They were so in love and when they had that glimpse? Just a glimpse? I died. I felt my soul depart my body but it returned because I needed to make sure they got to be together again.”

Harry laughed at him. “Love is a wonderful thing. Especially true love.”

“You ever been in true love, Harry?” Eggsy asked curious. Harry didn’t talk about relationships much.

“No,” Harry said simply. “I’ve had relationships but I’ve always been more of a solitary man. It suits me well enough.” He handed Eggsy a drink. “You went on a date recently didn’t you?”

“Nah,” Eggsy thought about it. “That was like months ago Harry.”

“Come now, no dates recently?” Harry chided. “Shouldn’t you be out finding a young man or woman to lavish attention on?”

Eggsy looked at Harry carefully. Harry gave him a small smile and then sipped his drink. They waited each other out. “How’d you figure me out?” Eggsy finally asked, the silence killing him.

“We’ve known you two liked each other for months, you just didn’t see it. And then you both independently realized how much you felt and since then have not taken the logical step to dating. It is time to fix that error.”

Eggsy shook his head. “You mean your error.”

“I don’t make errors in judgement, Eggsy,” Harry replied. He finished the martini and started to make another.

“How the hell did you even say that with a straight face?” Eggsy asked frankly in awe of such a lie.

“Practice,” Harry handed him a second drink. “But enlighten me. What error?”

“That it is mutual, Harry,” Eggsy said quietly. “Tell me every agent doesn’t at some point develop a bit of a crush on Merlin.”

“They do,” Harry agreed. “Usually the first or second time he saves their lives and he takes them out for a beer and after that it is just gone. Your crush isn’t that. And it isn’t a crush. You didn’t fancy him when he saved your life. You didn’t fancy Merlin. You grew to love Hamish. It is very different.”

“Okay, so it is different,” Eggsy replied. “But my point stands. He doesn’t have feelings in return?”

“What would make you think that?” 

“Because it is obvious, Harry,” Eggsy shook his head. “How don’t you see it?”

“See what?”

“He wouldn’t ever look at me like that. Why would he?” Eggsy laughed a little. “How do I compare to Susan?”

“You don’t in the slightest,” Harry replied and saw Eggsy shatter and accept what he felt was his inferiority. Harry leaned forward, “because you are a million times better for him than she could ever dream of being.”

Harry found himself a little peckish and went to get leftover chinese while Eggsy seemed frozen in surprise.

*******************************************************

“You haven’t said anything,” Susan said into the quiet.

“Why should I?” he countered.

“Because the silence is very telling. Talking might be better,” she suggested.

“Do ye expect me to deny my feelings?” Merlin drank some beer and looked at the garden. “I know I like him.”

“I have been brought in Hamish, because you are doing nothing about it.” Susan gave him an exasperated look. “We’ve talked about this before.”

“No we haven’t,” Merlin answered. He got up and went into the house, hoping she wouldn’t follow but knowing she damn well would.

“You are allowed to have a life,” she said. “I know work and the girls keep you busy, but you can date. You should date. And you clearly like him. The girls like him. Ask him out.”

Merlin took another beer from the fridge. “Exactly. I like him. And the girls like him. That is the exact reason I will nae ever even try to build a relationship with him.”

“That is dumber than the theory about muppets taking over the world you had in uni when you smoked too much weed,” Susan said. “Why won’t you try?”

“Because the last time I felt this way about a person, they broke my heart and kept taking and taking from me, leaving me bleeding on the ground and never once fucking noticed!” Merlin roared. They stared at each other in shock. Merlin went to the sink and dumped his beer down the drain, he really shouldn’t drink beer. He gripped the edge of the sink. “He does nae feel about me like how I feel about him, and precedent has shown that if he did right now, he wouldn’t love me long term.”

“Hamish,” Susan began and then quieted.

“I’m going to go have a shower, can ye make us a pot of tea?” 

Susan nodded and went to the kettle. Merlin went upstairs and tried to burn a layer of skin off.

******************************************

Eggsy followed Harry to the kitchen. “She has multiple phds and an insane amount of awards. Do you know how long it takes to read the Wikipedia page on her?”

“Yes, I do, I have updated it,” Harry said. He sighed a little. “Reheated egg rolls are always a little gross.” He focused on the lemon chicken.

“He clearly still loves her, Harry,” Eggsy said.

“They have 2 children together and Lacey,” Harry said. “And years as a couple, years longer as fuck buddies, and more years than that of friendship. Of course he still loves her, but I promise he hasn’t thought of her romantically for years. They haven’t fucked in about 8 years.”

“They were a thing for how long Harry? He’s said that she has flat out ruined him for other women. How the fuck to you compare to a force like that?” Eggsy shook his head. “I can’t.” He waited for Harry to launch into a chin up bolster the ego speech.

“You are a soggy egg roll,” Harry said.

“Wot the fuck?”

“Not you, my food.” Harry looked at the plate and scraped it into the rubbish bin. “But no. You know what? You are a soggy egg roll too. Because you compare yourself to a woman who broke his heart and think you’ll somehow come out less?”

Eggsy opened his mouth and closed it again. “I -”

“No,” Harry said firmly. “The egg roll is going to listen to me. I have told you time and again of your value. So has Merlin, so have most of the agents. You are valued and valuable.”

“He’s more so, Harry. He’s fucking Merlin. Fine, don’t compare myself to her, but I’ll compare myself to him and he can do better.”

“Smart, kind, loyal, fierceless, loving, attractive. How does he do better than that?” Harry asked. 

“Not as smart as him,” Eggsy muttered.

“He isn’t that smart, you know that right?” Harry asked. “He received Bs in school. He is of perfectly average intelligence.”

“I’ve seen him put together ideas and plans at insane speeds. Everything he does on his computer -” Eggsy tried to protest.

“He doesn’t have superior intellect, he has superior will, drive, and determination. Straight IQ a little above average, but he will work his ass off for what matters to him. His mind will work around corners and he’ll spends days, weeks, teaching himself what he needs to learn to make a mission smoother. What looks awe inspiring to you is decades of sheer force of will.” Harry looked at Eggsy. “Imagine that force of will being focused on making you happy, on making a relationship work.”

Eggsy shuddered a little. “Fuck,” he whispered.

“See that thought makes you long, yearn. It made Susan run.” Harry pointed at him. “Her work mattered most of all, and that is wonderful, her intellect is unparalleled and a gift to the world. But in there, a small part of it was how much Merlin was willing to give and she couldn’t return.”

“Harry, the problem with this is that he don’t want to give it to me.”

“What if I could prove he did?”

Eggsy went very still and looked at him. “You can’t,” he begged. He didn’t quite know what he was begging for, what he wanted Harry to show him. 

Harry smiled gently at him. “I can.”

**************************************

Merlin went back down and sat on the counter and Susan handed him a mug of tea. She sat on a stool a little bit away. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“For what?” Susan asked.

“Yelling,” he said. “It accomplishes little.”

“How long has that been bottled in you?”

Merlin laughed a little. “Too long,” he said. He took a sip of the tea and put it in the sink. “I don’t take sugar anymore. How do you not know that?”

“Because we see each other 14 days a year?” she asked. “I never should have asked you to take Lacey in.”

Merlin glared at her. “Do not ever suggest that. Not for a single second have I regretted the presence of my daughter. Never, Susan.”

“It kept you far too tied to me. You are right I take and take from you.” Susan looked a little sad. “At the very least we should have stopped shagging long before we did.”

“Aye, that I’ll agree with,” Merlin said. He thought about making a fresh cuppa but it seemed like work. “I never resented you choosing your career over me. You were right to do so.”

“I know,” she said matter of factly. “But I tried to straddle a line for far too long. I knew the first time I walked away that I should keep walking but I didn’t. I always came back just a little.”

Merlin shook his head. “No you didn’t. I just pretended you did, and you let me.”

Susan stood up and tried to reach a cupboard that was a little too tall. Merlin hopped down and opened it, leaned into her for just a moment and then stepped back having pulled down the whisky she was reaching for. 

“Glasses?” he asked and she rolled her eyes at him. She took a healthy pull from the bottle and he did as well and put it away. They went back to their respective corners. “He’d never come back either. People don’t come back to me.”

“That’s bullshit,” she said. “That’s pity, and middle age, and a whole host of Scottish doom and gloom. Because you don’t know that, if you don’t try.”

“I’m old and busy and tired. Why should I try?” Merlin asked. 

Susan pulled her phone out her pocket and showed him a photo. “Because you smile like this when you see him.” She held it up.

“He is wonderful, how could I not smile like that?” Merlin asked.

“Get your glasses checked,” she suggested. She swiped the screen. “Because this is the smile he has when he looks at you.”

Merlin looked at the picture, at Eggsy smiling. He looked so happy and in awe. “How do you have that?”

“I have 20 sent by Harry and the girls. All showing you two smiling at each other but never when the other is looking. You are both terrified and missing out.” Susan looked at him. “Hamish, he comes to taco night. I’m not allowed at taco night.”

“You are,” he protested. He paused. He honestly couldn’t remember Susan ever being at taco night. Merlin sighed a little. “Susan,” he whispered.

“In a past life, we were one hell of a couple,” she said.

“We were one hell of a couple in this one,” he replied.

She shook her head. “Not in comparison to what you could have with him. Ask him out Hamish.”

“How?”

“Generally want to go out for dinner works. You’ve dated at least 8 men that I know of,” she made a face at him. “Don’t be obtuse.”

“Is it stupid that I want him to ask me out?” Merlin asked. “That then I would know for sure he wants this?”

Susan came close and flicked his nose. It was an old familiar gesture. “Yes, it is. Very stupid, because he is probably saying the same thing to Harry and if that is the case, it goes to plan B. Gretchen has come up with plan B. So think about that very carefully.” She squeezed his leg. “I need to go to my hotel.”

“You are welcome here.”

“You need space,” she said. “You have a lot of thinking to do. The girls are at my hotel suite for a sleepover. Enjoy the quiet.”

Merlin picked up her hand and kissed it. “Susan.”

“Hamish.” She kissed his cheek and walked out leaving him alone to think it through.

*********************************************

Harry finished up his thirty minute presentation entitled  _ Yes Hamish Returns Your Feelings _ . He turned off the projector and looked at Eggsy. “Well?”

“Yeah but are you sure?” Eggsy asked.

“KISS HIM OR I WILL MAKE YOU KISS HIM!” Harry shouted. “I swear, Eggsy, I cannot cope with your miserable pining. And his is worse. You will ask him out and you will fall in love and get married and Merlin will have all the girls in the wedding party and there will be happy ever after or so help me I am murdering you both soon just to save my own sanity.” Harry sat down. “My two best friends are in love and it is going to be the death of someone.”

Eggsy smiled at him. “Silly old bear,” he said.

“Do not pick up the turns of phrases of the girls,” Harry warned.

“We aren’t in love,” Eggsy said. “Can’t be. A crush isn’t love. But we are in like. Maybe.”

Harry waved a hand. “Presentation.”

“I am willing to entertain the possibility maybe Merlin returns my affections.” 

“Really? So you’ll ask him out?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy agreed.

Harry was too dignified to cheer but it was close. “So, call him.”

“No,” Eggsy said firmly.

“Why not?” Harry spluttered. An honest to god splutter. “You can and ask him to dinner.”

“Can’t, Harry. I’ll ask him out, on a proper date, but it has to be perfect yeah? A guy like Merlin I can’t just take down to the bar for a pint. It has to be epic and impressive and bloody perfect so that he’ll for sure say yes.”

Harry closed his eyes and slumped in his chair. “No,” he begged.

“You’ll see, it will just take me a week or two to plan. A month at most,” Eggsy swore. “Have to get it right Harry.”

Harry was pretty sure he was sliding into a catatonic stated and decided that it really was the best option to this latest nightmare.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading.  
> there will be a sequel of equal length about their dating relationship starting in a few weeks.

“Girls, can you please stop staring?” Merlin asked. He built a taco and sighed. It varied who was staring at whom but the girls had a fixed gaze on him or Eggsy at all times. “You are even moving your heads in sync. It is very horror movie pod childreny. Please stop.”

The heads just kept swiveling and Merlin gave up.

“Oh by the way, I won’t be at next taco night,” Eggsy said and all eyes except Ben’s were on him. “Work. Business trip. Won’t be gone too long,” he said. “Got a line on some gorgeous wool fabric and we want to be their largest contract.”

The girls all looked at Merlin. “What?”

“Why is he going right now?” Audra asked. “Roxy is already on the road, why can’t she take care of it?”

“Roxy is better in sales than purchasing,” Merlin said after a minute thinking of a way to phrase it for Ben’s ears. 

Ben was ignoring it all because he had been buried in work for a summer class and been forgetting to eat again. Plus he knew he wasn’t supposed to know about Merlin’s work and he wasn’t going to suggest that he did know what he didn’t know. He would eat a taco. He was very good at eating tacos, especially when Gretchen had her ankle against his.

Bethany looked at Eggsy, “You need to give Daddy more braiding lessons. He can almost do fish tail.”

“Be gone a couple weeks at most,” Eggsy promised, “and then the lessons will begin again.” Clara opened her mouth. “Harry needs me to go, and we don’t ever want to disappoint Harry do we?” Clara shut her mouth and glared at her dad.

“I’m not in charge!” Merlin said. The whole table, even Ben looked at him. “I’m mostly not in charge,” he amended it too. “And Eggsy does need to go on this trip. And no there are no substitutes available. And no there will nae be another word about it tonight.”

“Eggsy gets to pick the movie tonight,” Lacey said and Eggsy felt his jaw drop. He knew he looked like a fish.

“Eggsy gets to what now?” Eggsy asked. He looked at Merlin helpless and the man looked equally lost.

“Well he is going away and could be...it could be difficult,” Clara filled in. “He should have something good before he goes. Because he’s family. Right, Daddy?” She blinked up at him and smiled the most innocent smile ever.

Merlin felt all eyes on him. “Aye,” he said softly. “Eggsy can pick the movie tonight.”

The younger girls wilted that he didn’t actually call Eggsy family, but Audra and Gretchen knew that those words were as good as. Merlin was staring intently at his taco and missed Eggsy’s stunned face and eyes that filled. 

Eggsy cleared his throat and gratefully took the refried beans that Ben offered him. They had  _ Event Horizon _ written into them. He used the spoon to make the words disappear. Gretchen kissed Ben’s cheek. “Nice try, Bean Boy,” she whispered. He shrugged and made another taco.

“So what movie Eggsy?” Audra asked. 

“James and the Giant Peach,” Eggsy said.

“That’s not very romantic,” Bethany said.

“You asked, that is what came to mind,” Eggsy said defensively. He wouldn’t mention the hours he had spent dreaming as a kid that he could be like James.

“Giant Peach it is,” Merlin said and they all finished their meals and the girls talked about the adventures they were having on summer holiday. Merlin then shooed everyone upstairs while he cleaned up. He realized that Eggsy stayed to help. “I can handle it.”

“I just was worried,” Eggsy admitted. “Is the movie a little too scary for Lacey?”

Merlin gave him a happy look. “No, she loves things a little darker. At most she’ll need a cuddle during. But the girls all love Dahl. Many a family trip to the museum.”

“There’s a museum?” Eggsy asked.

“Mmmhmm, and it is a quite fun day out. You’ll have to go with us next time.” Merlin held his breath, waiting for Eggsy to accept the offer. To realize what he was asking.

Eggsy laughed a little but didn’t answer, which Merlin supposed was answer enough. They finished up the dishes and went upstairs. The children were all rather sprawled out, with Merlin’s usual corner of the sofa open for him.

The only other space was where Eggsy used to sit on the floor against him. Once again all eyes were on them. Merlin sat in his spot and made a gesture at Ben to sit up. He was a little shocked when Ben just wiggled deeper into the cushions. He looked terrified doing it but did it all the same. Gretchen must have offered a very good bribe, that Merlin refused to think about. “I’ll get the chair from my office,” Merlin suggested when it was clear not a child was budging.

“Nah, I’m fine on the ground,” Eggsy said and lowered himself to the ground close to but not quite touching Merlin. “Now then, let’s watch a boy’s dreams come true.”

Audra started the film and they all watched and Eggsy found himself leaning a little until he was a hair’s breadth away from touching Merlin but he wouldn’t go that far. He had started to pull together plans to ask the man out and he wouldn’t ruin it. It had to be epic, impressive. Something to make Merlin notice him.

Merlin reached out to touch Eggsy’s hair five different times and always pulled his hand back. Audra mouthed “Pathetic,” at him and he couldn’t disagree.

*********************************

“Merlin?”

“Yes, Galahad?” Merlin had taken over from his assistant. It had been an easy mission so far and not warranted Merlin’s attention until Eggsy reached a problem. “Ah,” he said looking through Eggsy’s eyes at the very newly installed security panel that needed a seven digit passcode to open. “Well then, our specs were out of date.”

“Gee, really?” Eggsy snorted a little. “Orders?”

“We need ye in that room. Guards won’t be along for 7 more minutes.” Merlin looked at the panel. “Scan it, Galahad.”

Eggsy tapped the side of his glasses and they scanned the panel. “That helpful?”

“Very,” Merlin replied and typed some more.

“Really?”

“No, blow it up, get in, plant the devices, steal the hard drive off the computer and then get back in the hall and look like the explosion knocked you out and stopped you from gaining entrance. When they drag you away, they should take you south there is a window jump out of it. Cars will be below to get away in.”

“You expect me to do all that in 7 minutes?”

“Down to five, Galahad. Best move along.” Merlin leaned back in his chair and watched as Eggsy executed everything that he had suggested. Once he was in the car and driving away, Merlin spoke to him. “Not bad, agent. A couple of the listening devices could have been place more subtly but overall, excellent work Galahad.”

“Goddamn right that was excellent. That was almost impossible,” Eggsy shouted as he drove. “You owe me so much for that.”

“Dinner?” Merlin offered. He was trying again, because he wanted Susan to be right that Eggsy liked him in return.

“Dinner?” Eggsy was incredulous. “You think dinner is going to make up for that? I want my fucking exploding pen Merlin. You owe me killer field gadgets for that bullshit.”

“Of course, my mistake,” Merlin said stiffly. “I have another mission to attend to, you’ll be transferred to my assistant until you are aboard your plan.” Merlin turned his comms off and did some work and decided he just couldn’t and went up to Harry’s office. He went in and looked at him. “You brought Susan in for nothing. I’ve asked him out twice now and he has said no both times. Please, let this die.” Merlin turned and walked back out. He figured he had earned working from home the rest of the day.

Audra came and sat in the chair in the corner with a cup of tea and a her laptop and didn’t say a word to him, was just a comforting presence. Gretchen ordered in pizza for dinner.

***************************************

Eggsy opened his locker and found a sad, soggy egg roll. It was apparently Harry’s equivalent to a horse head in the bed. He went up to Harry’s office walking the halls with that disturbing piece of food on a plate. He went in and dropped it on Harry’s desk. “I told you I’m working on. I almost have my plans buttoned down.” He froze a bit when Harry gave him that look.

It was only a little milder than during their fight before Kentucky. “Harry?”

“Your plans?” Harry asked, words snapping like shards of ice. “Your plans matter more than his heart?”

“My plans are for his heart,” Eggsy protested. “Why are you being a jerk right now?”

Harry stood up and Eggsy did his best to meet the fury and disappoint on Harry’s face. “No, Eggsy, the jerk in this room is the person who has turned down Merlin’s offers for a date twice, because he is too wrapped up in his plans.”

“What?”

“You can more about the show, your grand idea than his actual comfort and well being. He put himself out there and because it wasn’t on your timeline, it was dismissed?”

“He didn’t ask me out!” Eggsy moved forward, willed Harry to believe him. “I would have said yes in a second Harry, swear down, but he never has.”

“Think carefully, Eggsy,” Harry insisted. “Because he was in here yesterday, devastated that you had turned him down.”

“He hasn’t asked me out,” Eggsy swore. “He joked about buying me dinner to make up for being an arse about a mission but -”

Harry cursed fluently in multiple languages and paced for a minute. He ripped off the eye patch and went over and clutched Eggsy’s shoulders. “Look into my eyes,” he ordered, ready to kill. The one eye glared and the socket looked as disturbing to Eggsy as it always did. “That was him asking you out.”

“No it -” Eggsy paused. “Oh fuck the trip to the museum wasn’t a casual offer like how mates make. It was a fucking date.”

Harry shook him a little. “Yes it was. Piss poor attempts but attempts nonetheless. And now he thinks you don’t want him. That he was proven right.”

“Fuccccck me,” Eggsy groaned. 

Harry shook him some more. “He would if you stopped all this ridiculous pining and acted like adults and used your words.” Harry let go. “That’s it. I’m tired and you both are stupid. Plan B is being released.” He went and picked up his phone.

“Harry, wait! You have to give me a chance to fix this!” Eggsy pleaded. “Not Plan B.” He had no idea what it was but it was Gretchen based and that scared him.

Harry typed a little. “Too late. Plan B has been set into motion, may the lord have mercy upon all our souls. If you hurry you could maybe reach Merlin before she sets everything into motion.” He went and sat behind the desk and threw out the egg roll. He gave Eggsy a look as he put on the eye patch. “I suggest running.”

Eggsy was still for a moment longer and then took off. He took the bullet train back into London and tore out of the tailor shop knocking over a mannequin as he went. He would make it up to Andrew later. He hit the underground and of course there was a delay. He thought about heading back up but then the train was there. He transferred and then trying to make it above got stuck behind a huge group of tourists. He debated killing them all but the slow down let him see the buckets of flowers.

Flowers would be good right now. He went over and bought a bouquet. He ran through streets and also got killed a few times running into traffic but eventually was down Merlin’s quiet street. He stopped to catch his breath before walking to the front door. He knocked and tried to stay calm.

Gretchen opened it. “Plan B.”

Eggsy paled. “Please, I’m here to -”

“Too late,” she said. “Back gardens. March. And pray to your lord, if you believe in one.”

Eggsy went through the house and to the back garden and just sagged against the wall watching Merlin in shorts and a tee do hopscotch with Lacey and Clara. “Jesus,” he whispered. “He’s just...he’s the guv.”

“He is,” Gretchen agreed. “And you are going to stop breaking his heart.”

“I can’t promise that, Bunny.”

“Nope, you don’t call me that. That is a dad thing. Creepy when you do it. Like older stalker boyfriend creepy.”

“Yeah, it was wrong. Gretchen, what is your plan B? Does it involve attack nets?”

“No, it involves this,” Gretchen said and moved forward. “Da! Eggsy is here. You like him. He likes you. Now say it to each other and then smush your faces together until you forget to breathe.” 

Eggsy and Merlin looked at her. And then each other and back to Gretchen. “That’s plan B?”

“What?” Gretchen shrugged. “No one was saying anything. Now it is said. All out there, in the world. There is likeage. Mutual likeage. Pining. Heart eyes. Da, we want you to be happy. He makes you happy. Eggsy, you seem nice and fit in with us. So you know stick around by dating.”

Clara piped in. “And smushing. You need to do smushing.”

Lacey nodded. “Smushing means kissing Daddy.”

“Thank you, I was a little confused.”

“I’m a lot confused,” Eggsy said. “That was seriously Plan B? I was terrified over you and you just say yo you like each other now date?”

Gretchen grinned at him. “Well saying those words seemed to terrify you both.”

Bethany looked up from her book. “That is a burn, Daddy.”

“Thank you, all girls inside the house please,” Merlin ordered. Audra who had been silent until then pushed everyone into the house, including Gretchen who argued she should get to stay since she was the one who fixed it.

Eggsy and Merlin stared at each other. “I have flowers?” He looked at the bouquet that had lost a few flowers on his run and looked a little sad in comparison to the gardens around them. He handed the bouquet to Merlin. “Here.”

Merlin took the bouquet and reached to a plant and pulled a couple flowers off. “Here,” he said in return to Eggsy.

“They gave each other flowers!” Clara shouted. “Did you see?”

They look to the window and the girls do not even try to hide. “We’ve suffered watching this show, we get to see that happy ending!” Audra yelled.

“Speak louder,” Lacey suggested.

“I apologize for the heathens I have raised,” Merlin said.

“They are perfect,” Eggsy replied. “I had plans.”

“For what?”

“To ask you out. It was elaborate. A hidden mission and like you helped me, and then we’d be at a restaurant and just yeah?” Eggsy shook his head. “God it sounds fucking dumb.”

“A restaurant doesn’t sound so dumb,” Merlin said. He moved forward enough that he was a few inches away from Eggsy. “A restaurant could be very good.”

“It could,” Eggsy agreed. “On Friday, around 7?”

“7 is a very good time.” Merlin moved a little closer until they were almost touching.

“It’s a great time,” Eggsy said. He tilted his head up.

“KISS ALREADY!!!!” all the girls screamed.

“I do try my best not to disappoint my girls,” Merlin said. He put the flowers down on the table and cupped Eggsy’s face.

“You are a great daddy,” Eggsy said. They both blinked. “Wow, yeah, never saying that again about you.”

“Thank christ,” Merlin said and laughed. Eggsy started to giggle and Merlin cut the noise off by kissing him. It was a soft kiss, sweet and innocent. A Disney kiss.

All the girls shouted and screamed and when Merlin started to pull away Eggsy pulled him back in for another kiss.

When they broke apart Eggsy smiled. “We’ve made them suffer, have to give a good show.”

“True,” and Merlin pressed his forehead against Eggsy’s. “I have liked you for months.”

“Yeah, same.”

“It’s a miracle they didn’t kill us.”

“Give us time, if you act like morons again,” Gretchen called out. Eggsy looked at her in shock, he and Merlin weren't that loud. “I have great hearing.”

Merlin looked at Audra who nodded and closed the windows and pushed everyone away. He waited and doubled checked. “All alone,” he said.

“No, you aren’t. Right here,” Eggsy said.

Merlin melted and kissed him one more time. Just for them.


End file.
